$15,700. Thats it. How'd it get so low? well for one thing im not winning here in Jacksonville. Now im not claiming the games arent beatable, for i won over $150 today in $4-8 stud hilow, then lost more than this in $2/2 NL. But i do know i dont feel like i have the bankroll for any of the games i usually feel i have the roll for. (even when i had the same size roll or LESS in years past). This is NOT the main reasons for this low of roll however.
why'd i come here? well i wanted to protect myself from losing my money in BJ. now to do this, i shouldve came with the $45,000, before i went to reno, and this wouldve been solved. coming after most of it was lost was a little too late. im paying $375 per week for my room, and $30 a day with uber. this is way too much for me to handle without cracking up under the pressure mentally or financially. this afternoon my allegiant i purchased 2 nights ago when i first realized i wouldnt be able to survive here before the price went up--will touch down in cleveland, and Ray will be waiting to pick me up. we will play some poker, then go home to toledo. we will most likely visit columbus for their promo within the week too.
But spending $625 a week? when i can live with Vince or Ray for a fraction of this, is dumb and stupid. yes i like my independence but the critical thing to do is once u are in a big hole, to stop digging. in reno i paid for less when i lived there long term near the peppermill, and i wish id just paid the $250 per week to live in the vagabond instead of needing to earn free rooms while in reno. wouldve kept me from playing as much BJ. id still played but less.
im not sure i could even earn $625 per week here in Jacksonville. the rakes more, no comps, nothing is free. if i ever return i think ill stay in orange park executive suites for like $269 per week. its a mile walk, no more big uber fees, dont look no safer than budget suites in vegas, but no more unsafe either than this. i do like the option of PLO8 in the other room, and the mon-wed-fri stud 8. the stud 8 players much much too loose, i turned $96 into $261 in it.
im very much on edge, due to financial stress. the $4500 in bitcoin i lost online playing BJ since coming to Jacksonville to get away from BJ, (well not all of it, it didnt all arrive yet) but enough of it. being dumb enough to purchase from other people for over $100 juice twice. simply cause i hate the week wait thru coinbase. im going to get banned if i dont go somewhere i can relax without huge expenses and stress. i got in trouble twice this week here, but not thrown out--just talked to. this don't even count me blowing up on the pit boss in reno in BJ. both times i felt the others were needling me, once this guy was laughing at me, another time i got slowrolled. took some horrible beats too. theres definitely a clique among the regulars. and this one guy and his friend i think mightve worked together against me in the 3 handed PLO8. the night i lost the $2000 in it. since then ive kept my buyins so tiny they werent enough to work with. (like $40 in $2/2). i only played $2-5 NL twice with $100 or $100 and change.
for as many years as ive played poker for a living its very embarrassing ive played so little $2-5. and no tourneys in which there was substantial money in play.
the uber drivers suck here horribly, tonight i had to complain to uber, get the fare reduced by $6-7 when the driver really screwed up big time again way out of the way, likely intentionally cause he did twice. he got a 2. and this afternoon he, once accepting the fare, the guy never showed or moved his car. i finally got him to cancel since if i did it id be charged. he was driving someone around in his car not thru uber when he accepted and 20 minutes later he was still waiting for them to exit his car.
I would like to talk a little bit about the criminal justice system in the US and how it needs to be reformed. Lightning as always misrepresented my record in his comments on the old blog, and i didnt like what memphis Mojo said about my personality either. the only reason id say anything unkind is when under stress over money, so if i was dealing (a stress free job full of free gifts continously) i sure wouldnt need to ever be unkind to survive and pay my bills. i never tried to rob a soul. i only pretended to, which shouldnt be a felony. trying to rob someone should, but NOT pretending to. but this isnt the way the law works, they didnt believe me, thought no one would do this who wasnt serious so they claimed i "must of changed my mind". even my son couldve had a serious felony (burglary) my mom told me never to tell a soul, but he got lucky the guy wouldnt prosecute. he was having mental health problems so bad he didnt realize it wasnt his house he was entering.
being charged with a felony shouldnt force u to get low paid min wage work for the rest of ur life, and never being able to look for a normal job. theres no incentive to seek work if u cant get good paying work. even gambling for $17 per hour is double min wage. the problem is u need a bigger roll than most would ever dream is needed. why did 1000s of us vote for Trump, especially those in poverty unable to get work, people like Ray, Vince, etc? its because we were left out. Ray would tell me of not getting factory jobs blacks could get with affirmative action. Vince would tell me how women are favored given priority over men. Trump won big due to economic issues, not because the US is racist. the only racists in this country are those who arent white. my mom used to work cleaning houses, when i grew up in poverty. but in this new world, only immigrants are given this job nowdays. no white maids in hotels less than 10%. its a big lie most people believe that americans dont want these jobs. u cant even work at mcdonalds without being surrounded by those who arent like u, so who would feel at ease working there? i got outrageoud in reno while playing BJ and every single dealer in a row being asian. lots of races discriminated against in dealing, white, black, mexican even, because they only wish to hire asians. sure u see a few, but the vast majority in some places are asian. thankfully this isnt the case in toledo, detroit or jacksonville, but it sure pissed me off in the silver legacy. none of the asians ever talk to thank u for tips or root for u like the older white women do or the men.
but yes i couldve not gotten into gambling and been so heavily dependent on it to survive constantly stressed, afraid to turn loose of $1. couldve found work had it not been for the felony, when i last went all over town applying for work (below age 30) no one would ever call me in for an interview because of my felony. now it would be over 20 yrs so maybe its less important but im totally bummed out this many years later. no work history would be a bigger issue now than the felony.
instead of ruining kids lives for years for buying weed, or other minor felonies, why not clear records after a certain period of years without any issues? if 7 is too little, surely 20 would be sufficient to clear the records and seal them. mine took place at age 20, 28 fucking years ago. sure trying to rob a place might make some think twice before they hire u, but joking around pretending to rob the place then admitting u dont want the money and arent serious shouldnt ban u from working the rest of ur life. and with this im tired of writing must sleep to be up for the plane. im not publishing this til im boarding the plane though.