Monday, June 30, 2014

My walk with God--and my shortcomings that God is NOT happy with

i've never considered myself to be a "good Christian" im a horrible sinner (but the difference is i'm one whose been saved by Grace, and not by works. a hypocrit is one who thinks hes a good christian and isnt, so im no hypocrit either.

the Bible says a good Christian is supposed to LOVE HIS ENEMIES, and to "pray for those who despitefully use u, and persecute u". and this is whats too hard for me. im filled with bitterness and resentful of those who dont like me, because my goal is for everyone to be really proud for me and to think of me as someone they are glad to root for the success of, and glad to visit. The Bible says we are to forgive others, or God wont forgive us of our sins. And i find that hard to do because i feel like im not being forgiven of my wrongs by others.

This is why Ray worries so much over my eternal soul, and if i will really go up in the rapture. Thats also what my mother worries about.

so for those of u who really do love animals, why do u then want me to "spend time with my son?" i would think u would want me to shun him over his treatment of animals. it always made me bitter how he was unkind and tormented moms cats and scared them so much they always ran away. mom punished him numerous times for being mean to the cat. which is weird, because he gets along well with people. hes extremely social and im not.

But i do enjoy the company of animals, and thats why i always wished i had one, and enjoyed staying at Vinces so much, with Annes dog and cat around.

I've always considered my character to be far superior to my others, and have considered most of the world to be hypocrites, who consider things from nothing but a financial standpoint. I dont steal, cheat the govt, accept financial aid except in dire emergencies where im a lot more broke than i am now, or scam other people. i dont commit violent acts towards people, dont smoke, dont drink, dont use drugs, or use women for sex that im not in love with and want a relationship with. Thats why i get incensed when someone questions my character, simply cause i have the autism and dont always realize when im the one whose being rude and think its the other guy being rude to me.

u know, such as certain cocktail waitresses and dealers.

for example, not long ago, I was often borrowing a phone charger while playing poker in this one room i played at a bit, and once my phone was done charging, returned it to the basket by the desk. there were about 5 phone chargers in it which had been donated. now all those chargers but one (wrong kind) have been stolen, and the floorman said he wasnt talking to me about it when i bitterly complained that because i didnt steal one and was honest when others werent, that now i cant charge my phone. he suggested i just go buy one but i already have one at home, and it dies often cause im constantly on it. (i dont like to carry that charger around since it came in 2 pieces). i felt i was being punished for being honest and he shouldve been grateful i was enough, and resented that he didnt keep them safely behind the desk where no one could use them.

most rooms in vegas that charge phones do do it behind the desk so the chargers dont get stolen, and some make u leave ur id. a much better system that dont penalize those of us who are honest.

this article here, is an excellent example of how corrupt the culture is today, and how most people act which is horrible, and im so glad im not that way. http://eaglerising.com/7053/woman-savagely-beaten-muslim-bystanders-nothing/ be aware this happened outside a Mcdonalds in the USA.

not one person came to her defense or called the police, they laughed and recorded the attack on their cell phones. its so easy for me to picture the people who dont like me on RTP behaving like this, and disliking me solely because i do NOT behave like this.

i feel that except for those like me (and also people like lightning and PPP) theres no compassion left in this world. No one cares if a guy is having a hard go of it in life--they just want to fix it so he has even less money than he already has. No one cares if hes trying to struggle daily to do the right thing, and keeps failing.

my main goal in life to work on is to treat others the way God expects me to treat them--which i keep failing at. this is whats hard for me. I've tried so hard with Josie, Benny, Claudia, PPP, lightning, etc and still not sure what all ive done wrong. i've made no effort at all with the trolls, and the public at large, but i need no work on this. I just keep feeling like someone is being unkind to me and doing me wrong--and then all i can think of doing is to get back at them-and the people they are close to. i resent the people who love them for their wrongdoings (their  white wives and kids) as much as i do them, because i feel like the only reason those people love them over loving ME is because they committed a serious crime and hurt someone really bad, and id never do that, so in the minds of their white wives and kids, im not worthy of being loved, but they are.

yeah i feel so much bitterness in my life for how everyone treats me due to my aspergers--i really wish at least one rich friend would spend big money for me to be evaluated by a psychologist. maybe id learn something about myself--for i cant bring myself to do it on my own-nor do i have the money for the best drs. the free ones are no good. maybe it would even help get me to stop playing machines or other things where i dont have the huge $26 hr long term edge that i have in the live $1-2 games. up to 69 whole hours logged, and still at $26 an hour. ill be real proud if it remains over $15 by the time it reaches 200 hours. for $15 an hour is a ton of money to live off in reno single with no family.

that being said, both Chap and madlib still think im better off flat betting 3 hands of $12, for what they say will make me $36 an hour 6 hours a day mon-thurs out in sparks. im scared of losing though. im less scared of losing when i play NL. (mainly due to the low minimum buyins in reno). if i was in vegas, where most places make u buyin $100--i might be more worried of going broke at poker.

