Tuesday, March 13, 2012

why im afraid to trust people, even sometimes people ive trusted longterm do me dirty

before i get down to the real meat and potatoes of this blog post, lets get the smaller news out of the way. i spoke to my host today, managed to get renewed for another week tues to tues out of the way, and will be due every tuesday for as long as i am in laughlin. ($80 a week). she cannot do it totally free no matter how much i play, as long as im not losing, and before her records would ever show im losing id have to be down to like $2000. Remember a lot of my recent losses were at poker and also in vegas, not on this machine. actually at one point id been up close to $4000 on this machine, way way above average. today, im at $5200.

at least ive got more money on BCP now after final tabling 2 different o8 tournies last nite at the same time. roll on BCP is $154 now. so ill have enough now to work with, and play a little higher without having to make any more deposits. i know laughlin is not the right place for me, and im trying to make plans to relocate out of here. i dont really know what the right place for me is. here i can live for $80 a week for a long long time without having to relocate and move my room all the time. in vegas i cant find a deal close to that price, and i sure couldnt ever prepay a month upfront to take an apt, and deal with the hassle of commuting back and forth daily, worries about safety, not without having far more money. even with $10,000 i cant really bring myself to put out the money to pay for a month upfront it just seems to dig into my roll too much. and the reason i cannot bring myself to change is because i feel thats how ive survived and not gone broke. otherwise id feel like id probably have $0 today.

however, i do need to be somewhere where i can play good $1-2 NL games all 24 hours. thats very important. or at least 20 hours like some states are. not a place where i can play 50c $1 NL or $2-6 spread limit about 12 hours a day. so i need to be in a city like vegas. now it dont have to be vegas, granted theres many of places on the east coast where winning would be far easier for me. but its the pain in the butt of traveling to get there and the much higher cost than i figured it would be to get there. seems prices have really gone up.

i would love to know if anyone can still find a very cheap price under $240 on amtrak. i sure couldnt. u cant just ask whens the lowest fare,like u can when looking at plane reservation sites. it makes u search each day one at a time, and is a terrible lot of work. i gave up.

herschel w is one of the guys i used to trust and hes never done me wrong that i know of, so maybe if i made it to jacksonville where he is, he can try to make sure i dont do any dumb things after i get there. i no longer would trust parisron and with good reason.

for the longest time, i didnt realize that parisron on 2p2, ron200sx on twitter, and wsop2007 from my blogsite were the same person. (shouldve known since his email was something like biloxiron). i know that wsop2007 said something i found offensive on my website, and his comments as of late were getting more offensive so i removed him, and then seen him posting on dablackpimps website. So last nite i found him posting a link for this offensive video with a cartoon character posing as me.

http://www.xtranormal.com/watch/13169252/tony-bigcharles

Now ive got to admit, i dont know how he managed to create and make the video, but he seems to have some kind of skills with websites. what i do find fault with is the content of the video. i dont consider it to be accurate, because it makes fun of how i sometimes play AK, but i dont play AK that way all the time. only when the math and pot odds dictate it to be the correct play, and when its not the right play, i never make it. i feel like if they are never playing ak that way, its a fundamental mistake in their poker game, is it not? also it misrepresents my counting system on the VBJ and why i have faith in it. its not because someone said something to me about when it shuffles, its because thats the only explanation of the shuffle point thats logical and makes sense. (for a new shoe to start once the 1st player comes up and inserts money into the machine thats been sitting there unused for ages without any money in it since someone last cashed out).

Since my count never gets way too more positive, or way too more negative than the odds would dictate, it seems to be about right. it does tend to basically even out over the long run, and remember im reshuffling it every 208 cards, hopefully on the right times. if it is off somewhat, its not off by much and i wont be too far off the right play to make or the right bet to make.

and theres other things in there i find offensive too, which u can see he only created to mock me and make fun of me, and only because i am disabled. u see, to mock someone and make fun of them for things they cannot help, is a terrible sin in the eyes of God. ive been bullied all my life, starting off in school as a kid because the other kids were picking on me, and they knew that i was afraid to fight and to defend myself.

