Thursday, October 4, 2012

man do people piss me off

upset over a lot of things lately, and maybe i shouldnt be since my roll is now all the way up to $4400 again. and also a lot of what i am upset with is not just other people but also myself. i am upset i am playing machines again when my week isnt over with yet. and mostly whats even worse is WHERE i played those machines, and the SCALE of which ive been playing the bad paying machines, such as VP 100 play at the hardrock, and the VBJ at the wynn. i am in serious need of needing to get back in to see the counselor, but cannot bring myself to put out the time, would seriously interfere with my sleeping pattern.

i am angry at myself for the scale of which i played them things, all out of stupidity, frustration, and as always, the desperate need to try and get unstuck on the machine so it wont affect my poker play after i get off. i couldve won so much more lately.

the day before in the hardrock, i lost $184 on it while waiting for my seat. (its so terrible late in the evening the game starts, today it didnt start til way after 9pm). and i know the payback on that machine sucks really bad, but i dont want to start off the day wasting money on a cab before i even start playing when ive got a casino right across the street from home. and after winning $242 in the game today off a $100 buyin, and cashing out $342, i went and lost $160 on the machine again, same bad payouts. the machines up the street at terribles have much better payouts. same at the wynn, i wasted $75 on the horrible paying VBJ on the way out the door the day before after losing in the $1-3 NL. Not the same day as kingofdonks was in town.

and both times i got the money back on the VBJ at slotsoffun, the good paying machine with decent comps (but NO cashback anymore) and which u can count the cards on still. am up to $245 in comps at circus now, and 3 weeks ago i had only $65 in comps. today i got back over $225 on it, and yesterday morning i got back $300+ on it. have run above average on it lately. the other day i even got dealt 4 of a kind on the bottom hand of the 100 play while on the 5c level and 50 hands for $300 win, but of course its such a bad machine unlike the slotsoffun VBJ i gave back MORE than that.

its just that i feel im playing poor playing machines way too much lately. (not referring to the slotsoffun one). Because i dont consider that to be one of the bad ones. and i know i might drop out of the $4000s at anytime if i dont learn better self

Claudia gave me some very good advice, and i refused to follow it. (the advice was to take the day off when i hit $4000, and just stay home). one reason i didnt follow it is cause ive been losing online, if i bust out of this $20 sng im in now without making the money, i wont even have $40 left on feltstars of the $203 i was up to once. late edit 10 min later--won the sng.

and im upset at all the people that have disappointed me ive wanted to be friends with, and particularly with women. Think claudia, koala, lightning, seattle irish, maninblack, Britni, stump, and others who never talk to me. People i trusted, and now for one reason or another i dont, (not all of those listed), or people who never talk to me anymore on the blog who i valued their input very much and missed. all ive ever wanted is to use this blog to make friends to hang out with and yet almost no one ever does. pokerjohnny and sickcallmggee and stump did briefly but never anymore much at all. was nice to meet 1 guy from 2+2 last night who has this thread:

i dont understand why i cant seem to make friends with people, particularly single women i tried to and get them to like me for who i am. was very bitterly disappointed in claudia not wanting to fall in love with me for who i am. enclosed is the link to a woman on who at one point last year added me as a friend. and why do women do that if THEY ARENT INTERESTED?

i was going thru my old friends list on there, (not writing strangers mind u but only those who at one point in the last year added me as a friend, a lot of whom ive never really talked to) and i sent a message to a few suggesting i meet them and get to know them before its too late and they are no longer single. she sent me back a no thanks message, and when i asked why someone would add me as a friend if they had no interest in really being a friend and getting to know me, she got an attitude and said to delete her, which im doing.

one thing thats been getting under my skin both of the last 2 nights in the game at the hardrock is guys with girls sitting behind them. one last night who almost got thrown out, and then a different one tonight. Both of which irritated me because i didnt want to be watching them making out being reminded of the fact i was left behind in vegas with no one. the guy tonight met this girl on plentyoffish, and her name is allegra, odd name, and she used to be a cocktail waitress at the pioneer and is on a chip there. no idea which profile is hers on though. they seemed to been together for more than one date, acted very affectionate. she had no clue about poker and he was trying to show her. no one ever writes me back on plentyoffish and its cause ive got that terrible picture making me look black, look up paradise455 there. Being so broke just makes it much worse. were i rich, some would overlook the picture.

