upset over a lot of things lately, and maybe i shouldnt be since my roll is now all the way up to $4400 again. and also a lot of what i am upset with is not just other people but also myself. i am upset i am playing machines again when my week isnt over with yet. and mostly whats even worse is WHERE i played those machines, and the SCALE of which ive been playing the bad paying machines, such as VP 100 play at the hardrock, and the VBJ at the wynn. i am in serious need of needing to get back in to see the counselor, but cannot bring myself to put out the time, would seriously interfere with my sleeping pattern.
i am angry at myself for the scale of which i played them things, all out of stupidity, frustration, and as always, the desperate need to try and get unstuck on the machine so it wont affect my poker play after i get off. i couldve won so much more lately.
the day before in the hardrock, i lost $184 on it while waiting for my seat. (its so terrible late in the evening the game starts, today it didnt start til way after 9pm). and i know the payback on that machine sucks really bad, but i dont want to start off the day wasting money on a cab before i even start playing when ive got a casino right across the street from home. and after winning $242 in the game today off a $100 buyin, and cashing out $342, i went and lost $160 on the machine again, same bad payouts. the machines up the street at terribles have much better payouts. same at the wynn, i wasted $75 on the horrible paying VBJ on the way out the door the day before after losing in the $1-3 NL. Not the same day as kingofdonks was in town.
and both times i got the money back on the VBJ at slotsoffun, the good paying machine with decent comps (but NO cashback anymore) and which u can count the cards on still. am up to $245 in comps at circus now, and 3 weeks ago i had only $65 in comps. today i got back over $225 on it, and yesterday morning i got back $300+ on it. have run above average on it lately. the other day i even got dealt 4 of a kind on the bottom hand of the 100 play while on the 5c level and 50 hands for $300 win, but of course its such a bad machine unlike the slotsoffun VBJ i gave back MORE than that.
its just that i feel im playing poor playing machines way too much lately. (not referring to the slotsoffun one). Because i dont consider that to be one of the bad ones. and i know i might drop out of the $4000s at anytime if i dont learn better self
Claudia gave me some very good advice, and i refused to follow it. (the advice was to take the day off when i hit $4000, and just stay home). one reason i didnt follow it is cause ive been losing online, if i bust out of this $20 sng im in now without making the money, i wont even have $40 left on feltstars of the $203 i was up to once. late edit 10 min later--won the sng.
and im upset at all the people that have disappointed me ive wanted to be friends with, and particularly with women. Think claudia, koala, lightning, seattle irish, maninblack, Britni, stump, and others who never talk to me. People i trusted, and now for one reason or another i dont, (not all of those listed), or people who never talk to me anymore on the blog who i valued their input very much and missed. all ive ever wanted is to use this blog to make friends to hang out with and yet almost no one ever does. pokerjohnny and sickcallmggee and stump did briefly but never anymore much at all. was nice to meet 1 guy from 2+2 last night who has this thread:
i dont understand why i cant seem to make friends with people, particularly single women i tried to and get them to like me for who i am. was very bitterly disappointed in claudia not wanting to fall in love with me for who i am. enclosed is the link to a woman on meetme.com who at one point last year added me as a friend. and why do women do that if THEY ARENT INTERESTED?
i was going thru my old friends list on there, (not writing strangers mind u but only those who at one point in the last year added me as a friend, a lot of whom ive never really talked to) and i sent a message to a few suggesting i meet them and get to know them before its too late and they are no longer single. she sent me back a no thanks message, and when i asked why someone would add me as a friend if they had no interest in really being a friend and getting to know me, she got an attitude and said to delete her, which im doing.
one thing thats been getting under my skin both of the last 2 nights in the game at the hardrock is guys with girls sitting behind them. one last night who almost got thrown out, and then a different one tonight. Both of which irritated me because i didnt want to be watching them making out being reminded of the fact i was left behind in vegas with no one. the guy tonight met this girl on plentyoffish, and her name is allegra, odd name, and she used to be a cocktail waitress at the pioneer and is on a chip there. no idea which profile is hers on pof.com though. they seemed to been together for more than one date, acted very affectionate. she had no clue about poker and he was trying to show her. no one ever writes me back on plentyoffish and its cause ive got that terrible picture making me look black, look up paradise455 there. Being so broke just makes it much worse. were i rich, some would overlook the picture.
