Thursday, January 31, 2013

I need to exercise better game selection, and plan my hours out better, would help to keep me off machines too

Since im way too broke still to play NL (all of which is my own fault for not staying off the machines) i need to better utilize my time to play in the best games suited for my bankroll, and the best promotions for someone whose broke. which means i shouldnt be waking up at 7am, and should be getting up about 11am, and also i shouldve played in the samstown omaha8 game. (actually i should try the orleans and suncoast games too). Roll is $1700 and the other day before paying the rent it was $2100. and about $200 was lost on the VP machines. should get back a little over $100 in the samstown freeroll feb 10 on my birthday. (its usually chopped up early).

also might need to do the cannery freeroll, but id have to get in 30 hours in a shitty $2-4 game, but if i could get the $500 chop there when the tourny ends at 10 players, that would radically increase my hourly break even rate. sometimes only 15 people in the am freeroll and about 30-40 people in the PM freeroll, and u can qualify for both depending on what hours u get. (2 seperate 30 hours periods). thats the 2nd saturday of every month.

i need to learn how to make the money in freerolls better in spite of the collusion so rampant in these, and theres also other freerolls to hit up. all i know is i should avoid waking up the wrong hours, avoid playing stud at samstown (almost always lose) and waiting forever for a seat, which is when i find myself wasting time and getting stuck heavily on a machine. also i found out the skyline once had one of those vbj machines, but removed it quite a long time back. im so broke, after getting moms package, and playing the freeroll, i might need to move back out of town, i cannot afford my rent anymore. at one point i was up to $2400 about the time i got the bike.

no idea what ever became of donkeytax, but at least lightning will be around this weekend, probably without a car. id pay for a rental if i wasnt near as broke as i am. someday when i have money i need to give it to someone to buy a motorhome for me, then drive it for me and park it for me. Thats what a guy needs a woman for, to make a horrible place to live into a nice home. im running out of options to keep on paying my rent, i dont have things to sell anymore like comps, airline tickets, lock poker money etc. and i dont believe for a second anyone is waiting to stake me, certainly not steve zolotov as someone claimed they would talk it over with him whose renting a house from him.

Saturday, January 26, 2013

isnt there a famous person named Jaimee Lee Lewis or something like that?

couldnt find one online, but thanks to Jaimee Lewis for the new battery. it lasts about 3-4 times as long as the old battery but my cell still died eventually when i was playing games on it, but its certainly a lot better battery. (he dropped it off at sams town).

Spent the whole day at samstown, playing WHIP IT hands, and left over $100 up with a new roll of $1900. was sitting by Pam a lot of the time, who used to work at the mirage as floorperson years ago some of the time, and later at the wynn. she gave me advice on how to lift the old 86. and said if she was the manager she wouldnt mind if i played. also she knows both lederer and zolotov, and said maybe she could find me cheaper rent since she knows a landlord who would rent to a poker player. shes always thought i was a good poker player, and was surprised my rolls so low.

and im tired, i only slept 4 hours or so, waited to hear back from stump last night, but gave up and went to sleep and i found out today the game broke about 5am, about the time i was ready to go back over and texted him and akgal. theyd both came over from green valley to play last night, and joined me in the game. i was sorry to go, but i had no choice was up just around $100 in NL, and couldnt risk giving it back, $100 is a lot with my bankroll. especially when its a win instead of me trying to get unstuck.

and ill be sleeping very shortly, within the hour im sure.

Thursday, January 24, 2013

Multi question quiz--did i make the right decision, and why?

Ok, i made a number of decisions last night, and eventually came home $20 ahead, when i probably shouldve came home up a lot more. at one point i couldve came home in the $1800s again instead of the $1600s. or should i just be happy i didnt lose?

so i woke up about a half hour before 114am, and by the time i was ready to leave, called samstown on the phone, and found out that AGAIN the game had just broke, which was really odd since it was thurs morning between midnite and 6am, where the $100 aces cracked is in effect for ANY aces, along with the other $1000 for flopping quads. i did get money at boulder station last night for flopping quads.

so i decided to go up the street to eastside cannery, closest place to walk to, and i knew id still have aces cracked til 3am, and could always jump on the boulder hwy bus to boulder station or downtown, or even the 202 flamingo bus to the palms or nearby. (such as terribles, walking short ways to hardrock, wynn, V, etc). wasnt sure if that was the right decision, option 2 wouldve been to just plan to take the bus downtown boulder hwy and go to the nugget.

as i was walking to the eastside cannery, i couldnt get bravo live working, so i couldnt call the cannery, so i saw a bus coming, and jumped it to boulder station, i had my laptop with me also. (i brought it to stay off the VP). Now i did consider that a good decision, although i worried it might get stolen if i opened it in public, like on the bus. (and it couldve got lost, i left it behind at boulder station and was relieved security found it before someone else did). I had checked with the cannery the day before if it was ok to sit at an empty table using my laptop while i waited for my seat to be open, and got the OK.