why cant i have a good woman to love me like marissa from hooters from the commerce, ashley from ute mountain the dealer in CO from hooters, or liz from the riviera who always plays the freeroll? Or maybe the mexican girl Doc was going to introduce me to if only he was trustworthy, not ripped me off on that room deal and lied about a stake.

and then at terribles a woman asked to bum 50c the day before and i sent claudia yesterday morning a bitter and angry text about it. she said her husband played osheas alot and thats where she knew me from, not sure exactly which guy he was but she seemed to be broke and looking for money, why wasnt he giving it to her? shes not with me so how is she my responsibility? if i give a woman money i want to be her man. otherwise she has no business expecting me to support her.

so because i felt irritated at hardrock jenna from osheas now works massages at hardrock instead of osheas and shes always very nice and i took 1 ten minute one just to have a woman to talk to. was lucky to win there.

the other girl ive always been in love with and wanted to marry someday, tiffany anderson on my facebook friends list who dont like me cause im 23 and shes 43, ignored my texts the other day about opening up a feltstars acct and she always used to bug me about playing online thats the girl sexylilvixen of the old neverbeg forum days, now parttime poker. the one who knows Britni and Lorna. the one who drove me around san Jose and did my laundry. shes busy with her very young daughter and family and im not around cali to buy her in the game anymore so i never hear from her.

and why cant i find vinces blog, supposedly, website dont seem to exist anyone know why? he said he paid to register it.

and even though ive been winning VBJ slotsoffun with a $40 bet cap (1% of roll) almost never bet, i hate the way theres little security there late at night, and all the bums in there and outside who are quite drunk and very broke, and always trying to hustle credits. they walk up, pretend they dont know the money in the slot next to u on the machine is really u, and try and sit, no one is that blind. theyre looking for money.

now theres a guy who mightve played with me from the Riv, who knows doc. i dont remember him, but he seemed really broke and trying to get money. i talked to him briefly earlier and he claimed he could stake me. then he claimed there was a game at riv, when i knew it died hours earlier so i suspected some kind of hustle was up. i thought he might have just wanted to get me to cross the street with him. i seen him with 2 guys i didnt know if they were his friends or not, but it seemed like he was asking them for money or beer, wasnt sure what was going on. they did leave in different directions after he got barred, but he got them to leave too. he says i busted him with aa at the riv before, and is a unlv student and really seems broke.

anyway he came up to me on the VBJ while playing 3 spots, and asked me if i could change a five, and im not showing him any money, besides my money was already inserted in the machine divided up among the 3 spots. then he sits down with 5 ones and starts trying to put money in one of my 3 spots directly next to me, that ive got over $100 in. i know hes trying to steal the credits, then he claims he didnt know its mine, gets mad im on more than 1 spot, keep in mind there are 5 spots and im using 3 and 2 open spots, right on the other side of that spot. then when i say that hey ive got money in there, and show him the credits and that he cant put money in there, he gets real indignant and tells me i better leave and take my money before he beats me up. he seemed either high or drunk, and must of lost at poker if he really plays because he wasnt in a good mood. i just knew he was trying to scam me somehow, alot of the regulars at the riv are jerks and think im an easy target. so i got security and they threw him out, then he kept flipping me off and one of his friends said that guy was waiting for me outside. i was so mad he tried to rip me off and hustle me, no one should ever do that to me, for i understand what its like to be homeless or broke, i was in that position at that same age for years, so if i had the money id have considered staking him for $50 in the game if he was just not such a jerk to me and was trying to have made friends and talked to me instead of copping such an attitude. what an ass, now ill never trust him any more than i do doc.

get so tired of street people always trying to hustle me when im playing a machine. that place really attracts a lot of very broke people, but always male broke drunks, not women who might hang out and are broke the way terribles does. and i guess thats why i came up with the title of this blog, not to offend anyone, but because so many people are jerks and assholes when im only trying to either be left alone or make friends and i dont know how to react.


  1. I know I told myself a long time ago I'd stop wasting my time commenting in her but I will tell you this:

    Your life is a product of decisions you made on your own and continue to make. If you want things to be different, whining on a blog abut it isn't going to change anything.

    People offered you great advice and opinions for five straight years and you did nothing with it.

    What happens next is up to you.

  2. Be nice to people, you ARE an easy target. If someone followed you home and beat you up the cops probably wouldn't even take it seriously.