ive done a lot of things wrong in casinos in my life, and also been falsely accused and lied about what i did wrong in many of those casinos years back when i was younger, that have embittered me and influence negatively how i act to this day. God is really going to have to do a real work in my heart--maybe i should go live near Ray. Lightning thinks this would be very good for my spiritual and emotional health.

most of those wrong things ive done started out due to me feeling like i was being horribly mistreated. (the harrahs joliet incident, the Binions incident, the LVH incident, the eldorado incident, etc) but if i wasnt being mistreated, im remorseful and unsure what to do about it now.

and im tired of typing. i need to leave, buy a table knife, glasses, bowls, plates, food, and figure out what to do as far as Bovada money, and an air conditioner.

why didnt anyone comment on how good it was for me to have time off from gambling and be walking around the tourist town of Virginia city, going thru shops like a tourist, paying to have my picture taken for tips etc?

ive also found a much better place to live for about $350 more a month, but it would be so much harder to qualify to live there without a ton upfront, ill have to let that go for about 6 months. am hoping that everything i buy online, can be resold. air conditioners, comics etc. But the other place is further away, still on the same bus, and much nicer and larger. That wasnt found thru craigslist, its a regular apt complex.

also its wrong all the double standards there are in this world. if a woman kills her child, shes applauded for it by feminists. if she gives it up for adoption, that also gives her no ill feelings by others. but if a man gives up his child for someone else to adopt and raise, he's treated as a pariah by society, and even if its a man unable to emotionally handle raising a child and would probably make the child worse off emotionally instead of better by being around.

so many people think actions are wrong, not based on the action, but by whether u are male or female, white or black, rich or poor, and thats not what God thinks.

and many poor are throwing their money away in casinos and bragging about it, same with beer, drugs, and cigarettes. not sure why she would say that either, if she wasnt a troll. (alysias comment on RTP).










43 comments:

  1. This last weekend I went to Reno with my girl, before leaving I texted Tony to let him know I would be in town and to make plans. Saturday when I heard from him I was already drinking and didn't want to drive. Sunday I called Tony around ten and told him we would check out Atlantis, since he wanted to go to a buffet. We had Sunday brunch which was great, prime rib and snow crab are my favorite. Tony ate a bunch but not sure exactly what he got. I tried to get him to eat some crab but he didn't want any.
    My girl and I had planned on going to Virgina city for the afternoon so we invited Tony. The drive to virginia city is a fun one. You go up a mountain on the side of a cliff the summit is around 6,000 feet. After 30 minutes Tony asked me if I had passed it and I was like you will know when you see it.
    We reached virginia city and found a decent place to park. The town was busy, lots of bikes and local people dressed in old prospector style clothes. We wondered through a bunch of old antique stores. I noticed a lot of old casino logo glass ash trays selling for $20 to $30, could have made a fortune collecting these things.
    It was fun doing something outside of the casinos. Tony seemed excited to explore a new place and made me and my girl laugh a lot at some of the stuff he says.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Tony:

    How do you reconcile your time with prostitutes, and the following statement:

    "... i dont commit violent acts towards people, dont smoke, dont drink, dont use drugs, or use women for sex that im not in love with and want a relationship with."

    s.i.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. only gave money to a hooker twice in the last 5 months, and both times of course it was someone i wouldve wanted a relationship with and been in love with. its only WOMEN who wont tell u theyre in love with u til they get to know u, men arent like this.

      Delete
    2. No matter whose Bible you look at, I do not believe you'll find Jesus giving the okay for sex with prostitutes. Am I mistaken?

      "Blessed are the women of ill repute, for they shall service the lowly poker grinders and VBJ addicts."
      TBC 4:69

      Delete
    3. This may be the most bizarre and self-delusional thing I have ever read.

      Delete
    4. meant to type twice in the last five years, never did say that Jesus approved, although he did tell the prophet Hosea to marry a prostitute

      Delete
  3. God does not want a faith that is empty and hypocritical. James 2 is talking about those who "say" that they have faith but have no works. Therefore, people cannot tell if they are true believers or not because there is no fruit. That kind of a faith is useless and is not a saving faith. True faith results in true works.

    "You see that a man is justified by works, and not by faith alone." James 2:24

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. So, like, what are you trying to say? You took step one and quoted scripture (I assume). Now take the next step and apply it to Tony. What is your point?

      Delete
    2. Exactly, Tony can apply his faith to works. This will lead to better paths for him in life.

      Delete
  4. Tony, You MUST get back to Vegas by next weekend - July 11! You absolutely MUST! God would want you to go back!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. i cannot think of any reason why u guys can visit vegas, but not reno. Same goes for all the other readers.

      Delete
    2. hahah who would want to go to reno

      Delete
    3. pokerdogg would u consider seeking out Vincent Harte the dealer at the WSOP (big fat guy) he would love to meet u, and that way at least one friend can talk to u about me, it makes u seem more real if u hang out with people i know in person. maybe someone else i know in vegas would also be willing to hang out there.

      Delete
    4. I am playing at the Rio poker room 2/5 game. If Vincent is around, sure I would like to say hello.

      Delete
    5. well i dont know how to get him in contact with u, give me ur table number and seat number, dont leave, and ill send him a text.