so i sent him a message on twitter telling him to suck my dick. and AKgal seen that message, and then she posted that she unfriended me from her facebook, (i would assume due to me sending ron that message). i dont know for sure. now i agree that its a sin to use that type of language in tweets. but the people i use it to dont consider any of it to be sin, for they talk that way on a daily basis since they dont believe in the teachings of Jesus Christ, and make fun of me for doing so. (and for that reason i cannot understand why most poker rooms dont want people using the F word). for they are not Christian, they encourage people to gamble recklessly and over their means, and to get drunk, so they certainly do not have any moral principles. Even the cocktail waitress isnt as friendly if u are ordering a non-alcoholic drink as an alcoholic one. so how they can be such hypocrites as to ban swearing of all things, one of the most minor of sins compared to all the far worse sins they dont find to be a sin such as abortion and homosexuality, is beyond me.

but its still worse to needlessly curse, especially when u are not angry. when u are angry its a little understandable why u would curse, but to just use those words as a matter of course? and also i dont think it was right of me to make some of those angry blog posts of years past full of swearing, nor is it right for me to swear in the chat box on BCP when i get beat. its just i cannot handle losing money, for i fear becoming totally broke, homeless and on the streets to be forced to panhandle. So i feel like God will understand me and forgive me. and thats another reason why i dont want those things being copied and pasted and spread about all over the internet, and want them removed. u see, im very ashamed of what i said in a lot of them old blog posts. i said them at times because i was angry, and i really fear the next time im really angry at the time i write a blog post ill do it again. lucky im not angry today though, for im up $100 for the day. yesterdays total was $5100, and todays total is $5200.

now another thing really bothers me. its people who are supposedly in a position of authority, like security personnel and poker room managers. now they are supposed to be professional at all times. and theres a certain poker room thats not aware of me being banned by a security guard years ago far away from the poker room. some supervisor on the evening shift. had to do with me falling asleep in there once, and also getting into a dispute with the bartender. yet theres never been a problem in their poker room, and they really dont know me all that much as seldom as ive played there. But what im trying to say, is the security supervisor was very hateful when he seen me walk thru there about a few years later, thankfully i wasnt playing in the poker room at the time. he asked for my ID and i didnt want to show it because i knew my name would show up in the computers so i walked towards the door, said i didnt have it and was on my way out, he followed me clear outside and halfway up the street, cursing at me, making fun of my speech defect, and telling me that was why he remembered me from years ago. i felt like calling his supervisor the next day to complain, to say how unprofessional his actions were, but it would only make things worse for me when i try to get reinstated. poker grump offered to help me with that, but ive never got around to getting anything done. figured for my best chance of success, i should wait til i have an apt and a larger bankroll first.

now scmg keeps bugging me on the phone wondering about my new blog post, but its taking several hours to type. so i didnt answer the phone, and went to hit the automated reply button instead, only thing i could come up with similar to im typing a post still is "im in class now" so i hit that. other suggestions were "im driving" "eating" sleeping, i cant remember them all. its on some new phones where it says 'reject call with message' for those who cannot answer phones because they are busy. i hope he knows i will let him know whats up as soon as i can, but its taking so long to type this blog post i need to finish it first.

now akgal also dont believe me and says i lied about her boss chris coffin sending me the email with him using the F word directed at me and how he would handcuff me himself if i ever came in there when i asked once if i could attend an avp meet. i told her i had a copy of the email and would show it to her, but i cannot find it anywhere. a lot of really important emails i had saved in my computer and a lot of talks with britni years ago, suddenly disappeared from my computer in dec, and since britni wasnt online any more, i was wondering if she had anything to do with them disappearing.

maybe she just wants to believe the best about him, and that he would never do that. maybe her boss dont remember using the F word. but i remember because its not the first time someone whose supposed to be professional at all times has been unprofessional towards me. and ive also had poker dealers swear at me. she said on twitter (we've had no real conversation in private) that was one of the reasons she took me off facebook.

