Monday, October 26, 2015

Sinking like a balloon

$18,778 left out of $29,263 2 weeks ago. without any medical problems seen or fixed. i dont think it will drop too much lower however, unless its for a good cause like housing or doctoring. or if i need to relocate soon. Pretty much cut off all the expenses or prepaid them up. i did lose a few hundred at live table BJ today. broke close to even on VBJ. had a small win in poker, but the action here is limited as far as availability. No point in doing any traveling for awhile theres is a way to see a doctor here in an emergency.

And flush draw is talking about women on twitter. Then he says i should go to Vegas. i know he thinks if he had my bankroll he would win off it and never go broke, but i highly doubt it. most play way too high, and theyd still be in $2-5. i need to be where $1-2 (or its equivalent in spread limit) is available every day, but no $2-5.

he, and most of twitter misunderstand me. he says what women want is emotional. well thats not true, because thats the one and about the ONLY thing i can do for a woman. is give her my love and faithfulness. i sure cant fix her car or paint her house. i cant buy her nice things or pay for fancy meals. nor can i physically assualt other guys for her. i cant go out and drink with her. but being there for her emotionally, to let her tell me her problems and try to listen and understand, and knowing im always there to talk--thats one thing i could do. and unlike most guys, id not mind holding her hand while doing so.

but he is so completely wrong. that 100% is NOT what women want. what they want is a guy they can go out in public, drink, and party with, in a social setting with others--who is NOT socially inept. who can drive them in their car. who has a big black cock and knows how to use it. instead of just wanting a guy to be there for them, love and accept them as they are--they want all the things a person with aspergers just cannot do. i get along much better 1 on 1--and enjoyed going to a movie or eating with claudia--but cannot tolerate any type of group social gathering. i guess thats why i dont go to church. i dont know how to date--i just want someone to hug me kiss me and hold me close while i go to sleep without needing to have sex. what woman would want that?

will try and take a few photos that dont reveal any casino names and some hands when warrented. much shorter blogs due to much longer length of time to type using online keyboard so i can type the letter a. i dont know how to put a second keyboard next to this other keyboard. nor order online.

i removed the previous blog, embarrassed by the post, and how unprofessional i was. im supposed to be a better person and above the actions and policies of those who piss me off. it wasnt Josie or lightning who removed it but me.


31 comments:

  1. I'm happy to see you removed the other post. I'm sorry you're lonely but your assumptions about women are wrong. You should spend some time outside of a casino some time. Go to church, volunteer somewhere, join a hiking group, something to see and meet real people outside of the gambling world doing something you might enjoy. I think it would make you a happier, better person and may even improve your results.

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  2. Unfortunately, Tony, you have it all wrong. Some young girls might be more interested in some of the things you mention, but WOMEN want something completely different in a man. However, you never seem to realistically face the big question: What do you have to offer? You gamble all day, don't have a permanent home and seem to have little interests outside of playing poker, vbj and video poker all day every day. What kind of life would that be for any women?

    Perhaps your best bet, as WEC and many others have suggested before, is to look for women as dating sites designed for people with Asperger's -- so that maybe some of those women might be more understanding and accepting of some of your challenges. Instead, unfortunately, you seem to troll for prostitutes and tweakers. Do you realy think any of them would be the answer you are looking for?

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    1. its well known asperger date sites, unlike normal sites are 99% men, and use old ads not up to date. why do u say thats a worse life for women than for men, and if i had a women i could live with, no more need for travel or motels. theres women who share interest in the poker life just like men, only their numbers are too low.

      Delete
    2. There are many opportunities via Asperger dating sites, both on the web and quite a few on facebook. The truth is, Tony has never put an ad on any Asperger site, yet puts a million on others where he has never had luck. There is also a well known site for people with mental disorders (with a checkbox for aspergers/autism) called "No Longer Lonely"

      Try flooding the aspergers sites with ads like you did on the other sites. Of course, maybe you are not looking for relationship since you seem to like to travel the sex sites, sex ads, whore ads more than the normal person.

