I must first apologize in advance, for this will be my longest blog post ever. in fact, its going to be more like a book than a blog post.
To begin with, i moved out of my apartment today. (dec 9th). the place i was living at, that i never wanted anyone to know the entire time i was living in it for my personal safety, (only Vince, lightning, cooldave and koala knew--and that was due to picking me up in person or driving me home). the place id talked about having a 3 month lease (when in really it was a 60 day commitment thru their extended stay program) because real apartments dont offer 2 month leases and i didnt want anyone finding out where it was--and that it wasnt a regular apt, but a hotel type setup. But i didnt completely lie, u see my debit card was charged to renew each time the rent came due. (when i first took it, and then again on Nov 10th). and u cannot just stay a month either, without paying a lot more. but i was afraid people would search craigslist, and figure out which place it was if i said 60 days. that was just way too easy to discover by googling craigslist.
they offer this type of setup thru their extended stay program in many other cities too, tucson being one of the cheapest, even less than vegas by a few hundred.
However, id grown tired of vegas, and tomorrow id either had to call their reservations dept and renewed for another month (no weeks) or move out. i didnt want to commit to paying here (and maybe flying elsewhere like to reno or toledo or baltimore or biloxi--or the tour bus back into LA--and continue to pay for nothing) so i moved out and into vinces house. Lucky for me vince was nearby and able to help me move out so i wouldnt have to deal with it in the morning.
Losing the Venetian as one of the best options vegas offers for poker play (due to the much wider range of games offered there, such as Big 0 at times) is a large effect on me thinking maybe vegas isnt such a good idea. at least other casinos in other places wont have a reason to think ill get into trouble, seeing i'll have no previous bad history in most places, many of which ive never been yet.
And then also (in preparation for leaving vegas) i closed out my newly opened box at the wynn tonight, so i wouldnt have them still holding my $100 deposit for an empty box if it turns out i find long term housing in a place i like better and make new friends and decide i want to stay there and play without moving back to vegas. The day before, i gathered up whatever free play i could at most places (not much to speak of) so pretty much everything is done that would need done before i could leave town.
After all the trouble lightning, Rob, AC and cokeboy went to move the location the previous day to the V (a bit too late since i was already at wynn after leaving the security office) i really wanted to go to the AC meetup because i felt like i owed it to AC to go, but couldnt decide for sure if she really wanted me to and she never really said when i private messaged a lot of people asking. But i was still under the impression lightning wasnt going (because he told me the first day he was here and i saw him that it didnt seem like the type of thing he was interested in--and that he didnt think hed attend). i at the time said he probably should--but only to meet Alysia Chang.
got to sleep so late the next morning (not til about 11am) a bit later than usual--that i didnt wake up until after 6pm again a little later than usual. I immediately texted lightning to arrange to meet him and talk to tell him about the Palazzo, and to help talk over what to do about moving out or staying. Also id still wanted to take him to eat somewhere nice at the Wynn, for free in exchange for doing little for him in the past. (the original idea was to get him into a free room at circus for fri and sat to save him a lot of money)--and i felt irritated he didnt trust me to actually follow thru and it didnt ever come to pass. But id have had to be there with him at checkin since id had to have done it in my name not his so they would think im the one staying there. so i mightve not been awake at the right time and remember my phone "wont ring". i keep forgetting each night to have cooldave look at the phone and try to see if he knows how to solve that issue.
however when i texted him, he was already AT the meetup (it was about 6.20 pm) and alysia held that WAY WAY too early for normal people to attend. vince was still working too. so i never was able to make it, had no ride like everyone else, and any other type of transit wouldve took way too long and this is why theres such a need for Uber in vegas. because as we all know if vegas had Uber, id have called and had a ride within 5 minutes at a cheap price, so id have came.