now me, i am really hurt by akgal. which started with her negative posts about me apperaing in dablackpimps website. for she was someone i used to always feel i could trust, and i made a real effort to never be unkind to her and do her wrong. she even went to see me while i was in the hospital, bring me food and a poker book, so why she would turn on me like this for no reason i dunno. i was never mean or unkind to her first, and its really none of her business how i am towards anyone else but her. if i have a problem with friends of hers, thats strictly between me and them. id never have a problem with anyone til they are unkind to me first. anyone who can think its ok to make fun of someone for their disability is not a true friend anyway. and i could never trust anyone who ever made a post on that new website who isnt vehemently disagreeing with the purpose for the site and telling them how awful they are for making a sight just to make fun of me for having a disability. i didnt realize akgal thought it was ok to do that, but i do know that she isnt about treating others with respect simply because of all the pictures she posts on twitter making fun of people, both those she meets at the tables and various dealers before at the golden nugget. (in which she made fun of a female dealers hair). she has taken numerous pics of people at the table without their knowledge or permission and has posted it on twitter.

Kristi Smith‏@AlaskaGal1Reply
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I unfriended someone on FB for the 1st time ever. Wish I'd never accepted in the 1st place...then he wouldn't have my phone #.



now ak gal of all people should know ive never misused her phone number in any way.


AlaskaGal1 and i never will be to people that are assholes to me. to those whove never been though, ive always been loyal to them.



In reply to Kristi Smith




18h Kristi Smith‏@AlaskaGal1





@sevencard2003 yes, but you aren't really nice in general.



In reply to tony bigcharles




18h tony bigcharles‏@sevencard2003




@sevencard2003 @AlaskaGal1 never was anything but nice to u



In reply to tony bigcharles

Kristi Smith‏@AlaskaGal1Reply
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@sevencard2003 I quit reading your blog long ago but lately have seen some copied segments and some of it pissed me off.


Kristi Smith‏@AlaskaGal1Reply
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@sevencard2003 you lied in one blog and said my boss sent you a "profanity laced" response to your request to attend an AVP meet. Lie.


Kristi Smith‏@AlaskaGal1Reply
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@sevencard2003 you are disrespectful to women. You are racist. You are narcissistic. Why would I WANT to be your friend or loyal supporter?

-------------------------------------ok thats a small portion of twitter exchanges between me and akgal. i couldnt really talk on twitter easy because i was in the middle of 2 important online tournies at the same time.
but i dont think i am guilty of the things she accused me of. i dont think i am disrepectful to women, (and i do think some black guys are by making them work as whores instead of treating them with love and respect. instead they violently beat them up if they dont bring in enough money). i think i am very respectful to women. i want a woman for a real loving longterm relationship, not just for casual sex. i want to make sure the woman enjoys herself if we are fooling around. i get offended by unkind comments others post to women on myyearbook.com and always go to speak up in their behalf if others make crude sexuals comments, and yet still i get blocked my women there because so many cannot stand the fact i dont agree with the new liberal culture celebrating drinking and gay marriage, and when i speak out against sin and wickedness, they block me. even though i am thier greatest defender. and i dont believe all the lies people say about rick santorum either. any man who dont believe in sharia law and honor killings and votes republican to stop those things from ever taking place in america is a good man. if people think Christianity is somehow anti-women, they need to read their Bible a little better, and look at how moslem cultures treat their women. but whoops i cant say that to akgal, it would make me "racist".

and thats why things dont change and people dont speak out about mistreatment of women around the world. people are afraid of being labeled racist. i only tell women that id like to meet them become friends and get to know them, and that i want a real girlfriend and someone to fall in love with, and simply cause they dont like my picture, or think im socially awkward, they block me when i try to make friends. having to live in a casino and meet them there also tends to give them wrong impressions. i'm less racist than others, because id be willing to spend time with a woman who isnt white. lots of blacks exclusively date white women, and treat black women like dirt. and thats one of the reasons im afraid to trust black men, until i get to know them rather well, like the young mark who plays poker at bills, and was cynthia the dealers bf at osheas. (not the same cindy at IP). totally different woman. also adrian the dealer at the nugget is a very nice guy, and Quentin the dealer at the IP. all of whom are black.

my favorite floorman ever was leroy from the president in st louis, hes black. and my favorite teacher in 9th grade in great bend ks was mr whitfield, he was black.

i dont think i am racist. i just was mistreated a lot by blacks in prisons, homeless shelter, mental institutions, and out on the street in very bad neighborhoods so i have a lot of fears. i would think anyone would be able to understand that i dont judge others by their color the same way blacks and liberals judge me by the fact im white. political correctness has destroyed and ruined this country.

