i wasnt sure if today was the right day to go and see Rachel, but i thought it probably was, so i decided i better go over there anyway. should get ready earlier, wouldve saved me $12 cab fare. i still havent played poker yet today except for online, and i only got 4 hours of sleep or so. i told the counselor what Josie told me to say about blaming others and getting mad and the counselor kind of wanted to know what my goals were in life and what all issues are bothering me and how and why i perceive people view me as different. shes not really read this blog only briefly glanced at it, and wants me to carry a notebook and write down about how im feeling im losing and wonders if me talking to someone will help if done right at the time im thinking of playing a machine. she wanted to know what i would consider a success
i was feeling somewhat sore sitting today and yesterday, been doing a little bit of medical research online and bought the cream Josie recommended. a mirror really dont do nothing to let me see whats probably a boil, its too far back, and Vince said it could also be a hemorhhoid i think its a boil though. what i read about a hot rag isnt working at all, no matter how hot i make a washcloth it cools very rapidly after a minute or 2. hope ill feel ok sitting at a real live poker table tonite, i want it to drain on its own if its a boil, i definitely dont want to have to sit in the er for hours and then have to be numbed up to have a boil lanced. i have had lots of problems with infection in my life, but never on my asshole before, usually on my scalp, once on my chest and that was painful. eczema helps to cause peoples immune systems to be weaker and more prone to infections. am wondering if i could use umc quickcare to be faster and still have it done without a lot of money, i dont think my medical card is still good, i got a letter it would expire in dec since i never came back and verified my info was still valid. i guess they were notified i was no longer getting ssi. not sure exactly how to get this to go away, noticed it about 1 day ago.
anyway all i can do is pray and hope for the best, and i havent been on any machines. did buy a very tiny notebook, and i did stop in at a cheaper place at flamingo and maryland pkwy before i got the bus back to ballys and get a haircut.