Well, its not good. Just about 24 hours ago, i was back to over $21,000, (from arriving in town with over $19,700+) with my rent INSIDE the casino paid up for 3 weeks for $529 total (including free nites) to where i never have to walk outside when its very cold out. Plus i've earned alot of points on my card since ive been here. enough to earn 1 higher level card, (with more levels to go). Earned $100 free play once a week for the month of Nov.
So u see, my free play can cover a lot of my rooms expenses. meaning im living here for next to nothing, (which is why i dont want to deal with any more traveling). i've never really liked traveling anyway and only see it as a means to an end. (getting where i need to go). i dont HAVE to play anything at all to get this offer, ive earned it already. why do i play then? well, i want to get to the level where i can get $200 a week in free play (then all my expense will be covered). and besides this VBJ machine is beatable. its the same kind of VBJ i used to win on most of the time in the Tahoe biltmore, and in laughlin. the kind that shuffles at 4 6ths of a 6 deck shoe. its not the sucker type that shuffle every hand i lost on at cosmo, tropicana atlantic city, and the other poker room a mile up the way. i'd be bored stiff if not doing anything, and i still believe in working, even if its for $1 hourly.
so then if theres not alot of poker going on here except for weekends, then why dont i deposit $500 or so online? well i tend to lose what i deposit online. (lost the entire $43 remaining on Bovada as soon as i got back to the room). plus i dont like to take money off the roll. it is nice however, to not have my roll drop any when i play on bovada since its not counted until its cashed out. to be honest its not nearly as good a site as stars was back in the old days even though the actions looser.
i should be using this money for seeing a dentist, a medical doctor, a dermatologist, and an eye doctor. it will cost about $2000 i fear for everything needing done. plus theres all kind of other things needing done to put me in better shape as far as legally and being able to travel or get credit. but after dropping so far down from $29,000 i keep feeling like ive got absolutely nothing left that can be spent, and it can only be invested to try and make money. i dont feel the same way i felt when i was way over $25,000 (and continually going up).
in a way id rather be living in a place like reno. better poker options, everyday, even if i couldnt play the VBJ machine. but i dont think the constant trips from reno to tahoe were such a good idea.
Started on this blog last night, when i got back to the room a heavy loser but of course i was tired and these always are a lot of work and take many hours to complete--without being paid anything for it. tonight im losing $498 more and now im down to the $18,000s. so whose to blame for me losing this kind of money? i know its not the machine, unless the casino is fucking with the shuffle somehow. i know the VBJ is countable and plus EV. therefore theres only 1 reason im losing so heavily and not making any progress and why the entire $29,000 is disappearing rapidly. ITS GOD HIMSELF.
u see i seen in a recent survey 9% of the people in the USA are now athiest, up from 5% in 2007. i dont really believe that survey, looking at my twitter feed, its well over 30%. but even if those polls arent accurate, i do believe in God, and i know what a horrible God he is, how he exists for the purpose of punishing people--and sending them to hell if they dont obey him 100% at all times. i know the cruel and vengeful streak God has many fake and lukewarm christians deny exists. they like to say he is a God of love and everyone is going to heaven including homosexuals. the Bible talks over and over about Hell, and how God will be sending many more people there than he will to heaven.
how do u suppose it feels, knowing all this, because i was brought up in a fundamentalist Christian home, and taught the scriptures in a small Baptist or assembly of God christian schools as a kid? to know every day of my life i will go to hell if i dont believe 100% of the Bible literally. (and if u do believe it, no one wants to be ur friend because ur value system is so different than them). look at how they gave me shit on twitter for believing in the truth and the miracles that took place in the old testament. (and we all know God wont let anyone go to heaven that doesnt accept the Bible as fact. how can u call God a liar, and still go to heaven?) that wouldnt make sense now would it?
so when did i start losing? it was when i had $29,000 told mom i didnt know when id be there--and probably not before christmas. back when i still had enough to travel there if i wanted to--i dont now. and besides im now sick of traveling. and i figured going wouldnt meet my goal of getting a regular dr anyway and only staying put in 1 place would do that. which is whats really important for long term health. i dont need to go to moms to see a doctor, can do that anywhere. just because that dr would also know Mark, i dont think its all that helpful.
