Am i playing my best poker?

 i play poker weird, unconventially, not the way you would expect a person to play their hands. it could be helping my win rate, it could be hurting my win rate. who knows?

the other day i had JJ and raised it to $25 preflop, got 2 callers. the first caller was an asian girl id never seen before. the 2nd caller was her boyfriend sitting next to her and u could see them in previous hands not betting each other. Flop comes 10 6 2 with a possible flush draw but not for me. well with a shorter stack than most people what else can i do? i bet $75 and she folds and he calls. turn Q i shove, and he called with AA. had his girlfriend not been in there preflop, he likely wouldve raised back earlier i think and his hand not been as hidden.

then on a different hand (and i dont remember if it was the same day) i had KQ and i was going to quit soon and i didnt want to take much risk so i folded it UTG plus 2. most people wouldnt have folded it. flop comes 4KK and a black guy bets. and im thinking oh shit. turn comes K and he bets again, they all fold. i then got up and left and told them i was going to quit because i had just folded the hi hand, but it was because i had a bad kicker with my king, instead of telling them the truth and looking like an idiot. the black guy had 44, he had flopped a boat but once the turn comes i would have won. 

and then im in a PLO game, either this day or a day next to it, with TTJK and i folded preflop because of a raise, and my hand not being double suited, although im sure most dont fold this in PLO. flop comes 5 9 10. the raiser had a junk hand, but flopped 555. and the guy who called his raise preflop had 999. i wouldve tripled up and been in great shape for the day. 

and then i had Q2Q5 double suited and went over the top of a raiser preflop allin because i wanted to isolate, and didnt respect the raiser. rarely do i respect a guy who raises too often preflop. most of the time its not a good player, (otherwise known as long term winner) its just a guy with lots of money who can rebuy in often and deep. i hadnt been getting anything to play and i was tired of being down and i just wanted to win a huge pot. 

flop comes J35 and we somehow both got it allin and agreed to go twice. (i think either me or him had very little left). i ended up winning both boards, one board with 2255 to beat his AA and the other board with JQQQJ with it comes QJ the next 2 cards. 

at least its finally warm inside the house. its 66 in here tonight. this is a very old and very small place outside of the main house unit. and i just found out a lot of places in the Miami area dont have winter heating because its never needed. and there was a bitter cold spell the other day and it got as low as 33 in miami with a windchill of 28. and the inside of the house got to 56 degrees and i was freezing in here. i tried to buy a space heater when she promised to reimburse me for it and the Targets across the street from the poker room was sold out. and the following day, her cleaning lady went to 6 places to buy me one and every place was sold out. but now 1 day later, its no longer needed. but still, she should keep one on hand for future use in emergencies. 

if i remember right it seems like certain places up north in the past, possibly reno, didnt have AC because it wasnt needed either. and i remember using a fan. 

i actually managed to recover a big loss today, id brought a little less than 1400 with me to the poker room and was down to only 400 left after losing a few buyins. and i brought it up all the way back to 1486 before leaving to Uber to Walmart. i dont remember the key hand, but i do remember a pot where i called a big raise and reraise preflop with K987 double suited and then shoving on a flop of 6TK with a inside straight wrap and a small flush draw. and i was glad no one called my $400 plus pot sized bet. 

most of my bitcoin and XRP was either sold or lost gambling at blackjack online earlier this month or last, but i did send some of it to my bank account back to recover some of the airbnb charges i paid late dec to carry me up to feb 22nd. xrp is down below 1.60 and bitcoin is under 75k. 

they said its because Jeffrey Epstein ended up being the creator of bitcoin. i always knew someday XRP would surpass btc, but right now its hurting all the other coins, including xrp. 

---just waking up now the next morning and i had a weird dream in which im in a police station and im getting a phone call from a judge who tells me ill be charged with a felony if i keep taking pictures of people who dont want their picture took. but the other people in the police station, including her boss, claim thats not true. and one door in the police station has a big sign saying C Murphy district attorney democrat. then when im leaving they tell me they need to store my laptop somewhere for safekeeping and i tell them i need to be able to use it everyday to survive. and im following someone thru a hotel to go get my laptop and they enter a hotel room, and when they go to bag something up i let them know thats not my hotel room, but someone elses. but i think i was in the room on the previous day before, but had checked out. then a girl lying on the floor asks me if id placed any personal ads and said that i needed to send her the details of anyone who responded. and i was wanting her for my girl instead of anyone else. 

---------4 days later------okay i guess i should go ahead and finish this blog, i hadnt posted it yet because i didnt feel like the blog was big enough. But im down again to the lowest i had in a very long time, about 33,800. this is because i lost 1600 in the poker room today, well actually only 472 of it was lost in the poker room, the rest on the craps machine. and then twice in the past 3 days i threw away more than 1000 online blackjack. i miss the days when i couldnt lose money online because i didnt have a way to buy bitcoin. 

i will say that i attempted to renew my place another month but it was too late, she was sold out in all her units near here. (has multiple units) and the one place that wasnt it would have cost me $2912 for the month plus $500 for 4 days in a different unit, so i guess ill just go elsewhere. best i leave the area anyway. i miss not being able to make money in NL and dont like feeling like the rake is too high (with a $4 jackpot drop taken on $10) and feeling like i have to play PLO when i dont have the roll for PLO. 

i wish i could get rid of my laptop and my cell phone and still have a way to commute back and forth and function otherwise in life. shame how those things are mandatory nowdays to live. i remember when i was in AC homeless part of the time, and went to the internet cafe to pay like $1 or $2 an hour to get on yahoo messenger or pokerstars. i remember doing this in a place in vegas close to UNLV too on the main street connecting flamingo to Tropicana by UNLV, but i dont remember the name of the street. the 108 bus goes down it. because if i did that, i think my roll would be far higher. then i would stay in the poker room much longer instead of leaving as soon as i get up 200 or so, and then coming home and throwing money away online because i need something to do and want to try to get more money. better i not come home til im so dead tired all i want is to go to sleep.