so i get to boulder, take a seat in the $2-4 game with ANY royal paying $5000. (and the BBJ) not much happens in the game, game gets short, and then i hit a HHJ for flopping quads for $160 and gave the dealer $10 which ended up being a mistake as little profit as i came home with. game soon broke, and i went out to the VP machine. not to play it for real money (was i lying to myself?) but to redeem $5 points into free play. i ran it up to $17 and then on a martingaled losing series, inserted a $100 to make the next bet, lost, and kept playing. ended up losing $40+. at one point was down more.

came back to play $4-8 omaha high, definitely a mistake, but left when i saw i was going to have my blind straddled, and went to catch the bus to samstown as the stud game was about to open. (a great example of WHY i am awake the wrong hours). no ones commented on poker Johnnys 24 hour casino suggestion, but i am awake the worst possible hours for what i should be playing.)

and of course no ones commented why its always so hot in my apt in the middle of winter without me even turning the heat on that i posted about on twitter. Nor on alot of them weird dreams ive ever discussed. One thing im glad to say is for whatever reason, ive not seen a roach in a long time.

so i played stud at samstown, when that was probably the wrong decision. (other option being to go home and eat since i hadnt ate and play online since that game kind of isnt beatable with the heavy rake and good players). i sat there 2+ hours and lost $25 or so. when the omaha8 game opened (and it WAS a good game as far as the action--i moved to it). But i was starting to feel frustration being ready to eat, and giving back so much of what id been up earlier, i couldnt play my best, and dont that mean u should leave even if the game is really loose, and u need to stay awake during these hours instead of the hours i know ill be waking up tonight going home then? some people say if i dont feel like playing, regardless of if i need the hours, dont play.

anyway i lost about $60 in the omaha and left. no real hands except for 3 really nice ones that missed everything. scooping one big pot wouldve got it all back, but i never had any pieces of pots. i felt bad leaving such a good game after being in bad ones all night, but after already playing for 8-10 hours, didnt feel like playing anymore. wanted to eat, and relax at home online.

so i think i made the RIGHT decision in leaving.

and now i think im making the right decision by going to sleep, going back out to play to fix my hours wont be good, i sure cant win now. i got to sleep when my body needs rest. the only way to really fix hours is to be in a casino hotel with alarm clock and phone, and then force myself up if i could walk to the poker room after say 5-6 hours sleep and then go back up. when i have to travel to play, (travel to me is not being at the casino to live) then i get into a routine thats hard to adjust.

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

I finally feel like im getting WORK done

My clothes have been washed, are now in the dryer, the trash has been taken out, the rent has been paid for another week (although i really didnt want to do that, but what else could i do at the last minute without no one to give my things to to hold?). The Bike has been returned, they took it thank God, along with the padlock, (if no one else agrees with this decision ask SBR, he said paying 1 20th of my net worth for it was pretty dumb, so im sure he would feel the same way about 1 15th.) Even then, my roll is only at $1600 after paying the rent. im still quite a bit worse off than when i left Jean, and about $800 worse off than i was a week ago. the loss of $390 on the VP a day or so ago really hurt bad.

also i feel like the bike really didnt benefit me none, due to the best room for me being within walking distance, and the much better bus service here than when i lived at harbor island. even walmarts i walk to, the bike was needed far more way back then than now. Plus i thought i might need to go to reno, or maybe even go to cali and be homeless to make sure none of the remaining money gets spent on machines. reno for cheap $100 a week safe housing within walking distance of eldorado.

what made Jean good for me WASNT the VBJ. it was no stress over my rent, (there was none) and the fact i went the entire 2 months i was there without playing a single hand of VP. the fact i had a much better machine to play kept me off the VP entirely, and that really did a lot for my roll. while in laughlin, i not only played a much worse VBJ machine, i also played a tiny bit of VP, not near as much as lately however.

and one other piece of work im getting done--all the dirty dishes sitting in the sink are being done, so i can use the pizza pan again. its not really as hard as it sounds because i put them to soak many hours prior.

one other thing id like to get done, (but of course will not get done) is fix it so ALL of my playing takes place 12noon to 12pm. (not that long of course, but within those hours). sometimes on rare occasions after midnite (such as last night) theres not even a game at all. and the $2-4 game at the cannery really sucks, all the money goes for the freeroll. (after aces cracked ends). now of course if u do qualify its worth playing for the top 10 get $500 each and they say its as little as 15 people in it some months. 30 hours will qualify u. the reason i cant fix those hours is my body is too used to being awake nights and sleeping days, its been conditioned to do that for over 20 years and any change in the schedule goes right back to what my bodys been used to a few days later. trying to force the change could even be unhealthy and make me sick. when i played a lot more NL in bigger casinos, playing later was a good idea, but now i think im better off playing hours more in like with poker Johnny.

