I know what the right thing is to do now, because of following the advice of PPP and Pokerdogg in tracking my hourly rate on my cell phone, i know which games i should be playing (and just as importantly--which games are a waste of time. But that didnt keep me from doing what i knew i shouldnt be doing. And im talking about poker. i didnt play any machines and hardly have touched the VBJ machine since coming to FL. u see, i play til im so tired when i quit all i want to do is get on the first bus heading home--play so much longer than i should--i dont feel like playing anything else.
So here i am, dead tired, coming home about 3-4 hours later than i should and its about 2pm in the afternoon. and im stuck $63 for the night, and at one point was $75 ahead. I cant play my best when im tired, or when im in games too small for me. This is why i should never play a stud game, a limit game, or any form of omaha that isnt PLO or PLO8. But those werent the game i was playing that i shouldnt have. It was $1-1 NL instead of $1-2 NL. and i got too bored with the slow pace. made a bad bluff attempt against a guy that had folded every time before who was raising too much. (first mistake id made 3 reraises earlier --(an hour or so) was showing a bluff with 24 offsuit. it worked fine, but the mistake was in showing it only since i planned to make the same move multiple more times. so i made a poor shove with A4 hearts and he called me with KK and i lost just over $125. that hand i never showed, i just claimed i had queens. (opinions on me NOT showing that one?)
and then again i wasted $18 for an Uber to the casino, because i didnt want to be standing around waiting for a bus in the rain close to midnite and then walking a mile about midnite either.
i guess the one piece of good news i have is ive earned my 3rd gas card now. still unsold as of yet. and though i never redeposited on Bovada when i got down to $0, im now back to $12 on there. just been playing no higher than 2c5cent after the $9 tourny win off my points.
so tonight, when i wake up and go to the casino--, i wonder if i will find in myself the willpower to not be afraid of multiple big losses wiping out WEEKS of progress. u see, since leaving Ballys AC, ive got back about $1000. since im sitting on $12,300+ thats 41 buyins of $300 max in the $1-2 NL game, which im still clearing $30 an hour in for 85 hours play considering i logged 0 sessions last night (since i dont log $1-1).
why do i not log those games? many reasons, but one of them which ive never talked about, is i want to try and refrain from PLAYING those games. and if only $1-2 NL "counts" it should be all i play, so i can get as many logged hours in as possible. wouldnt it be nice (albeit practically impossible) if i could still be over $25 per hour once id reach 1000 logged hours at this particular cardroom? ive got close to 1500 logged hours in total for $1-2 NL, but certainly not at this cardroom.
so if i went and played $1-2 NL, and bought in $300 (like i should and probably could with my bankroll now being over 40 buyins). i fear dropping 3 buyins in a row, and that would destroy all the progress. psychologically, it makes me feel like ive got 3 buyins instead of 41, and i guess that mentally destroys me from making the right decisions. and this could be why i cant stand any loss. Playing smaller than i should lets me feel like if i start losing, i can always play higher to get it back. i cannot do that if i start off losing $300 right off u see. Pokerdogg? Vook? WEC?
if i had the guts to try it-- i wonder how many buyins id actually lose due to bad luck? or maybe id start off winning $300 right off and doubling up? if i had the guts to play without fear--i could even have 60 buyins of $200 min buys in $2-5 NL or $5-5 PLO (yes the min buy here is only $200 in the PLO, not $500 as i thought.)
also on the way home i passed a place renting mobile homes for $125-150 a week, every other bill included. sure would be a lot cheaper but i have no idea how safe id be at night or who my neighbors would be or how difficult it would be to be accepted as a tenant. im wasting way too much on rent and my times about up but i hesitate to put myself in danger.
the only smart decision was to lock up the $1400 in the atm the day before after the one good win of $863 in the $1-2 NL.
And after getting this typed--now im way too sleepy to answer munk. (this is why i need an ipod at the tables like a lot of players have). All the pros and good players spend all their time watching TV on an ipod at the table, i see it all the time. But i cant afford one. and when i wake up i will want to get to the casino before the last bus quits so i wont be able to then either. never enough time to do the important things like writing him and seeing drs and dentists--which is why i shouldnt waste time in shitty games of $1-1, etc