  3. Tony you dont really want a Girlfriend or Wife! If you wanted a relationship, friends, a so called normal life. You would be trying to get a real home a real life. Gamble gamble gamble lose get even gamble gamble pay rent panic GAMBLE GAMBLE win go home gamble gamble on Internet. Get A Freaking Real Life Interest Other Than GAMBLE GAMBLE GAMBLE... Getting a girlfriend wont help you change you will have to change to get
    the girl.

  4. "and im upset at all the people that have disappointed me ive wanted to be friends with, and particularly with women. Think claudia, koala, lightning, seattle irish, maninblack, Britni, stump, and others who never talk to me."

    Tony,do you think that maybe the reason these people have given up on you is your behavior? You need to learn how to be a friend to people. How to be nice and not so demanding. Friendship is a two way street.

  5. I see what you mean about women sitting behind you in the poker room now. It is a great feeling, you have been right for so long!!!! I started dated this younger woman, and she never knew anyone that played poker, so she can not get enough of sitting behind me for hours, rooting for my hands, having a good time talking to each other, and the funny thing is, she starts rubbing my back and neck after we have been there a few hours and I get a little stiff. She is having so much fun she wants to start playing herself. Generally, when women have wanted to sit behind me playing poker I always said cause no it's pretty boring, but this girl has a bubbly personality and has taken a real liking to poker.

    She also makes me feel good, because she is pretty hot and I notice a lot of the men checking her out. And I am sure a lot of them wish they could have her next to them, rubbing their back, and then going home with them.

  6. You are a jealous, envious, bitter person, Tony. Your attitude, your so called friends you can't seem to keep, and life in general is so negative and dismal why would you think people would want to be around that. People want to be around those that make them feel good and whose company they enjoy being in, but the way you act, talk and carry on day to day why would you think anyone would want to be anywhere near you. You take take take, and expect everything from everyone, but don't seem to want to give without expecting something in return. You act like a miserable old man who has had enough of life and is waiting for the end to come.

    You can fix this, but you have to want to. The machines??? Oh poor you you can't stay away. That's an excuse. You simply make a decision on what you will do or won't do and stick to it, case closed.

    When your out and about find one thing to feel good about and when you start feeling like your miserable self focus on that one thing each day. Attitude is a choice not destiny. You chooose what to do, how to act, and if things aren't the way you would like them then its up to you to make changes in your life to make those things happen.

    But I doubt you will. You would rather go through life mad at this person mad at that person and playing the woe is me where is my sympathy card. I hope you like solitude because when you pass from this earth you will die alone because the choices you have made keeps everyone away from you. Choose a different approach or not. The choice is yours but each come with rewards or consequences.

    1. Sounds a bit harsh, but I think the above post is pretty spot on. Tony, you get back what you send out into the universe. You have sad nasty things about most of the people you listed in your post (Maninblack, Koala, SI, etc.), it is amazing they still want to help you & wish you well. You have actually gotten a lot in return for what little you have given to others.

      You have gotten so much great advice on every relevant topic over the years, yet you rarely make any concerted effort to change for the better. You refused to go home after hitting the $4k mark, because you have too little money online? WTF kind of logic/thinking is that? Who says you have to gamble when you are home? For god's sake find something to do/learn other than gambling every waking hour of the day. You bemoan about your lonelyness, yet you do nothing to better yourself so that your can be a better person, someone that others will want to spend time with outside of the casino.

  7. young girls only like older guys who have money.

    a broke 43 year old is just creepy to a 23 year old

  8. Tony,

    Have you noticed that the hustlers and low lifes don't bother you when you play at the Wynn or the Hardrock? When you hang out at dumps and play machines you can expect to be in contact with lower life forms.
    I am not saying that all they people the play there fit into this category, and I am also not saying they do not, from time to time, frequent the Wynn and the Hardrock, but what I am saying is you will have many, many more interactions with these types in places like Slots a' Fun. Additionally, the level of professionalism displayed by the security staff is in direct correlation to the level of cuisine served, enough said.
    Before focusing on finding a woman, why not get your life straight. Even if you were to find your perfect match tomorrow, you are not in a position to enter a mutually beneficial relationship. You have no stability in your life and nothing to really offer a woman as a companion because of your paranoia of your living conditions and bankroll.
    Focus on playing poker and building a bankroll. Once you are able to relax and live a comfortable life, you can then be in a position to meet a good woman and have a meaningful relationship.
    Good luck, of course,


  9. Tony, please.

    "The vast majority of people in this country" have done NOTHING to you. I understand you are frustrated, but taking it out on everyone else isn't going to get you anywhere.