i wish i could spend time with donkeytax, he seems to be a lot better at poker than most since its his main income, and he sure is right about TX station, but it too breaks up during the night abour 4-5am and not much to live by there. i think if he watched me play and took the time to go over my game i might learn something, but like everyone else hes always too busy.

and i think im going to have to start living in far more unsafe places just to save money, as bad off as i am financially, i only deserve the bare minimum. i left Jean long before i was ready, and im up to close to $900 in VP losses since leaving Jean. all of which wouldve made a huge difference in my life.

also, even though i dont think im losing in hyper turbos, i accidently played a $30 one by mistake, and lost it. (thought i was registering for a much smaller one, which pissed me off.) so that cut my lock balance by about half. i think im best at the $5-7 level right now, and playing DON to build the balance up. am trying a lot more 6 max ones to see how i do at them instead of just 10 max. i think i should play less hypers until my roll on lock is on a more solid footing, such as back over $100.

if my blog disappears and no one hears from me, realize i just wanted to get away from all the negatively. i think the negative comments cause me to act negative, and if i heard more positive feedback, it would help me make the positive changes.

Sunday, January 20, 2013

I've been sneezing all night and i feel like im getting a really bad cold, but it isnt the flu because i dont have an upset stomach. i ate the rest of the ice cream, and lost a few hyper turbo sngs, now $43 online instead of $69, but i am getting the money in for the most part with the best of it. getting a lead early on doesnt guarantee u the money. disappointed i didnt hear back from the woman who was originally going to come out to samstown, shouldve arranged and confirmed it ahead of time, i didnt even wake up til about 9pm. at one point was up about $200, still made it home up over $110, and never touched a machine. still only in the $2200s though. i am thinking maybe i cant afford the bike, and still need a 2nd lock instead of just the one good lock, am so worried about it being stolen. the seat needs raised too. Would make riding it alot more comfortable.

i should be trying to sleep, so i can try and be over at the stratosphere at 7pm. hope i feel better. thats too far to go on a bike. An out of town blog reader is going to be there. too bad its not the samstown 7pm tourney he is interested in. i think i get the cold from being outside without a warm enough coat even though i have a warmer jacket than i did. at least thats why i got them years ago.

would like to know how many think i did the right thing buying the bike and how many think i did the wrong thing, considering my roll is so low. no way i see to take polls. also i really need to clean this place but im way too lazy

Thursday, January 17, 2013

Im a fool

again tonight, i won $45 playing poker at samstown, and then won $95 playing poker at boulder station. and then i came home $10 ahead, still in the $2200s, after losing $35 in the VP at samstown, and $95 on the VP at boulder station. i have lost close to $400 or so in the last month on VP since leaving Jean and that would help my bankroll out substantially.

I really need to buy a bike so i cant use not wanting to stand outside at night at the bus stop as an excuse to sit inside the casino playing VP waiting for it to get light outdoors so i feel safe going outside. Nor can i bring myself to spend $10 on a cab between sams town and boulder instead of using the bus as broke as i am. Like i said, that extra $400 or so back would really help, im sure ive forgotten losses and its probably closer to $600.

i found a way to get another $13 on lock without having to buy from vook when i was down to less than $1 this morning. i went and traded in 900 points, am wondering if id have got a better rate on those points had i saved them.

The black lady i wrote on my friends list on myyearbook, id have sworn she was who walked into the poker room at sams town the other day and didnt introduce herself because she "didnt like me". turns out it was NOT her after all. i seen her again watching the game at boulder, went in and got a coffee, and seen me on a machine later, talked to me, (so she could order a drink from the waitress) and i showed her that ladys picture on myyearbook, and it was someone totally different. the other girl who was white and watching the game at samstown a different day, id swear though is a different one i wrote who never wrote me again. i really need to get a haircut before i try and meet any women. I'll never find another one like Claudia who accepted me as i was at first anyway, and this was why i was so bitter about losing that relationship, and tried so hard to win her back. women are not the kind of thing that can be replaced if u lose one.

the only reason im back to $2200 is i got and deposited moms check for $380 yesterday, and i was at the bank almost an hour waiting to speak to someone, finally got my debit card replaced and i sure hope the people in the office are honest and dont steal the mail. i still have to wait 7-10 business days for the permanent card in the mail with my name on it.