      Maybe if you hang out as wingman with Benny Profane or FlushDraw you can figure out how to hook-up with a non-$10 toothless!!!

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    3. yes--mostly full of nothing but men--and ads way out of date. believe me i know, who do u think it was who published a 12 page newspaper filled with personal ads title of which was Lovelines back in the late 1980s? lots of us kept old ads around because we didnt want to be seen not having enough women listed. i knew the publisher in phoenix, the one in Cleveland Joyce Kroft i stayed in her house once, the one in FL, the one in MN, Co, akron, etc.there were like 30 of us who were members of the singles press association. not sure if the law would today charge me with discrimination, but i refused gay ads (like most) and ads from xrated companies. thats how i met women when i was 18-23 except for Sue, and at that age i found them much more easily, especially ones older. Sue was 13 yrs older. i never ever had a normal relationship someone my own age but i did meet 5-6. including sex who werent working girls. they would ditch me. first time i ever had sex was in the van of a guy and his wife, in TX when 16 yrs old. id ran off from home. it was in the back with her while he drove the van. first BJ i got from a woman that is, was a 36 yr old black woman in a laundrymat id just met while doing clothes. i was 17. it didnt seem to be an issue til i got to be over 35, and wasted so many earlier yrs without success financially. then i was no longer appealing because when a guy isnt a young kid, women expect things much different from older guys.

      i stick to sites with a huge traffic base that way women actually see it. but truth is ive lost interest if it involves me putting forth the effort instead of the woman putting forth the effort or contacting me out of the blue--like claudia did. too much work without results. if i put forth effort maybe i could do better.

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  3. "i dont think it will drop too much lower however"

    and

    "i did lose a few hundred at live table BJ today. broke close to even on VBJ"

    are contradictory statements

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  4. Flushddraw is right. Women DO want emotion and caring. They want to feel they are special to you and yes they want someone to listen to them talk and care about their problems. Tony, I know you say that's what you can offer but I really don't think so. When you meet someone you talk nonstop about you and only you. Why you're afraid, your health, your bankroll and your needs. Those are your topics. You never ask how the person you're talking to is doing or feeling, do you?

    Plus, you're always looking for prostitutes or drug addicts that you can "save" which never ever happens or works out. You think you'll look better in their eyes because of how bad off they are. Because they are so badly off all they see are $$ because of the unfortunate situation they're in.

    BIG BLACK COCK? You're so wrong and racist. Women care much more about health/hygiene. Your scalp issue would keep women away, but not what's in your pants.

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    Replies
    1. Josie never reads craigslist sex ads. all the legit ads of women wanting to meet for fun without charge want BBC, if u dont believe me, look for yourself. all the other ads not wanting this, are hookers that charge or fake ads for spammers. go look see for yourself. if u think an ad is legit it isnt, write with a made up email to test it out yourself i guarantee u get flooded with spam.

      this is why i need to marry alysia chang i think she would find me a doctor and care about fixing health.

      i talked with women in the past nonstop about their day and problems, even rode the city bus to visit Sue every day for 2 hours during visiting hours each night. problem is, the women (think Britni and Lorna) would always turn it into financial problems im expected to fix. other than that (being expected to fix the problems) i dont mind listening. but not for a woman thats not my girlfriend, but for a girlfriend of course id listen, 100%

      dont expect me to bring the questions up, because i feel asking how someones days going is quite rude. im only asked and repeatedly to rehash how horrible my days going by every casino employee when losing heavily. but if u wish to volunteer how things are in your life, without me needing to ask, feel free. i dont operate the way others do or think.

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    2. Tony, you have to look at Alysia Chang's twitter account, she looks very happy with her x (genghis khan). As a matter of fact, they BOTH look happy in her twitter picture so you should pray for her to eventually get back with him. These are the ways that steer your life toward God!

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    3. Tony, you're right. I never read Craig's List sex ads. I do believe you when you say women posting on Craig's list sex ads are looking for big black cock. However! (and this is a big however) Craig's list SEX ads are not where you are going to find a long term relationship. The women that post there are the minority, not the majority.

