the more fed-up i get with losing in deadwood, (only $13,300+ left) the more i feel trapped here. for one thing, my books i ordered online will arrive dec 8 supposedly. its so hard to walk away from what is essentially a $1400 monthly check. yet i know if i just take the money and dont play, ill get no more. they give u back an extremely low percentage, much less than 1%, of all ur coin-in for the previous month, no matter if u won or lost.
and i dread a cab to the airport and long rides to chicago or vegas. i actually dont like to travel. plus it would lower the roll too.
im too broke to be paying vince the new higher price of $500 month if i lived in vegas he wanted this year once i got in better shape. (used to be $10 day-$300 month). i wonder if the other roommate complained? (jay). sure dont want to end up like the trooper, his place scary as fuck. nor do i want to be surrounded with large groups living in my house such as flushdraw, some of whom get high. at least all vince ever does is come home drunk. ideal situation would be with Ray (no cost--no idea why) since he has a car and is now playing poker himself. last 2 nights hes been at the table in toledo middle of the night if anyone in the toledo area would like to find out who he is.
if not that, live with a woman who loves me enough to let me move in with her for not much money--which flush draws original plan was. someone who wants to start a commitment to make it work. then id have a large home filled with possessions not mine, pets, etc.
i know i wish i could see my family, but not when im this bad off, and not when its inconvenient. the time to come is anytime im on the amtrak between albuquerque and chicago. if i was going, id fly to chicago, (cheapest way out of deadwood) then train from there. right now i shouldnt be doing NOTHING with my money but getting a much larger roll together before i end up in the critical zone i was in for most of my entire life. (by that i mean back below $10,000). Bovada balance is down to only $233. with the last $322 withdrawal not yet arrived, and the $175 lost since. if someone really cared about my welfare, they wouldnt expect me to til i get myself in shape first, into steady housing, medical etc. theyd think it would be foolish to waste more money.
the reason i emptied the new bank acct and closed it out totally to stop any fees is because i didnt want to withdraw any more from boa. its under $10k now. so i took the WF money instead in person this morning.