Tuesday, March 19, 2013

not in a good mood, and worried ill lose everything, but maybe i might as well hurry it up and end my life

was too pissed off to sit and play any more, almost broke the phone, caught myself betting way too much when im supposed to not raise my bets til the running count reaches +4, but it didnt reach that high for more than like 1 hand in hours, and i bet way too much on neutral counts and counts of +1 to +3 because i was so used to all the negative counts i was flat betting $1 on, i was waiting for ANY chance to raise up the bet. ended up losing $200, new roll $1530. i dont want to go broke, but if i do eventually, maybe its best i hurry up and end it now, and get on with a new life out on the streets panhandling so money can start going in instead of going out. i seriously need to follow Kimlees chart, but i really dont see how that will force wins any more than martingaling forces a win. how do i force a win? no matter how high the count gets, i know im going to lose the majority of the hands, so how do i force wins when the decks in my favor?

also my mom is turning 71 on march 25, and again i have nothing, and she will just be getting an ecard is all, and i hate being broke so much i feel like doing something really desperate for money that could get me a lot of prison time just so i can end it. need to shut down all blogs all websites, disappear completely like Britni so i can go and apply for food stamps also instead of just the ssi. but theres no way in hell ill get welfare, because my win loss statement here shows me winning a lot of money i didnt win, and welfare insists i bring it in if i want their help with medical. also i still need to disconnect the phone i cant pay, instead of waiting for them to shut it off.

and although i want to play online from the room and take breaks, i cannot afford to fund my seals acct, and of course, never went to setup a bitcoin acct that i can fund thru my bank someway.

yes, i really think a good way to get rid of stress would be to cut off all contact with the world, that would lower my monthly bills too. should just disappear to FL or CA and start sleeping outside, and spending the day panhandling instead of gambling, so the roll will start to grow, and where i can also again feel safe trying to get food stamps and ssi, which i dont feel safe doing in NV i could even find work if i was out of NV and didnt need to apply for cards to get jobs. the only reason ive not done that is because i dont want to lose my room and be outdoors at night. i just paid for 2 weeks yesterday with comps. new checkout date is monday apr 1.

must say im proud of stump for tweeting something the pope said, even if it caused one of his women friends to block him on twitter. notice the following twitter conversation. theres nothing humorous about this woman blocking him just because she hates God and wants nothing to do with God. never could understand why some people hate God so much, to not care is one thing, or have any interest, but why so much outright hostility? makes no sense. i cannot understand why AKgal thinks its funny. she is caught in the middle between him and this other girl. and i think AKgals feelings are truthfully more in line with stumps, she seems to be a good person, but of course i could be wrong. i do really miss stump.

this was the original tweet from stump:

17 MarPope Francis‏@Pontifex
Dear friends, I thank you from my heart and I ask you to continue to pray for me.
Pope Francis.

after Stump said this, a woman friend of AKgals blocked him, and said seeing him retweet something from the Pope made her gag. then later commented she wanted nothing to do with God.

then later stump tweeted this:

'The Bible' Series‏@bibleseries
#JesusIsComing! RT if you're excited!

Retweeted by Chris Abramski
Expand Reply

17 Mar'The Bible' Series‏@bibleseries
#Daniel is in the lion's den. RT if you are thankful for religious freedom. #TheBible

Retweeted by Chris abramski

17 MarChris Abramski‏@ChrisAbramski
@KeepsItRealz Nice! Tolerance at its finest. I'll pray for you. #Caring

keeps it realz is the woman who blocked stump, and this is why he said this to her, he seen that she had blocked him. and the bottom is a different conversation tonight when he was going to hangout with AKgal, and i mentioned how i felt about the whole thing.
(later added)

Kristi Smith‏@AlaskaGal1
@Andr0us @KeepsItRealz I think me and Jesus Freak might meet u guys for Bingo. Unless this is a private rendezvous....

5hStarts with a K‏@KeepsItRealz
@AlaskaGal1 lol. He hates me...

5hChris Abramski‏@ChrisAbramski
@KeepsItRealz @alaskagal1 I'm a godly man. I love everyone. :)

@ChrisAbramski @KeepsItRealz @AlaskaGal1 i am proud of what this pope stands for and believes, but im more proud of Stump for retweeting it

4htony bigcharles‏@sevencard2003
@ChrisAbramski @KeepsItRealz @AlaskaGal1 too many people nowdays are ashamed to stand up for whats right anymore. biggest sin is being PC

4hStarts with a K‏@KeepsItRealz
@sevencard2003 @chrisabramski @alaskagal1 #whenjesusfreaksattack

4hKristi Smith‏@AlaskaGal1
@KeepsItRealz the thing about @sevencard2003 is he doesn't "get" humor.

hope everyone was able to follow that wish people would be more willing to speak out how they feel. when all the real friends i had quit coming to this blog, it really went downhill. and when Grump started getting hateful and nasty and moved away and quit his blog, that didnt help either.


  1. Your phrasing is worriesome. In some sentences you seem to be intimating suicide. Are you depressed enough to hurt yourself?

  2. LOL. How can you have gambled for so many years and still be so terrible at it? It's pretty simple: don't tilt, keep your emotions under control, make the correct strategic play, and use proper bankroll management. Yet, you can't do any of these correctly.

    Please admit you are bad at this and find something else to do with your life. It's just a broken record otherwise.