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    4. for some reason im not getting emails when u post. id never knew u posted had i not been browsing the blog. this is like the 3rd one this week

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    5. If she is still set as an admin i don't think they send the notice... Also, judging all women based on the one's you find on Craigslist is about as reasonable as judging all men based on who you'd meet at a swinger's club... you have a severely limited sample. Your problem is, you never do anything other than sit at a poker table (or BJ table or VBJ machine, etc) Unless you find love with a casino employee or one of the Dealer's Angel girls, you have no where else to look. You can't just expect to fall ass backward into a relationship... you have to proactively do something to meet the type of women you want,

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    6. Tony is the proverbial frog at the bottom of the well, thinking the entire sky is that little circle he sees from where he lived his entire life.

      Apologies to those unfamiliar with the Chinese fable. You can google it, it is a very short read.

      Delete
  5. my subconscious mind knows that asian men are no more to be trusted than any other race of man

    so last night, (while asleep and before i just now woke up) i'm about to get in a car and go for a ride to some city i need to be quite a ways out that i couldnt otherwise get to. this guy is a poker player i met in a casino. and he's asain. so im riding in his car (which like every other friend of mine parks as far in the back corner of the lot as possible driving me nuts--think Vince) and we are driving thru a busy highway, and he lets some older white disabled guy into his car, also a poker player. we get to his house, which is an isolated place supposedly way outside town and very fancy. i go inside, with them, and am supposedly to be out shortly and on the rest of my way. i dream im like sitting in an old mans type of scooter chair, and while in the house im slowly looking around, and getting quietly worried for my safety. im not sure where the door is, i just see other rooms of the house, and the asain guys playing with his daughter. then i see a door the older disabled guy walks in and i KNOW he reads my blog.

    then the asain guy gets in some conference with 2 guys, and isnt paying as much attention to me, but i fear ill die soon without ever leaving their house. i see a door to the outside finally but i fear theres dogs outside the door i cant see. and it looks like id still be way out in the country. then i see a piece of mail on the counter (im looking for the address to memorize it) so i grab the envelope. its from an attorney, and its addressed DEAR MR BIGCHARLES??? wtf???

    glance at the letter and it seems the guys been pretending to be me. now im sure i am in terrible danger, so i get out of the chair/scooter and run out the door, as im seeing a guy in the house walk into the room. thankfully no dogs, and im jumping over a very low gate, and running down a gravel path. i see a few people out walking their dogs, with their kids, and im screaming for help to call the police, that ive been kidnapped and forced to that house im pointing at.

    suddenly i group of 3 cops up the street looking at me and they keep saying that i need an ambulance and no im not crazy, i just need to be believed.

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    Replies
    1. Wow... if I had nightmares like that I might not ever go to sleep again! There has to be a pill to take to fix that though Tony. Not sure what it is, but I am sure it is prolly available as a perscription drug.

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    2. Tony:

      I got your text asking me to analyize your dream (I had shared with Tony that I had a class on this in grad school (MS Counseling) and Tony has asked me to interpret his dreams on occasion in the past).

      The basic themes in your dream, Tony, are being trapped and being chased. It is interesting that these are almost always themes in your dreams. Every dream I remember you asking me to interpret has you being lead into a house/car and being trapped inside; you sense some sort of threat and try to flee, being chased until you awake.

      The trap theme is pretty obvious - you feel stuck in a set of believes/habits/relationships out of which you feel you can not get (hard not to end that one w/ a preposition!).

      http://psychiclibrary.com/beyondBooks/trapped-dreams/

      The chase theme has multiple meanings but generally signals avoidance - the thought is that your subconsious is telling you that you're tryign to avoid some action that you should confront/act upon.

      http://dreamstop.com/chase-dreams/

      The whole area of dream analysis stems (in current counseling) from Freud and has a lot of criticism. There is not a lot of hard science (i.e., replicable studies with confirmable results), although the very throught of trying to design a replicable study based on dreams is a methodological nightmare (see what I did there? ;-)).