so as u can see--im losing due to God being angry with me--and being VINDICTIVE over it. no other explanation. the same God who is racist, homophobic, sexist, (read Proverbs 31 to see what the type of good wife i want is supposed to be like) (and everyone says proverbs 31 is sexist to want that) and because God is that way--and i will die and spend eternity in hell if im not also like him--no one accepts me, cares about me, or wants to be my friend. people care nothing today about the economy, jobs, the safety and security of the usa and its borders, our military, our freedom etc. all they care about is queers, abortion, smoking weed, muslim immigrants etc, and use much profanity, vitriol, hatred of u all over the internet if u dont toe the PC line, which i refuse to ever do. they will destroy the entire country just to let these new things be sacred cows, and this is why democrats keep getting elected as president. because they will let the whole economy go to hell just to elect a democrat because they trust him more on social issues.
im tired of living out of casino motels and other motels. i want a real home. one with pets, women, a house, not an apartment, and more than 1 floor. but with my money disappearing ill never get it now. i was well on my way when i could pay a year upfront once i found the right landlord i could trust not to do me wrong after getting the money upfront. that too would be quite a difficult task. we all know i wont be capable of taking care of myself when i get about 10-20 yrs older without a woman to assist. the vast majority of women can get along without a man a lot more than a man can get thru life without a good woman.
How do u think it feels to go thru life, not being understood, and not having any friends? (well with the exception of a few good ones met thru the blog). but not ones nearby in real life, except when i lived with Vince. and how do u think it feels to be continually losing heavily on the UTHE machine and the VBJ machine here and everytime i go to the cage (no kiosks here to do it urself) to cash out my vouchers, they are all like congratulations look at u, when im down a lot but have like several hundred left to cash out of a much bigger starting amount.
its very annoying and its next to impossible to not go off on the employees. all i can do is be sullen and silent, and they cant understand because they all seem to think im winning when im not. i did talk to one lady at the cage when i apologized when i went the second time, and she said i hurt her feelings but she now understands because her grandson too has autism. im glad to discover she wasnt mooching for a tip after all. and its also real annoying if they pay me with a 50c piece just to get rid of it instead of 2 quarters. they should know no one wants those things. it happens all the time.
another example--most of the VBJ machines near here wont give any type of points or comps. not even a card reader on it. the casinos claim its owned by a private company instead of them but its no excuse. only the one i live at gives them. and the one that shuffles every hand at one of the other poker rooms. who wants to lose heavily and get nothing for their play? what horrible customer service, and u guys shouldnt be making excuses for the casino, like u did for the manager of foxwoods.
and heres a example--tonight im on the bus to go to either of 2 different poker rooms. while on the bus, i cannot get sound on my phone to call not near enough to hear, and ive had that issue for awhile. so i send Ray a text asking him to call to see where theres a game tonight. he dont see it for a few hours, and eventually i find a way to increase sound ( i learned how to turn on the speakerphone). so then i could hear and i called. one place said they were 3 handed, so i knew it would break. then i called the other place and couldnt get an answer in the poker room. called the operator and she said i think theyre shut down for the night, so instead i just rode the bus in a circle back to my starting stop.
now about 5 hours later ray wakes up, sees my text makes the call and gets told yeah we have a game (much higher stakes than i prefer, but a game nevertheless.) and its full with one on the list. now this was over 4 hours after the operator said the game had probably shut down for the night. i dont want to play near that high and risk losing over $1000, but ill probably lose it anyway and got half a mind to cab it on over.
i still got to stay calm and not run off my mouth, keep it under control. u see, if i do lose much of the money, and run the roll down to $10,000. by then id have played so much thru the machines, id easily be getting $200 a week in free play instead of $100, and be living in the casino for about $160 a week. so id have all expenses covered and a tiny profit without ever needing to play again the rest of my life. were i able to win on Bovada i could just stay in my room unless a low stakes 2-20 or $2-100 game is going in the poker room. or even the 5-100 game