Sunday, April 8, 2012

well i finally was able to get a bunch of milks and pieces of pumpkin pie from binions cafe, and also some potato salad for my fridge, bad news was they were out of mashed potatoes.

played at binions for about 2 hours and won around $100, new roll is right around $2900. Which is still extremely troublesome, especially since i need to be spending a lot of money right now traveling to louisiana and back to replace an ID. the reason i cant get it around here has nothing to do with needing an address, or being a resident or not. thats actually a bigger problem in louisiana. its simply because louisiana is where i had an ID before, which keeps me from needing to show my birth certificate and showing a Canadian birth certificate in a place like NV or CA would create problems with proving my citizenship.

Back when i used to make my living panhandling from like age 19-25 before i became better at poker, i remember a real cold snowy winter day outside the interstate exit where all the cars turn by Clarendon Hills (a rich suburb of Chicago). it was about a week before Christmas, and i was freezing to death out there, kept having to walk over to a restaurant and order hot chocolate. yet i couldnt leave, i was making more money than i ever had in all the time id panhandled, the local paper even did a small interview with me, and i told them i couldnt find work. and an older lady even invited me to rake some leaves etc at her house and i went and did it for her and earned some money. (not the same day). I was holding up a sign offering to work. But since it was so bitter cold, and so close to Christmas, i made far more than the normal $35-60 i used to make a day back then (when people still gave. nowdays its much less). i ended getting close to $300 that day, several people gave me a $20, and i never ever seen another day like it since. i remember i was heading into davenport IA to play poker on the riverboat, but a snowstorm came in and instead i ended up holed up for about $45 a nite at a nearby days inn. reason being because i was lucky to have earned so much the day before, i was able to take the next day off and not leave the room during the snowstorm.

what makes me think of it now, is i remember placing a personal ad in the newspaper, looking to meet a woman and mentioning in the ad i was a panhandler. was curious if anyone would answer. actually someone did, but it was someone curious about me (not a dating prospect) and just wondered if i was ok and needed anything. Kind of like the woman up in seattle who when i was homeless invited me to come stay at her house, but i was afraid to because she looked like a crack whore and i was worried about getting set up because at the time i had a few hundred in my sock she didnt know about. im always been worried to stay in peoples houses, although i did safely do so once in fort wayne when invited over to someones house, but that was a christian family and i felt secure with them.

and i guess thats why i worry so much about homelessness and becoming broke. those were horrible days in my past, and id like to think those days are over for good and will never happen again. But i dont know. i dont even know if ill be able to get back on ssi, and it has nothing to do with the money i owe back to the govt, its because its been so long ago now, i think they completely closed out my case altogether. if i was back on, they would just give me $606 a month instead of $673 because theyd be taking out the 10% every month to recover all overpayments like they always have in the past.

but then again at times when not winning, or when doing something stupid like blowing a lot of money on the VBJ because i was a fool and bet way too much, i feel like i deserve to be without a place and living on the streets because of my stupidity. and i feel subconsciously that if i would hurry up and be homeless for a few days now early, it might help me recover faster and then be protected from being homeless long term instead.

and ive found out one thing that might be helping me in DON sngs on BCP. instead of having it set to chat, i set it to INFO instead. that way i always can see what place i am in, and know whether i am in the top 5 or not.

for someone whose played poker as long as i have, its not good to be forced to only buyin $100-110 when sitting down at a poker table. yet u are never supposed to go below 30 buyins and i dont even have 30 buyins of that. i felt like i was at a decent table at binions tonite, but i just couldnt take the risk of giving it all back once i was up to around $200.

ok now this might be an idea to make a little money. does anyone have anything they want to advertise, and are they willing to hand me a few bucks here in the casino, or transfer me a little on BCP in exchange for the ad space? i might need grouchies help with this, but just because i cant use googles adsense program shouldnt mean im unable to sell other peoples ads. this would really help if i could get a few dollars here and there by putting up ads for others, links etc. out of all the people who read this blog, surely someone has something they would like to help promote.

also if someone wanted to spend several thousand to get me into inpatient therapy to make sure my VBJ machine addiction was cured once and for all id be willing to do if i wasnt putting up the money. for as much as i feel like it might do me good to talk to a counselor, seeing one 1 day a week isnt what will get me off of machines.

being upset about how Josie took my email has helped to keep me off machines though. i didnt play any while out on the strip after that one loss at the westin she knows about, and while i did play a short while last nite, i kept the bets really small, none over $27, and stopped when i got the 40 points for the 2nd spin instead of getting the whole 300 points with a lot more risk. and i still managed to get a $20 food voucher, which brings the payback up to over 105% counting comps. so not bad for only 40 points ($320 coin in). i just hope she dont decide she has the right to keep the $10 transfer online she promised me a while back,(for sending my mom an extra $10) simply because shes mad i talked about planning suicide when i didnt really mean it and only said that that time (and in the past to others) when really frustrated and disgusted with myself. i mean i might deserve it, but i want to know i can depend on her no matter what. theres really no one i can depend on.

and i need to pick up a package lightning sent me too. the ups store emailed me i had a package so im sure it must be the pants he sent.

this shows a really cheap flight to philly from vegas tomorrow nite. i should just go get a cheap apt there and get back on ssi before my id expires may 23. by there i mean vineland NJ where i used to have a room in an old hotel $90 a week, wonder how much higher they are now over 10 yrs later?

i think ballys ac would be a great place for cheap holdem games, lots of $1-1 blind games there and loose fish. ac also has lots of $19 rooms on weekdays now i hear. and some big new rooms.

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