      Here's a good article on why people should be skeptical regarding dream analysis:

      https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/dream-catcher/201307/the-folly-dream-interpretation

      Best of luck, Tony. I know you're scared about your roll dropping. And 11k in a very short time should be alarming. However, you still have a roll of about $18,000.00, which is more than you've had for most of the years (what's it been? 6? 8?) I've known you. You certainly have enough to grind 1/2 or 1/3. The problem, which stems from your addiction to gambling, is that you don't want to/can't stick to poker. Your addiction leads you to martingale other games and hitting the machines. That underlying struggle with addiction is the monkey you seem not to want to shake.

      s.i.

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    3. At lest he isn't dreaming about threesomes in a Mexican prison again.

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    4. I'm not sure, John - after reading Tony's spontaneous sharing of his sexual experiences (above), it does seem that threesomes may be right up his alley, so to speak:

      " first time i ever had sex was in the van of a guy and his wife, in TX when 16 yrs old. id ran off from home. it was in the back with her while he drove the van."

      I mean, that's one of the more unique "the way I lost my virginity" stories I've ever heard. I'm assuming the husband, who was driving the van, knew that his wife was deflowering Tony (?). I assume he gets off on the whole "cuckold" thing. Or, maybe he didn't know and the wife was cheating on him.

      So many unanswered questions...

      s.i.

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  6. Tony, if you buy better quality helium, your balloon won't sink.

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    Replies
    1. You can say sinking like a rock. Or you can say going down like a lead balloon? Sounds like Tony put the two together -- maybe that's a mixed metaphor?

      See here.

      Delete
  7. Tony, if you do not change the bait you will continue to attract the same fish, or no fish. You do not have to spend every walking moment in a casino environment. If you must, limit play to 8-10 hours a day, then fill the void with other activities that interest you. Believe me, you participating in these activities with other folks will enable you to meet other people. Lean into a new environment, don't rush in. Take a first step and things you are looking for will happen when you least expect it

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  8. Tony, I think you should start being a man and assaulting people for women. It's your only hope imho.

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  9. Go see your son. I know this goes against everything in your fibers. Trust me, he will APPRECIATE it. Father's love (acceptance) is SO important in a kid's life. Let him know you love him and are there for him.

    Or, just blow your BR and blame him. EZ choice in a Christian's book.
    Thanks for your time.
    K

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    Replies
    1. why such hostility towards religion? i never had a father, died before i was 1. he is 23, not a kid. it would be so much easier if i didnt feel abondened myself by his mother--and every women i loved. hes doing better without me--id have ruined him

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  10. tony has everything a woman could want, he's in the 1% with immediate access to $20-30k, what more does a woman want.

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  11. hopefully, the 2016 graduates from the Harvard Medical School psychiatry program are evaluating this blog.

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  12. Observer here, someone else with Asperger's who has been your internal predicament with women many times over in his adolescent years. I tried so hard to find a companion to make an emotional connection with, but I am also socially awkward with nerdy mannerisms and an obsessive personality. I am a rare breed of individual, but to most women who I cannot call "Mom", I am someone who is seen as weird and distant.

    And this is OK. You seem to be searching for someone who validates your self worth, just as I was about a decade ago. I found out through life experience that it was because I lacked confidence in myself...

    ...no, don't stop reading. I am not about to pull the "women love confidence so fake it if you must" bullshit on you, I promise.

    When I finally accepted who I was, I realized that people in general stress me out. That I should only pursue a female who I could not only comfort in her darkest hour, but also enjoy on a normal day. Someone who can enjoy my company when I am at my best AND want to help when I am at my worst.

    I realized that I am happier alone than with any single person...and if others think this is weird, it is. But I am OK with it, and you should be OK with it as well, Tony.

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  13. Tony why such secrecy about where you are? It doesn't matter really. Five minutes after you sit down at a table, everyone knows your life story, about your blog and how much you have in your bank roll.

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