  3. Suck it up. All I see in your blogs these days is excuses and whining and so little action. You could pay your phone bill instead of dumping $200 a day into VBJ, but you choose not to.

    All your AP friends at RTP win because they know a winning strategy and stick to it. You let your emotions take hold of you and then excuse away your actions.

    Welcome to what desperately seeking a 1-2% long term edge gets you. Now drink the bath water you drew for yourself.

  4. It's Drama Queen Tony time again. Maybe panhandling is your best option. Why don't you start today while it is still early in the week?

    Doing something to get prison time might not be a bad idea. At least then food and housing would not be an issue. Phone either. Just make sure violence is not part of your plan.

    Maybe trying to steal $1,000,000 in casino chips would be your best option? A quick grab 'n' go at a craps table somewhere?

  5. Tony, if your win/loss statement is going to hurt your chances of getting SSI, why are you oferring it up? Why not just tell them you are a losing poker player since poker is not tracked on the win/loss?

    You seem to indicate that you don't want to deceive the government. That is bullshit. You need to do what you need to do. And don;t use this an another excuse to mask your laziness.

    In sum - just follow through with the fucken welfare process. For once, follow through with something!

  6. Tony, hang in there baby. There are plenty of people that care about you. You haven't gone broke since I've known you, so I doubt you will now. Play smart.

  7. Just sucks that I'm not one of your REAL friends that used to read your Blog. Oh well... ;-)

  8. If you are really feeling so depressed and hopeless than suicide seems like the only way out, Tony, perhaps you should contact these folks.


    I'm not saying it would be pleasant, but wouldn't a stay at one of Nevada's Mental Health facilities at least be preferable to homelessness... or being dead? You'd at least get a regular, warm bed to sleep in and three meals a day. And I know the doctors and care personnel there would have good advice about how to get back on SSD and other assistance programs.

  9. Tony you are looking for sympathy from your readers, stop jackassing your money.. This situation is all your fault. If you rob someone or even kill yourself, my life, all of your readers will go on. You will be all but forgotten, only mentioned in passing conversations. Your need to have random strangers beg you to do whats best for you is sickening. You are a GROWN MAN do it for yourself!

  10. I've written three comments already, each of which I deleted. It is so easy to get sucked into the TBC vortex, but every time I see someone go in that direction, it only leads to frustration and, usually, TBC just turns the venom on his would be saviors. WTF, TBC. You hint at self-harm and you hint at committing a crime. In the past, you have threatened to commit violent felonies. I wish Claudia was around to call the cops on you.

  11. Tony, you will never learn to accept that the machines can't be beaten without the utmost patience and a lot of luck. When you couple that with the lack of patience that you have, and the must get even at all costs mindset, you are just never going to get there. I'm sure that Kim Lee would not advise you to play when you are in a fit of rage. Until you can control your temper, and learn to walk away, you will always be a loser.

    I would not be the least bit surprised if you are given your marching orders from the Gold Strike in the very near future, based on your present state of mind and behaviour, compared to your past history of doing the same thing at other places and getting banned. You need to wake up to reality Tony and pull your head in. What will you do if you are axed from the Gold Strike? Think about it before you react next time.

  12. Hi Tony. I been following your blog for several weeks now. You could use the little money you have left and try to find a roommate for several months while you either look for work or go through the process of SSI/Welfare. You have a decision to make, you been down that road before, being broke it going to make it any easier. It's over, you tried, you don't have the bankroll, let it go.

  13. Stop gambling, you have a decent amount of money to last you until you get paid from working a real job.

  14. One look at the Poker King Blog and one thing is for certain: they are obsessed with their computer-generated icon, a king who players poker, naturally. Besides that minor nuance, the Poker King Blog sticks to big-time poker news about pros and tournaments.

  15. It could be worse, Tony. You could be WSOP Main Event Champ, Greg Raymer:


    OK - maybe not worse...but Greg's wife sure isn't going to like that news. Feel particularly bad for his daughter...


    1. Not surprising in the least.

      He's a millionaire, his wife is fat.

  16. When I first came to Vegas, I had a six figure bank roll (the first number wasn't 1 either). I did the poker grind, and was happy making enough money to pay expenses and have a good time, without eating away at my money. Then I discovered VBJ. It seems so easy, and is fast money compared to grinding NL Poker. It ate up 90% of my bankroll. It often felt like an abusive spouse to me, you know what it's doing, but you keep coming back for some reason.

    I can understand a lot of what you are going through. I've been at the IP knowing checkout was the next morning and I had no where to go. It sucks, and I hate to see people give you such a hard time. I'll help anyway I can, because I have been in your shoes

  17. This is not to criticize Tony but you sound like you have it bottom as far as gambling and life goes. I am not going to tell you what to do with your life. I have my own problems as far as gambling goes. It seems like you need to take a long break away from the tables and just try to live day to day. Weather you seek help or get aid that is up to you not me. This blog sounds like someone who is in gambling hell and wants to win or end it all....

  18. Tony this sounds like you have hit rock bottom. Just quit gambling and try living day to day. Wins and loses come and go. If you go broke you will be on the rail with no bankroll and no reason to play. Quit gambling for a month and try and build a bankroll. I do not even care if you go on Government assistance. Everyone else is doing it.

  19. To no ones surprise, Tony is censoring comments that point out the shitty path he's on and horrible choices he makes