tired of playing poker for a living

 i cant win anymore, and no its not because i buyin for $100 when i sit down. Buying in for $100 is using good money management, because it means i have 289 buyins. i dont like to ever go thru more than 1 percent of my net worth in just one day, so i quit pretty early tonight, played for less than an hour and left stuck about $300

i lost my first $100, then my $145 rebuy, and then about half of my final $100 rebuy. the third buyin i wonder if i played it badly? i had 88 limped in for $6 and a guy makes it $46 and then 4 people called in front of me, so i called too, and folded on the flop. 

my first $100, i had AK and was UTG so i made it $11 preflop since there was only $4 in the pot, the small and the big. the flop comes A56 with 2 diamonds, and the blind comes out betting $50. im allin for $82, and 2 people call. and no matter how much i wouldve sat down with instead of $100 i guarantee id have lost a lot more, as u can see from the hand im describing. 

turn comes 7 of diamonds, the big blind bets $50, im already allin, and seat 9 makes it $100. he calls. river comes 6. guy bets $200, 9 seat calls. the BB wins with 56 suited for a boat, other guy has a jack hi flush. 

no matter how big my stack was, id have never been able to bet them out on the flop or the turn or the river. 

and the other $145, i had QQ and a new young guy had just sat and made it $25 in very early position and i had no idea how he played, and i shouldve reshoved preflop but i didnt want to lose my buyins that quick so i called. guy in seat 4 beside me calls too.

and i let him see the flop with A5 of hearts for $25

flop comes Q63 all in hearts and its checked to me by the raiser preflop and i bet $45. only seat 4 calls. turn comes a 4th heart so i check and he bets me allin and i feel obligated to not fold top set. im already down to about $115 of the $145 before the hand starts. sure enough the board fails to pair up on the river.

i have not won at poker since i left shreveport when Jay drove me to Houston and i wish id have never went back to houston. all i did was waste money paying for a hotel needlessly for a month in Houston. 

just like before i went to san antonio i did not win in houston the entire 2 weeks i was there. i mean i won a few days but not a dime overall. i had more losing sessions than winning sessions. its dangerous playing in legends which is where the place got robbed, and the other clubs have no business or else they take a high rake, much more than a casino would. 

one place i did think i liked better because theres no button straddle i got tossed for a day because i got too mad at the other players and went off because they kept insisted on running it once just to bust me but overall its easier to win there.

and the other place where its much easier to get guys to agree to run it twice ive been losing at too. i miss kings but they just have no business ever since the new owner bought it last year and they started taking a big rake. 

they still have a much better massage girl but she only comes in very late at night. 

so if i cant win in houston any more and i dont care for any of the rooms (new owner of 88 social now called 101) still doesnt do anything to get rid of the cleaning room constantly being in the bathroom when men are using it. i dont know where to go except for 2 possibilities i think id like either the promotions are good enough to where id still win or the rules better so playing there would be less annoying due to policies but i wont mention here what parts of the USA im thinking of . 

i will say if im in a casino where u cant run it twice anyway the players being dicks and telling me no is no longer a factor because then i can feel like they would if they could.

even though i cant win at least 1 guy here feels like im a good player for he walked up to me quite drunk in the casino, told me he won $3300 on live blackjack and offered to back me for $100 since he knows im a good player from watching how i play. so he gave me $100 and told me to only pay him back if i win really big. then he said not to mention his name to the others at the table. 

i am not sure why im winning over $3700 on video blackjack in this place but they have a little bit better vbj and comps from playing it than most all other casinos offer. but remember the last time i was on a decent vbj machine i lost several thousand more than the $3700 im winning here. (im talking about the time i was playing in laughlin) and that final few days i blew over $5000 on the machine at the pioneer.

i feel like it will change anytime though. i had $25,400 when i left Houston and im at $28900 now. i was at $29300 earlier before i lost at poker and a little bit on a very much plus ev wheel of fortune machine similar to golden egypt that i dont see any pros near it. 

im still getting my rooms comped but i fear thats going to end this weekend and ill be charged a bunch. at least ive earned over $100 in comps. 

its very hard emotionally to lose money at poker to people i have zero respect for. dumbasses who wear masks, and cannot think critically. people who have no clue how much ev they lose and money they lose because they wont stop button straddling. and who only win at poker or look like they win simply because they have so many chips and it wont affect their life at all if they lose a few thousand dollar plus buyins in a row. 

i see people making multiple mistakes, and not getting full value for their hands. including a guy with a red beard who looks like the guy who used to call himself the black pimp in the days of tattood in california. 

he raises preflop i called with a4 suited, flop comes ace high and i bet into him being first to act , he called, i bet turn he calls, and the river i check he checks too and he wins with AK and i tell him how bad it was for him to not bet the river. i wouldve called off my last $70 or so and lost. 

i had aa77 with the J on the board as kicker, he played his AK. 

i wouldnt mind flying out of here to a city id like to visit for poker, but i need to deposit cash in my bank first somewhere and im afraid to get on a plane with $5-10k in cash on me. they will seize it. and theres no bank nearby me. 

and of course, im about $4000 more in cash than when i arrived in town. 

