Tuesday, December 20, 2011

here's my last blog post before i disappear out of sight away from vegas.

sitting in my room playing online blackchippoker with the measly $23 i have on there, wish i could put most all my money on there and just stay in my room all the time. at least that way id have a chance of recovering a few thousand in the course of 2-3 months and make sure i wasnt around any machines. But i am way too scared the govt would seize it all. id go to Canada to avoid this, if i had a way to get across the border.

i miss my old apt in lyons ks, where my rent was only $200 a month, which included all utilities paid, and where i could just relax and play online back in the days stars and fulltilt was still in business. by the way what ever happened to the money fulltilt was supposed to pay everyone? they should email me if they do since i have $5 there. nice to just relax in the room, away from any machines, and play online. i slept a lot last night. would like to spend more time in my room, usually im not watching TV, but i have the TV on tonite. and i really hate the way circus does not carry the fox news channel (so u can get the truth-but u can get msnbc, which is the most far out of all the networks on the left.)

would like some ideas on where i can live (other than los angeles which is way too expensive) that has poker available, and does NOT have machines. montana maybe? since u cannot martingale machines there with the $2 max bet, im not as tempted and never lost nearly as much on them when i lived in butte. i doubt any of my readers live in montana. and NL isnt legal there, although im sure it can be found in some bar. also at the table another day, a guy was claiming that at horse tracks in some place around the country they have ONLY Poker and no machines. i dont think thats true, because when i challenged him to name one he couldnt think of a single place, just said that theyres many of them. LOL.

so if anyone knows of any suitable place, please tell me. am in 2 small tourneys on BCP as i type. not leaving my room til its time to check out and go check back into the rio, but as broke as i am, i think i better change it to the IP so im close to osheas and bills unless i just leave town tomorrow. i cannot stay off the machines here in vegas, i want to be somewhere where they wont tempt me anymore. and if i am in vegas i need to be where i wont need cabs and can play in the very cheapest games, for my roll is so low now i cannot afford to buyin for more than $150, and that will leave me with 30 buyins. (new roll is now $4500 after todays $1300 loss.) almost the entire loss took place on a very poor paying VBJ machine at the stratoshpere that is only even money on BJ, and lets u play 7 hands, actually requires that u do.

to start the day, i went over to palace station, just to see if limit was beatable. i sat there an hour or 2 and somehow managed to win $27, but i was stuck almost twice that, so i was glad to get out with a profit. went across the street to mcdonalds to eat since i have no comps there. then i got the bus to the street, and took a daily pass. walked up to the stratosphere once i reached the strip, since it was a close walk. bought in to a poker game for $155, and eventually lost it on a bad beat, where i had the best hand, and was beaten by a gutshot. i almost didnt call his allin, but finally did, and had the winner at the time i called the allin. then he hit the river. so i rebought $200 more, and ended up losing it too. i dont remember what i lost the rest of it with but i dont think i was playing as well by then. when i left the room i was thouroghly pissed, and down $345 for the day, (which i knew was a loss more than i could afford to absolve, so thats why i sat at the VBJ in a desperate attempt to recover a little back.) then i proceeded to lose the remaining $500 in my sock, and then took $300 out of the atm TWICE, and left with only $51. and for all that money i lost in the machine, i got back only $9 in cashback at the players club there.

theres no hope for me. there was when i thought Josie might hang out with me and be a friend if i was able to build the money up and stay off the machines, but when i read her bad mouth everyone last nite who said she should be my girl, i found out how she truly felt about me. and was depressed. I feel like no one is truly in my corner. and certainly not Melissa from myyearbook. i heard from her the other day after i told u about the conversation of the day before, and I was gonna go over to the IP last nite, but she asked me if i was gonna take her out gambling, and no way could i afford to do that. i tried to tell her i would paid for her cab if shed came to the rio though. no luck. then the next day she called while i was asleep and asked me what i was doing at 1:09 in the morning. and todays shes not called at all, but i havent called her either today because im now so broke that unlike a week ago when i first talked to her on myyearbook, the last thing im interested in is trying to meet a woman when im this broke. i am only interested in doing that when im not stressed about money, because i cant trust any woman not to be needing money, or if not needing money, not wanting me to spend money to date. when i get this low and desperate about money, i cant even talk to a woman because all i can talk about is how desperate i am to come up with some money, and thats something no woman wants to hear. How Josie can think i could give a woman money is unimaginable, even when i still had $5800 instead of $4500. the only time i ever did that was when it was Britni, a friend id known for years, and when it was small sums of money being transferred on online pokersites, sometimes under $10.

Vince should be picking me up about 12am, and ill be giving him my laundry. I certainly dont think this woman has any intention in watching me gamble, if im as broke as i am, and to watch without me possibly buying her in, which is totally out of the question. even when my bankroll was over twice what it is now, i seldom ever gave a hooker any money. maybe like 3 times in the last 3 yrs.

and im sure ill lose the option of having 2 free weekends a month at circus, its the FIRST time i ever stayed here that i gave them ZERO play that i remember, and if i wouldve played, it wouldve looked like zero play since that machine no longer takes a players card. so i do need a place to live. yet id never ever consider sharing a place with anyone. even when i lived outside and slept in a city park during the day i felt far safer doing that than sleeping in a room owned by others, lots of people have gotten killed and violently assualted by going over to rent a room off craigslist when they show up with cash on hand. alot of times, the person they meet and give the money too isnt even the landlord, and has no authority to rent to them, and they find out it was some kind of scam. Or they actually rent to them, then the bank forcloses the next day and they are both out on the street. or they rent to them, and then the landlord makes them so UNCOMFORTABLE they move out in a day or 2 simply because they are scared to death of getting harmed. or their stuff starts getting stolen or whatever, if u want to rent a room from someone u do it from someone u trust. someone u meet in a poker room, not some stranger off craigslist. But as nervous as i am, i sure wouldnt do that either. remember my posts to JJmax jeff hasse on avp a year ago?

anyway good news is i just won first for $69 in a 45man $5 sng on BCP, so at least ive got $91 on there, letting me play a little bit online but not enough to sell and get any of my money back. can anyone find me anyone in vegas who plays on merge that i can sell money to at 80% or more on the dollar so i can just play online and immediately get it right back offline? im sure not gonna deposit any money there and risk having the govt seize it unless i have a way to sell it immediately.

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