      Delete
    6. Table 4, seat 3. I will be here for at least few more hours.

      Delete
    7. Tony, did u get the table info I posted? Is Vince able to drop by tonight?

      Delete
    8. Vince isnt responding to my text

      Delete
  5. i just paid my monthly phone bill, AND my monthly internet bill ($75 total for both combined--alot better than the $180 total for both combined i used to dread each month) but i need to start paying more for better internet so i can watch videos and play candy crush again. this leaves me with $3346, and thats where todays $158 win at $1-2 nl got spent.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Tony, I gave you my location info so that Vince can find me, not for you to broadcast it on twitter and call for anyone in tje vicinity to come and find me. What the heck were you thinking?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. well since i couldnt reach vince, i thought maybe some of my other readers or wsop dealers i know might stop in and say hi in his place, and introduce themselves. id gave u vinces number (its ok with him) had i had a way to send it to u privately instead of on here. who went up to u and mentioned i posted it on twitter? who did u get to meet?

      anyway, the easiest way to find Vince is simply to ask the supervisor there at the WSOP that u are looking for Vincent Harte and they can look up which table hes dealing at.

      Delete
    2. Tony, I had no interest in meeting any random people that read your twitter. I am sure Vince is busy working, I don't really want to interupt him at work. I am at the Rio pokerrom again, table 7 seat 3, for a few hours. Please pass that onto Vince, and if he has a scheduled break time, let me know when and where I can find him. cheers

      Delete
    3. No one showed up, I left shortly after 10, had a terrible session, got one and three outed in several big pots. And then I tilted off the last few hundreds in the final hour. I saw your twitter this morning. Anyways, today is another new start.

      Pretty tough 2/5 table today though, I am going to give it a couple of hours and see. May go to the strip latter in the evening and try other rooms.

      Delete
    4. I see. You wanted one of us to be a sort of Vince surrogate. Interesting concept.

      Delete
    5. No reply im pretty sure vince keeps his cell in his locker when working

      Delete
  7. am happy to report i now have AC, (it works great) but no microwave. Same landlord, but im paying $100 more a month in rent now.

    am really glad im still maintaining $20+ per hour as i get closer to 100 logged hours. But i think im lazier than i realized i thought i got in a lot more hours a month of poker than i really do. i only got in 99 hours for the July 12 freeroll. of course, i also got in some hours at OTHER poker rooms.

    so now i must go buy a microwave, vince cant really send me mine, he wouldnt want to do it, and it would cost way too much. wish someone i knew was driving vegas to reno who could deliver it.

    ReplyDelete
  8. am now happy to report i just received my package from Bovada for $350.69 ill have to take it to a bank to deposit in person tomorrow

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. 4th of july?????? OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOPS

      Delete
  9. also need more blankets, pillows, and glasses, bowls, dishes, microwave containers, (not just microwave itself) etc. some of this might be available at a thrift store. odd my bovada check arrived before my comic books.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. your comic books were probably sent media mail and bovada checks come fed ex

      Delete
    2. They are sent media mail which is the cheapest and usually takes up to a week longer than 1st class postage

      Delete
  10. On a more serious note, does anyone know what's happened to Carmen's blog. It seems to have disappeared off the face of the earth. Bearing in mind I have never met her, never commented on her site, and live several thousand miles away, reading her journey has made me root for her to get everything sorted, and now the site has just gone. Hopefully she's ok and this is just part of the rebuild !

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. i didnt notice it missing will go look

      Delete
    2. yep that blogs gone all right, why not go look at her facebook page? i just did and it seems to be up and running just fine.

      Delete
    3. She mentioned a few weeks about taking it down due to work reasons, getting a fresh start and all. I am happy for her, she seems to have turned her life around.

      Delete
    4. eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek. no more pics of Nina. such mixed emotions. happy that we arent under british rule BUT sad no more Nina.

      Delete
  11. i eventually left the poker room today cashing out $229, and was in for $40 plus $41, then plus $100 in buyins. i'd like to discuss a certain hand i lost with, and im not sure if the loss couldve been avoided.

    on the button, i limped with JT offsuit, as did multiple others. flop comes up 9TJ with 2 parts of a flush out there, and the guy in the blinds bets $15 or $20. i mightve been the only caller, or there mightve been one more. i had about $80-100 on me at the start of the hand, would u shove here? i wanted to wait for a blank on the turn, and to shove if he checks, and fold if the wrong card came.

    so on the turn a complete blank comes, an offsuit 6. and he bets $25, i call. no one else calls. river another blank, offsuit 3, he puts me allin for what little i have left and he flopped the straight.

    at what point should i fold the JT, if any?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You only had $80 to $100 left when the guy raised $25 on the flop and you have top two pair. I would go all in at that point because I am short stacked and likely have the best hand and I do not want him to draw out on me for cheap.

      It sucks he flopped the straight though but it happens.

      But it also depends on who I am up against. If I know this is the kind of person who only raises with the nuts or near nuts then I would lay it down.

      Delete
  12. it's totally player dependent
    the fact you don't know this after 20 years of playing poker with a 50 blind stack is mind boggling

    ReplyDelete