Saturday, October 13, 2012

I'm too hard on others

I feel bad about getting mad at those whove tried to help, one friend in particular, simply due to something i dont think would be a good idea to discuss here, all because i lost the $1100 on the VBJ the other day and had too much cash on me. cannot go into the details as to why. let's just say ive forgiven all involved. the blame only resides with me. Also i am in the process of moving, not sure exactly where to, might live out of vegas or in casinos for awhile, but ill make sure im in a better location needing less cabs and that far less people will have any idea of where it is this time. Need to get away from the stress, dont want to lose all the money back. already last night i was down to $4600 of the $6300 i briefly had for a few hours.

and i guess it might be working, for heres some good news. last night won $285 in the $1-3 NL game. got lucky on a couple allins. i was in the game for $100, lost it, rebought $196 (all the remaining cash i had on me) and eventually at one point had it up to about $635. and still managed to leave with $580. i even considered leaving sooner being the game was down to the last 4-5 people and several had me covered and almost covered, and thats not my strengths.

felt good meeting up with tatude last night and talking to him about various things going on i refuse to talk about here that have been bothering me. After talking to him i feel better, and more inclined to sees ways in which i was either wrong, or too harsh. we talked about 30 minutes, he got out of bed and came downstairs.

Talking to someone else earlier in the day helped me avoid making a different rash decision id have lived to maybe regret. Now i have additional time to try and do what is best. Its someone whose friendship i really value. also i need to be working on getting my sleep hours fixed too. i am sleeping sometimes 2 6 hour or 4 hour shifts, and thats never a good idea.

and im still needing to replace a bike, but being unsure of plans, and hating to put out so much money makes me delay it, im too focused on the daily grind of trying to grow the roll. lets just say my roll is so much better off than the $2000 i had a month or so ago, i should be happy, and i shouldnt be stressing out the one person who means the most to me in life.

12 comments:

  1. Good job, Tony. You said a lot of things that make sense. Next time, think of these things before you send nasty emails to your friends.

    I still strongly believe you should think about getting a job - any kind of job. It will provide some stability in your life, and you'll have a steady income which means you won't be so stressed about money all the time.

    Good luck. Play smart poker and stay away from the machines.

    D

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  2. Tony,

    Sounds like you are making progress.

    Good luck,

    snevman

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  3. "i should be happy, and i shouldnt be stressing out the one person who means the most to me in life."

    Why are you taking it out on your son?

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  4. I'll sell you a bike for $40. It's the same kind that you had before so you already know how to use it ;)

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  5. I don't even know why I continue to read this crap. It just makes me want to ram my head through the wall. It's the exact same crap over and over and over and over. Ugh.

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  6. It's the same crap over and over and over and over. Going to stick my head in the oven now.

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  7. "Good luck,

    snevman"

    Ahem. Aren't you forgetting something?

    Good luck, of course.

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  8. Grump,

    Tony has not used this infamous line in some time so, of course, I am not going to continue to beat a dead horse.

    Good luck,

    snevman

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  9. http://sevencard2003.proboards.com/index.cgi?action=display&board=general&thread=3&page=9#3859 this should be a working link to the hand history thread thats just been updated in the forum, but if it dont work, I'm not gonna spend time trying to figure out how to make it work, so just copy and paste it.

    if u comment there, ill know u seen it

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  10. Sorry to hear you are stressing so much about your son.

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  11. Its fairly clear for anyone that reads this that you are 'not right in the head'. You need professional help. You will not progress until you seek out treatment and professional help. Period. There are voices in your head that are in no others (except the ill). You know you have autism. Why not seek out professional help? I really do not get it. So, if it doesn't work at least you tried to improve yourself in some way. Now, that would be progress.

    Have you just resigned yourself that there is no help for you? Do you enjoy having no woman, or stressing the one dolt that is desperate enough to have interest in you? Have they told you previously there is no help for you? Are you too far gone? You always want someone to talk to - why not make it with someone that may actually be able to help you with your issues?

    Do you think it is everyone's responsibility to put up with the differences in your brain? I do not know why, but I have the feeling if you took some real initiative here, got some real professional help, that your life could actually improve dramatically. That things would work out much better for you.

    The strange thoughts, voices, weird personality, phobias are not going to go away. But there is a good chance they can be worked on, whittled down, discussed.

    Otherwise, the interested will just wait to see what f'd up stuff you will be doing next. And happy we do not have your mental problems.

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  12. This blog is slowly but surely dying.

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