sitting at home, playing $2 PLO8 double or nothing sngs. i dont think i can play good poker anymore, but im still considering riding the bus to boulder station later.
Finally am cool enough to turn the AC off, its so odd how the bathroom is always so hot from keeping the lights on all the time, and how i have to turn the ac on quite a bit to cool it in this house, but never have to turn on the heater almost never. And my mom asked me on facebook if my birthday package arrived yet, but the office said that i had no mail. am proud to report its been well over a week or so since i last saw a roach, anyone have any theories as to why they all disappeared? they came in and sprayed once or twice and i used up the $3 boric acid from walmarts.
i dont even see how ill maintain my place long enough to make it to chop my sun feb 10 birthday freeroll at samstown as broke as im getting. i cant afford to stay here, and the only way ill be able to survive and get off machines is to get out of town. i have no self control or discipline, and i wish my true friends would drive me around and find me a counselor who will accept me without cost.
and someone who gives me BETTER ADVICe this time. for the last counselor, being a woman, advised me to talk to someone else other than her--actually what she said was to find a friend i could call anytime i felt the urge to play a machine, that would talk me out of it. and the other advice was to "write down my feelings". of course i followed both of those pieces of advice religiously, and all my blog readers and people i texted were turned off by me publishing emotions and feelings, and talking nonstop about my problems with grump, Josie and Claudia is what drove them away, and made them say they couldnt handle it anymore, and im sure lightning will feel that way soon.
I dont feel like i have any real friends. not only will no one hang out with me if i dont spend the entire day traveling to them on multiple buses, a real friend is someone who will get out of bed at 3am to come bail u out of jail. at least thats what ive seen on multiple peoples facebook statuses in the past i am supposed to repost, but never do since i consider them chain letters.
i figured its been long enough since i talked to Claudia that she should forgive me by now, but of course, not being Christian, she doesnt believe in forgiveness as taught by Jesus. i found her number on a search online, her home number instead of her cell, because i dont think she still has the same cell. its the right number all right, the answering machine answers in her voice, and on the cell it does NOT, just an automated voicemail, repeating the phone number instead of her voice. her home phone answers in her voice. someone call it for me and find out why she didnt forgive me when i tried to be nice and quit talking about her in the blog, for she wont talk to me. (edited by author)
truthfully she could be charged with attempted murder, for calling the police on me when i was in Jean. for anyone knows the police value human life no more than she (or any liberal) does. This is why i hate liberals so much, they place no value on the lives of others. especially those with mental disabilities. The police a lot of times try to shoot to kill anyone they perceive as having a mental problem without cause. they have committed a lot of unjustified murders of unarmed people in vegas u can read about online. and Claudie put me in a position where they couldve opened fire into my hotel room without warning as i lay sleeping. I know the Lord Jesus wants me to forgive her for this, or he wont forgive me, but its not easy. wouldve been easier had she eventually talked and described how she was feeling and why she did it. alot of police work for Obama, they have no compassion, only the oathkeepers organization can be trusted. i was lucky that nice understanding officers came.
her initial words, back in the old days when Josie was warning me to not sign that contract i signed, still haunt me to this day. about how she said to not think of her as a friend, that she was only doing things for me like my laundry to try and get an article out of me. why she later became intimate ill never understand.
anyone know why all the MGM properties suddenly started listing their games on bravo?
and it dont seem the room at the pioneer in laughlin exists. at least there is nothing about it on their website. i dont put too much stock in that guys word because he also said arizona dont have any spread limit NL games with the $500 cap. and he claims he is from phoenix.
and now for how i lost all the money today, knocking a $2000 roll down to $1600, and todays hand history post. i will admit dablackpimp is right, ive not been posting near enough hand histories lately. it all started out when i sat down about 11.30 in the stud game, and i seen it had different players and was loose, and i actually started off doing good eking out a $35 profit, then had to wait for a holdem seat, but eventually got one. but man did i lose money fast in that holdem game. i did what had always worked for me before, (raising with whip-it hands to try and steal the antes and get the extra $25 in promo money). 2-6 offsuit, 2-7 offsuit, 2-8 offsuit, 2-9 offsuit and 3-8 offsuit. But today i got called every time. and was out the whole $119 within 90 minutes. i dont think i played well.
i got 2-7 offsuit, and made it $8 in late position. 2 others called dammit. flop comes 256 and i bet $6, get one caller. turn comes 8, and i bet and get raised, i call. river comes J, we both check, and he has KK. and two other times it was a similiar situation, all because i kept trying to win the promo $25 extra with the whip-it hands. they are even out of them donkey tshirts and this was the last week for the promo. i have no idea what the promo will change to next saturday.
i dont feel the old men play the promo right, they either fold or call with them hands but never preflop raise.
so i walked out $84 stuck after losing the $119, thoroughly pissed off. went to the bar (only VBJ machines) with the even money BJ but at least they allow doubling and splitting unlike all the harrahs properties. bet 25c, 50c, on up to 20 credits on the $5 denom of $100 total, which is idiotic of me to not go to a table for the final few bets since it pays even money, but when out a lot and pissed, its hard to think straight. u see i am too emotional of a person and its my downfall, and why i need the counseling but its got to be from someone who really wants to help make a change this time. preferably a guy counselor. For if a woman finds u unatractive sexually, she wont try to help, but instead to get u out of her sight as wuick as possible. if a guy counselor finds me unattractive sexually, i will not let it bother me, for as i told claudia, i quit having sex with men over 20 yrs ago.
yeah im so much a fool betting $100 where im getting paid even money, i must learn to not do self destructive things out of sheer angry worry and frustration, and i must quit playing in games so small i feel like i must "force the action to make any money". but what else can i do? i cant afford to play NL. seriously, i need to be looking for a loan