this is a far more isolated place to be if nuclear war breaks out between the US and Russia like Biden is pushing for. But i cant stay here forever, i dont think i can get rooms on the weekend without paying a lot, and also i cant win in this small shitty poker room. no matter how great and deep the other players are buying in for. and plus ill lose a small fortune any day now on the vbj machine. 

well the increase in the bankroll, i knew it wouldnt last

 I know i dont belong here in Louisiana, same as i dont belong in Florida or anywhere else theres casinos that have video blackjack machines. And i really dont think i can play good poker unless i play very short sessions. i get bored and frustrated after sitting in a very good action game if im not getting paid, and if i am getting paid i want to leave before i inevitably give it back. on the way to my room upstairs, because i was stuck $300 when i quit the game, i lost another $800 on video BJ. so now im back to only $27400 and i was over $29k the other day. thats my third BJ loss and all of it was on the machines since i never played on the tables except when i had coupons. 

also im spending a lot for my room since im getting few poker days and mostly paying a lot for it. but at least i can be in my room in under 5 minutes and no uber fees. and if i wanted and really need to do since my stomach is the size of a basketball and is the only place i gain weight, theres a gym available that would basically be a private gym all my own since no one is ever using it. 

i moved tables tonight more than once because of people who are sick (theres been a LOT of people with colds or coughs lately) and its always the ones not wearing a mask. and when u are sick thats the one and only time u most definitely need a mask. no wonder some people think evil of Republicans. ive seen as many as 5 people move away from one guy who coughed frequently the past 2 days. but he was spewing so much money, they didnt complain. 

i almost have half a mind to go to Reno where everyone whose sick got to wear a mask, but the sad news is they make healthy people wear them too there. 

Unlike most people i rarely ever get a cold or flu and thats because i am healthier by not smoking drinking using weed and not eating mayonnaise and ranch dressing. i take a vitamin c, a vitamin d, and a zinc every day from the bottle in my suitcase. 

so i was stuck from the beginning when the action player makes it $25 with A7 and i made it $100 allin with AK and he calls and then hits a flush. this was shortly before i got my move to another table so i wouldnt be by the guy coughing. 

i never once got ahead, though i lost much slower at the other table but eventually it broke and we filled up the old table, but that guy was no longer there. 

i always think i can use my tight image to steal pots, and often it works so i called UTG in seat 3 with 22 and planned to reraise if anyone raised, but 2 people called the $15 raise from seat 6 so i thought it unwise because one of them i thought isnt folding preflop regardless. 

flop comes 773 and seat 6 been there a long time and was winning so i mistakenly thought he wasnt nearly as loose as he turned out to be. i put him on an overpair or high cards. he bets $15 everyone else folds, so i made it only $30. he bets $45 and im thinking surely he doesnt have a 7 in his hand, so i bet $60 more to prove that i had a 7 in my hand instead of my 22. i wanted him to lay down an overpair or AK. i thought i was playing so few hands id get credit. 

turns out he then shoves allin, i fold what i claimed was an overpair, and he turns over 73 of diamonds for a boat?

he raised to $15 with it preflop?

i said i was playing badly and tired so i left and thats when i threw away the rest on the machine.

the only reason my rolls more than the 26300 i came with is remember in dec, i got $300 in free BJ bets 7 different times, thats $2100 worth of coupons. then i made $500 plus in that bitcoin blackjack contest i told Bill Potts about but not where or he would play it and id never be in the money again. 

and a couple of times ive won $800 in the game too. but it was a week or so back.

but ive sure wasted a lot in hotel cost and BJ videos the last few days and my hotel ends sunday too unless i wanted to pay another week. 

and then i keep having all these weird and scary dreams. i have dreamed about homelessness my whole life, and my mom was helping me find an apt in Hutchinson Ks for $100 a month in the dream. Often ill dream about seeing a really cheap hotel in vegas i dont know exists. but the scary part was im sleeping in a hospital to hide in and i see a laser pointed at me i think is a gun by security and then all of a sudden theres a crowd of people taking over and im required to wave a big black and red bloody flag if im not to get viciously assualted or killed. and they all start talking about how the only god is the dark overlord and they serve him and theyre yelling freedom and the red flag im waving has a hammer and sickle. 

then the dream changes and im in a hallway in a huge castle and im looking for the lady running it to get out and theyre letting me stay there and sleep and im afraid to. and all i can find is locked doors and a construction worker saying she isnt here. 

i was surprised no one commented on all the weird dreams i posted on twitter the day before. 

before i went to my room, i tried to pick up $1000 of the money i deposited over a week ago at the cage but its probably just as well i couldnt get to it. the lady in charge of that department they said wouldnt be back for over 30 minutes. i wonder if they think im not playing since its been a long time since i needed to get into it?

also ACR still hasnt credited my acct yet for the $135 i sent in bitcoin many days ago but accidently to an old address instead of the current deposit address. the last email i got was requested a photo of the transfer from my wallet and all i could send them was the blockchain link proving it because it was sent from another gambling site instead of going thru my wallet. and ive not heard another email back thats been over 48 hours ago now.