akgal thinks that because ive always wanted a woman to have her free time available to spend with me in the casino instead of having to work. but arent there still women that dream of being independently wealthy, not having to work, and be a mom and a wife instead of a career person with no free time? who could play poker as many hours a day as me? i would think that means i want to be very good to my woman. and since i feel like i cannot do this without money, it also works to make me more bitter about the fact i have no money, be bitter towards those with money, and be more desperate to build up my roll.

only way i see my problems will ever get solved is if i have a far far larger roll. and i want to do anything i can to make my poker game better, so i can grind out a large amount of money. and to stay off machines which are bad for me, and to learn a lot more selfdiscipline to not let things that annoy me to get me so upset.

u see the problem with that other website is the people posting there dont want me to do anything to change. they want me to continue as i am, to constantly behave worse and worse, just for their entertainment value, and to get me banned. if someone posts there, unless they are doing it to stand up and defend me which i wish more people would since me and josie dont want to post there but ignore the site instead, it makes me wonder about how they really feel about me.

and u know norcaljew and ninjaturtle on 2+2 who didnt want me around anymore and to be friends when i went off on the dealer over posting $3 blinds? i was originally trying to be friends with them too, just didnt know how to go about it. i got so angry over all the beats which took about $500 out of my $4800 roll down to 4300 if i remember right. and they shouldve been a little more understanding as to why i was in such a bad mood. i dont know how to tell when people are being mean, and i just thought the dealer was being mean. lots of others have told me he wasnt, and i accept that now, but how the fuck was i supposed to know that at the time?

and socorro or someone said i shouldnt only let positive people view my blog and not allow any criticism? ive got criticism of me on here left and right. ive not banned critical comments at all, only unkind comments. i dont think he really understands me. and i did show up at the nugget unlike what he said in that pm. i never could tell who was him, i got to thinking i couldnt trust him anymore to not be unkind. i couldve been wrong, but i cannot tell who to trust and whom not to trust. all it would take is one person to show them my new blog.

------Kristi Smith‏@AlaskaGal1Reply
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@sevencard2003 You might have more friends/supporters if you simply learned to treat people how YOU want to be treated.

tony bigcharles‏@sevencard2003Reply
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@AlaskaGal1 i pretty much do treat people that way until i feel theyve done something horribly unkind to me and way out of line.


tony bigcharles‏@sevencard2003




my only problem is due to the autism, i cannot always tell whose being unkind intentionally and whose being unkind intentionally.








18h Kristi Smith‏@AlaskaGal1





@sevencard2003 Like being black?



In reply to tony bigcharles




18h Michael Reed‏@merchdawg





Alright, think I will go to sleep now.








18h tony bigcharles‏@sevencard2003




@AlaskaGal1 i pretty much do treat people that way until i feel theyve done something horribly unkind to me and way out of line.



In reply to Kristi Smith




18h Michael Reed‏@merchdawg





All of the Kostitsyn's with stars tonight. Andrei getst 1st, Sergei gets 3rd, Erat gets the other.








18h Michael Reed‏@merchdawg





#Preds are now only 2 points behind the Wings.








18h Kristi Smith‏@AlaskaGal1





@sevencard2003 You might have more friends/supporters if you simply learned to treat people how YOU want to be treated.








18h Michael Reed‏@merchdawg





This Kostitsyn interview, I just do what I do.








18h Julian Rodriguez‏@jae811





HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAUAHAHAHAHART @fountainnnn He only goes to great teams though RT @YvesAVENGERZ: Time for Phil Jackson to return to the Knicks








18h Peter Sanders‏@psandman





@AlaskaGal1 well if you invite the crazy violent, racist, homeless guy into your life ......



In reply to Kristi Smith




18h Apollo @AVP‏@apolloavp





@AlaskaGal1 I really dig the Ooma blacklist feature. I can give out my number and just blacklist abusers so the get a disconnected message.



In reply to Kristi Smith




18h Michael Reed‏@merchdawg





Thank you Pekka. Hands go up! #Preds








18h Kristi Smith‏@AlaskaGal1





@sevencard2003 not interested. Talking to you is like talking to a brick wall. None of these things haven't been said to you before.