so i kind of blamed myself for not letting lightning know ahead of time. for i felt if he knew i was wanting to come with him, he wouldve made sure i arrived. and then after the meetup, i was quite pissed he'd asked me once if id be playing at the wynn later (and suggested him and i would meet up). i told him id took the bus to the nugget instead, and later he asked me via text how the games were at the nugget. now of course u get a text like that, u are going to think he must be thinking of coming.
so i mentioned 8 games were going (4 of them $1-2 NL) and i mentioned all the great changes the nugget new manager had made in improving the poker room, such as installing phone chargers, changing the rake to no flop no drop, getting rid of the halves, etc. i thought that might also encourage Rob to come too and check it out.
again lightning never showed, and i eventually found out he was at the MGM with people from the meetup. whose idea that was i didnt know, but i was pissed theyd encouraged lightning to NOT show up.
so then, kind of worried thinking id not get a chance to see him and talk again before he left town, and not knowing the exact time of his flight and what airline he was leaving on wed, i made sure today to be texting him as soon as i woke up. in fact lightnings text even said to text him when i woke up. (so i assumed thats when he would be ready to talk on the phone or hang out).
also i had some really big decisions to make about staying or leaving, and i thought i might possibly leave town long before he did, so i really wanted to make plans as soon as possible. yes PPP normally i dont make plans, but for something as important as this, uve got to make an exception. Planning here was ESSENTIAL.
Now tonight, after reading tons of the following texts between me and lightning after things went bad, cooldave said i shouldve just asked him direct early into the conversation (he thinks me calling lightning and PPP hypocrites is what offended him--according to cooldave hypocrit is a very strong word) "is there any way ill be able to meet u later today?" now im not sure if lightning wouldve replied had i said that, and now ill never know.
so when lightning said he was "at mandalay bay with Nick" and had a very nonchalant attitude about whether he would be available anytime at all the entire day to talk to, i got a bit panicked, and thought he had no intention of seeing me at all, and cooldave said i probably pissed him off the same way a woman would be uncomfortable if a guy kept insisting on doing something.
I explained to cooldave how i had no intention of being anything but wanting to be there for him as a friend and to share his company, and didnt know how to communicate that to lightning. Also explained to cooldave how God forgives us, and wants us to do the same. Thats what is so wonderful about the love and the mercy of God, and how he doesnt judge the sinners until AFTER they are dead if they still havent repented. People talk so much of the judgement of God--and worry about it--when really God does everything he can to show us how much he loves us--and wants us to love others the same way. man how i fail at this--i need to not go to a new casino locale, but to either the church in baton rouge swaggart has or the times square church in NYC by the late david wilkerson. I need to ask for prayer--for God to control my bitterness and anger when i feel ive been done unjustly. for it would help me not get banned.
i explained to cooldave how everything i said to lightning was unintentional as far as offending him, and how hurt i was seeing that lightning did know his comments were offending me. cooldave just said i shouldve let it go and just waited til the next day to talk to him.
I know that lightning gets offended quite easily (but not so much as i do) and im surprised seeing he works as a counselor and should know others emotionally as messed up as me and be quite tolerant of peoples faults by now. I remember how he lost interest in being a friend to Josie, and got out of her life, and never got over the bitter feelings. And how he blamed Josie for it, when truthfully i think Lightning owed her an apology. I think sometimes lightning can appear to be quite insensitive to the feelings of others who are upset.
but then again, im 100x worse than this. but what makes me "not a bad guy" is the fact im not doing it intentionally to be mean--as is often the case when others are doing it to me--at least i assume thats always the case when i hear a critical comment. especially from those ive trusted like PPP and lightning.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------enclosed is just a very small portion of the numerous texts back and forth from lightning to me or me to lightning. this is the very tail end of the texts and it was very difficult time consuming and hard work to move to the laptop from the Iphone. the main reason i am posting so little when id prefer to show it ALL.
read them in the opposite order, and remember this was the END of the convo, not the beginning. hopefully its clear which texts are mine, and which are his.
remember all of this is to be read in the opposite order as its typed on here-and remember its the tail end of the convo. this took about 45 minutes work--any more work and its like 2-3 hours.