This is a really sad blog entry to have to write. the smart thing for me to do would be not to tell anyone this. But ive never done the smart thing my whole life as an adult, so why start now?
i just lost $1982 on the VBJ machine here in the tahoe Biltmore. so my new bankroll is $7351. and it deserves to be that too, for lying to my readers by underestimating the amount i came back from louisiana with. why did i do this? well i wanted to have some money to play VBJ with here in tahoe, and still have over $6000 to work with to get started in reno. and i figured if ive subtracted the money mentally already it wont cause a complete emotional and mental breakdown when it inevitably will occur.
for over a week things were ok. everytime i listed a $6000+ roll, it was an $8000+ roll. everytime i listed a $7000+ roll, it was a $9000 plus roll. dont get mad, its PPP who told me i shouldnt be honest about how much money ive got. and since i spent the $36 mom wanted me to finally once id recovered over $500 in this vbj, i figured i was "doing the right thing". in fact i did ok as long as i had the discipline to stick to the 1% rule.
today and the last 2 days i lost the discipline, 1 hand tonight while stuck heavily was 4 spots of $100, and the 5th spot was $70 for $470 bet. the running count id estimated to be plus 23 growing heavily every hand, and the dealer got BJ 2 hands in a row due to all the big cards left as i was betting big both times. it was the first time ive ever seen it this high in many months.
i will get close to $190 in bitcoin to hit my bank on tuesday. so it will increase the roll slightly. but this is because i got the rest out of bovada today finally id been waiting on which puts my new online roll at only $28. so im playing lots of sngs $1,3,5 only
im tired of playing this VBJ finally after tonights horrible $1982 loss, so i now wish to get back into reno (and grinding $1-2 much earlier than this thursday now). my last 3 sessions of live $1-2 NL were all winners, for about $380 total so i feel comfortable playing $1-2 NL once more. im really disappointed i couldnt get the $9000 up to over $10,000 though. were i to have succeeded, i was going to tell 1 more lie and claim i won it here in the biltmore.
truth is, in coushatta instead of losing $4000 in poker i lost only about $2500 in poker, and $1500 on VBJ. not $2000 VBJ and $4000 poker. this doesnt mean i wasnt truthful with kristi (ak gal) about security wanting me checked out by mental health for things i said right before i left for good. but i overestimated the loss. i wish id stayed put in shreveport, i wish id went home to Rays house with the extra $2000 instead of needing to worry who i can rent from in reno, etc. lots of poor decisions, and they all stem from the feeling of panic and terror once the $10k was wasted in shreveport on BJ over a relatively short time period. i think the first poor decision which started this was moving out of a nice safe room in the ramada bossier city for $700 month simply because of a nonworking fridge which wouldnt get cold enough. this is why i was staying downtown in the casinos, needing to earn free nights which were fairly easy to get if u played BJ enough.
the poor decisions started in NJ and PA where i won about $2000 a month on live BJ. this gave me a false sense of security and the feeling i wouldnt lose no matter how poorly i played. this too is probably why i got the emails offering me 4 nights a week at the taj, 2 nites per week in the trop, and all other days i put in 4 hours in harrahs ac for a free room (plus the $27 resort fee). atlantic city lifted my ban officially years ago, but they lifted it BEFORE joliet. but its never showed me banned there since. i dont think harrahs knows about ballys, so i did all of my ac nj playing in harrahs since i got mad that one time in ballys in NJ this one december (the night of the blizzard i flew Philly to Tampa).
i wish Benny Profane was an honest guy, and not out to lead me to believe things untrue all the time. such as info on machines he claims he will tell and hasnt, and pretending to be a female in reno wanting to meet. Ray offended his wife big time by joking with her online (with the fake profane benny id) the same way he does with PPP, lightning and AC, but like me, his wife isnt capable of understanding humor. because i could sure use a good woman to love me and a steady free place to live to get on my feet.
theres no uber service this time of night to reno, (only the $120 cab parked across the street which sits there all night often) and considering id have no room for sun night, it wouldnt be wise. the smart thing is to take todays 238pm amtrak and have a room booked downtown 1 night while i look for housing. this would be only $18 to get to reno, and would hopefully stop me from losing more on the VBJ here in tahoe.
before tonight i had some wins, some losses, but i was never down more than $400 and was up over $400 some of the time.