why cant i have a good woman to love me like marissa from hooters from the commerce, ashley from ute mountain the dealer in CO from hooters, or liz from the riviera who always plays the freeroll? Or maybe the mexican girl Doc was going to introduce me to if only he was trustworthy, not ripped me off on that room deal and lied about a stake.
and then at terribles a woman asked to bum 50c the day before and i sent claudia yesterday morning a bitter and angry text about it. she said her husband played osheas alot and thats where she knew me from, not sure exactly which guy he was but she seemed to be broke and looking for money, why wasnt he giving it to her? shes not with me so how is she my responsibility? if i give a woman money i want to be her man. otherwise she has no business expecting me to support her.
so because i felt irritated at hardrock jenna from osheas now works massages at hardrock instead of osheas and shes always very nice and i took 1 ten minute one just to have a woman to talk to. was lucky to win there.
the other girl ive always been in love with and wanted to marry someday, tiffany anderson on my facebook friends list who dont like me cause im 23 and shes 43, ignored my texts the other day about opening up a feltstars acct and she always used to bug me about playing online thats the girl sexylilvixen of the old neverbeg forum days, now parttime poker. the one who knows Britni and Lorna. the one who drove me around san Jose and did my laundry. shes busy with her very young daughter and family and im not around cali to buy her in the game anymore so i never hear from her.
and why cant i find vinces blog, supposedly dafatcableboxguy.com, website dont seem to exist anyone know why? he said he paid to register it.
and even though ive been winning VBJ slotsoffun with a $40 bet cap (1% of roll) almost never bet, i hate the way theres little security there late at night, and all the bums in there and outside who are quite drunk and very broke, and always trying to hustle credits. they walk up, pretend they dont know the money in the slot next to u on the machine is really u, and try and sit, no one is that blind. theyre looking for money.
now theres a guy who mightve played with me from the Riv, who knows doc. i dont remember him, but he seemed really broke and trying to get money. i talked to him briefly earlier and he claimed he could stake me. then he claimed there was a game at riv, when i knew it died hours earlier so i suspected some kind of hustle was up. i thought he might have just wanted to get me to cross the street with him. i seen him with 2 guys i didnt know if they were his friends or not, but it seemed like he was asking them for money or beer, wasnt sure what was going on. they did leave in different directions after he got barred, but he got them to leave too. he says i busted him with aa at the riv before, and is a unlv student and really seems broke.
anyway he came up to me on the VBJ while playing 3 spots, and asked me if i could change a five, and im not showing him any money, besides my money was already inserted in the machine divided up among the 3 spots. then he sits down with 5 ones and starts trying to put money in one of my 3 spots directly next to me, that ive got over $100 in. i know hes trying to steal the credits, then he claims he didnt know its mine, gets mad im on more than 1 spot, keep in mind there are 5 spots and im using 3 and 2 open spots, right on the other side of that spot. then when i say that hey ive got money in there, and show him the credits and that he cant put money in there, he gets real indignant and tells me i better leave and take my money before he beats me up. he seemed either high or drunk, and must of lost at poker if he really plays because he wasnt in a good mood. i just knew he was trying to scam me somehow, alot of the regulars at the riv are jerks and think im an easy target. so i got security and they threw him out, then he kept flipping me off and one of his friends said that guy was waiting for me outside. i was so mad he tried to rip me off and hustle me, no one should ever do that to me, for i understand what its like to be homeless or broke, i was in that position at that same age for years, so if i had the money id have considered staking him for $50 in the game if he was just not such a jerk to me and was trying to have made friends and talked to me instead of copping such an attitude. what an ass, now ill never trust him any more than i do doc.
get so tired of street people always trying to hustle me when im playing a machine. that place really attracts a lot of very broke people, but always male broke drunks, not women who might hang out and are broke the way terribles does. and i guess thats why i came up with the title of this blog, not to offend anyone, but because so many people are jerks and assholes when im only trying to either be left alone or make friends and i dont know how to react.