    You have access to plenty of good advice on your blog, much of which has come from Snevman and myself - your life isn't going to get better until YOU get better.

    BTW, Snevman is right - if you're going to hang out in that sh*thole Slots-o-Fun, especially late at night, you're going to have to deal with the lowlifes. Hell, I walked through there once in the middle of the afternoon and the place was filled with degenerates. Totally creeped me out.

    Ask yourself: WHY would a woman want to be with you? What do you have to offer? Even if you should somehow build your roll up to $100k, money is going to attract the wrong kind of women.

    I GUARANTEE if you just do the following, things will get better:

    1. Be NICE to everyone - even if they are not nice to you. (Isn't that what Jeebus would do??)
    2. Don't shoot your mouth off all the time and irritate everyone. Speak slowly and quietly when you DO talk.
    3. Find a job - even if only part time, to get some stability in your life.
    4. Don't stalk women online - it's creepy.
    5. Get into regular counselling, to address your machine addiction and personality traits.

    There you go - a simple 5-step plan to happiness. And I won't even charge you.

    I will arrive in Vegas on the 17th - will probably want to play some poker that evening, and again the next ... might go down to Hard Rock if you're there.

    Good luck (of course). And nice job on building up the roll - but stay away from the f*cking machines.


  10. Tony,

    I can't believe this post is so negative, when in fact you have done a terrific job of battling back from the brink of busto in the past couple of months.

    Focus on the positives. Continue to practise good game selection and keeping your mouth shut at the table.

    Good luck.

  11. am tired, going to sleep, no blog post for today as of yet, maybe later. yeah its too negative, not the post itself, but the title. u see i really am not capable of hating anyone. Jesus taught us to forgive, and i forget people and faces, and dont hold grudges the next time i see them as everyone remembers me and does. non Christians dont believe in forgiving, because they dont serve the same God. and i only get mean when i think someones being mean to me, (although sometimes they arent and it just seems that way to me). But others unlike me get mean intentionally. (think of aaron who plays at tx station).and to be honest the wins part luck on machines, today i won $165 off the VBJ and the rest mostly at the hardrock except for $11 in the wynn $2-5 game. i lost $171 at the riviera, first time i played $2-5 in a long long time.

    an interesting hand was todays hand i talked about on twitter. a guy makes it $13, he seemed to be a regualar id seen elsewhere at bills, but unsure. a guy from tucson called who i think is too a local now. i made it $65 with AQ on the button. both folded AK preflop, and then i showed the AQ. it was the 2nd time id took advantage of how tight the tucson guy was the other time i told him i was stealing his blind, he called. and on the river J came on a board of AKQ6J and i bet $35 and he folds and i showed 97 offsuit. i think my play has loosened up a lot in the last year. too much or just right?

  12. seems like flatting AQ > 3betting, even if they happened to fold AK there. you'll make more vs all the dominated Ax and Qx hands postflop and will have plenty of chances to 3bet bluff them with stuff like K5s. what is the value of showing once they fold? you just help them play more correctly in the future.

  13. Tony, I believe there's an important commandment that says "Love they Neighbor." This is not love.

  14. Stop focusing on women and poker and focus on living life.

    Good things come to people when they are not actively trying to seek them out with every fiber in their being.

    You can not eat, breathe, sleep, poker (and machines). You have to have something else out there to do for fun.
    I don't want to hear excuses that your roll is too low to even think about it because the only thing you added in when you were over 10k is $700 cab rides.

    You need a hobby, you need therapy.
    You know all of this but don't want to make changes because it might interfere with your sleeping schedule which interferes with your gambling.

  15. This blog is getting pretty boring, Tony ... need more frequent updates.

    What's going on???

  16. i agree this blog needs updated more frequently but im trying to decide what to post about last nights $125 ten k guarantee at the riv, see twitter feed and other blog, and ill post SOON, but the main thing i should be doing with my life isnt worrying about this blog, its about building and maintaining a roll and getting my hours in. nice to see me back to $4900. i held out by insisting on a chip chop, and that really benefitted me when we got to 7 players.

  17. but the main thing i should be doing with my life isnt worrying about this blog

    Prolly one of the smartest things I have EVER seen you post. Too bad the odds say you will not follow through on thought