In reply to tony bigcharles




18h tony bigcharles‏@sevencard2003




@AlaskaGal1 how can u prove it? would u like to see what he sent me>



In reply to Kristi Smith




18h Travis Netterfield‏@FuBaR1218





@sevencard2003 post it or GTFO








18h Michael Reed‏@merchdawg





Pekka coming up big. #Preds








18h tony bigcharles‏@sevencard2003




@AlaskaGal1 i dont think any of those things are true, why not talk to me about it in a private email?



In reply to Kristi Smith




18h Kristi Smith‏@AlaskaGal1





@sevencard2003 it is a lie.



In reply to tony bigcharles




18h Michael Reed‏@merchdawg





AK46 everyone. #Preds








18h tony bigcharles‏@sevencard2003




@AlaskaGal1 not only is that not a lie, i saved the evidence and can post it



In reply to Kristi Smith




18h tony bigcharles‏@sevencard2003




actually im not doing all that bad in the other tourny either. the most important tourney is 2 off the money in hand for hand.








18h Kristi Smith‏@AlaskaGal1





@PokerGrump @psandman LOL, definitely not the same thing as getting my passport stamped.



In reply to Poker Grump




18h Kristi Smith‏@AlaskaGal1





@sevencard2003 you are disrespectful to women. You are racist. You are narcissistic. Why would I WANT to be your friend or loyal supporter?



In reply to tony bigcharles




18h David Brent‏@CoolDave88





@MissingFlops Try this link: http://shadowgrind.wordpress.com/2012/03/



View media




18h Chris Choy‏@chrischoy





dunder-mifflin, this is kevin. please hold








18h Kristi Smith‏@AlaskaGal1





@sevencard2003 you lied in one blog and said my boss sent you a "profanity laced" response to your request to attend an AVP meet. Lie.



In reply to tony bigcharles




18h Robert Woolley‏@RandomlyBob





Grocery list currently has 4 items. 3 of them start with "p." Might have to delete "butter" from the list to keep consistency. #ocd








18h Kristi Smith‏@AlaskaGal1





@sevencard2003 I quit reading your blog long ago but lately have seen some copied segments and some of it pissed me off





18h Kristi Smith‏@AlaskaGal1





@sevencard2003 you have actually been disrespectful on a couple of occasions.



In reply to tony bigcharles




18h Michael Reed‏@merchdawg





That 3rd period looked like the Kings game last week all over. Just horrible defensive period. #Preds need to step it up in OT.








18h Poker Grump‏@PokerGrump





Sounds like a sexual euphemism to me. RT @AlaskaGal1: @psandman the dog finally ate the gravy.








18h Travis Netterfield‏@FuBaR1218





Can we piece together that @sevencard2003 was the first unfriendly of @AlaskaGal1 ?




@AlaskaGal1 and i never will be to people that are assholes to me. to those whove never been though, ive always been loyal to them.
@AlaskaGal1 95% of americans are taught to hate me due to my color and disability and im the racist and the bad guy?
@AlaskaGal1 and deserve special rights not given to whites, jews and native americans
@AlaskaGal1 all races are equal in Gods sight, and im sick of the far left wing PC crowd saying blacks and mexicans better



In reply to tony bigcharles




18h tony bigcharles‏@sevencard2003




@AlaskaGal1 why do u think black men are morally superior to white people and should be treated as gods and whites should be demonized?



In reply to Kristi Smith




18h Kristi Smith‏@AlaskaGal1





@sevencard2003 OMG... Please stop.



In reply to tony bigcharles




18h tony bigcharles‏@sevencard2003




@AlaskaGal1 i am not anywhere near as racist as most black guys are. black guys think black woman are inferior and wont go out with them



In reply to Kristi Smith




18h tony bigcharles‏@sevencard2003




@sevencard2003 @AlaskaGal1 to write down all my thoughts no matter how crazy to help me with healing.
@AlaskaGal1 i dont think ive ever been unkind to someone in person whose black for being black. things i say in blogs, my therapist said to

------a little out of order, but im not good at copying and pasting off twitter, and im sick of being online, been typing this post over 2 hours now.

so can i trust socorro01 or not? i cannot find what tatude is referring to i looked thru all his twitter feed, it must have been posted on either avp or dablackpimps website instead of twitter.

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