I've noticed a ton of old blogs on my roll that arent updated too often got around to being updated today. some of those blogs that are old and dont exist i need to remove.

also i changed my settings on lock, to where i can now see 6 max sngs instead of only 10 handed ones. so i found some hyper turbos and some double up sngs with only 6 people, both of which i never even realized ran on a regular basis on lock. i am not sure if i should play them or not. once the table gets too short in live poker i usually do worse. Finally seen one roach, but not the bigger sized one, first one in 5 days.

Which thrift stores are less expensive? seems the savers one and the desert industries one costs more than others, the one near me used the excuse they have to pay the employees--and yet they get the stuff FREE.

Monday, January 14, 2013

u wouldnt expect it to be this cold in vegas, when carrying a ton of groceries home from walmarts it felt like i needed gloves, i felt cold in my hands more than not having a cap or warmer coat, and of course i couldnt be in a really cold place like south dakota with this little money.

Havent been to the bank yet, nor the thrift store, but if i find moms check this afternoon, or whenever i go to sleep and wake up, then ill go over there, must be done fairly quickly so i can have a working atm card. cant be putting it off, because they still will have to mail me a permanent one, im only going in to pick up a temporary.

am still only in the $1700s, that check is supposed to be what will get me back to over $2000. at least ive been doing ok on lock, still holding onto over $140 on there. i didnt lose all that money, it just looked like it because of the charges taken out when i ordered mom the tea. (i did have that one bad $300 poker and VP drop that one night).

To maintain a roll of over $2000 will be incredibly difficult. $174 will come out wed for rent, $90 more for internet in a week, $2-6 might not be beatable (still not a big enough sample to determine) and anything could go wrong. And if i stay around $2000 forever, eventually something would go wrong, and i would end up broke, so its critical this gets to $3000 as soon as possible so i have the extra $1000 cushion. especially if i was to start playing NL. $174 a week seems to be way too much rent, ive seen places as low as $125 a week here in vegas, but they look far more unsafe.

heres some good news, and i have no idea why, but for whatever reasons, ive not seen a single roach in here the last 3 days. how they all died i dunno.

Thanks so much to Jamie on facebook for offering to bring me a battery when he comes to vegas Jan 26th. theres so many little things like that i need, such as a haircut and bedding, that i cant just bring myself to spend money on when things like a bike and rent are so much more important and until i hit $3000 i really shouldnt spend a dime on any expenses. Not playing NL makes it a lot harder to win enough a week to get by. did i leave Jean too soon? i fear i mightve lost my discipline and lost the money there too.

And i still havent seen Grump or Johnny since returning to vegas, and grump dont have a lot of time before he leaves. Wont be able to afford a bike anytime soon either i fear.

Friday, January 11, 2013

starting to come back

well the losing sessions at samstown are over now, both yesterday and today were close to $200 wins, and i got my cell phone bill paid. Incidentally, i need a new cell phone battery terribly bad and cant afford it, it dies very rapidly and sometimes shuts off on its own. keeps getting worse.

so im back to $1700 again from $1400. and once my walmart moneycard recredits the transaction that failed to go thru, ill be back to around $2000. and once moms check arrives which got sent to me in thursdays mail, ill be back over $2300 and then ill feel a whole lot better. it says on the walmart debitcard website that it takes up to 10 whole days to credit back transactions that got cancelled. this is why u never ever want to use the walmart debitcard instead of the bank if at all possible.

Plus i learned something else really bad about the debitcard, (that doesnt apply to a bank card). if it gets stolen, (and used fraudlently before i get the card cancelled) im shit out of luck. they do NOT limit ur loss to $50 like my bank is required to do by law. so its not all that safe.

am so glad im finally realizing that the samstown game is evidently beatable after all. Unless ive just been running extremely hot. Also ive got over $80 in food comps there, more than i thought, i must be putting in many hours.

now here is whats really bugging me, and is why me ordering this for mom was such a hassle. I first tried to use my bank debit card, and it got declined, and i couldnt reach them by phone that morning to find out why. well, i managed to reach them by phone yesterday, and found out why. seems a bunch of cards got comprimised somehow, and they sent everyone out a new card, cancelled their old card, and a letter explaining why.

this really upsets me that the bank would send that out without phoning and emailing u to warn u because how do they know if u still live there? see my bank didnt have a valid address for me since i closed that mailbox at the flamingo. So they had to cancel the replacement card too once i told them. and now ill just go to the bank, show ID and get a new temporary card. (but they still will have to mail the permanent one).

their is no excuse whatsoever for them not emailing people,IMMEDIATELY or calling people, whenever this becomes neccessary, and ill give u a hypothetical situation to explain why. and i will tell the bank manager exactly what i think when i go in to talk to them.

Lets say i lost my money in the casino and was in a taxicab home, and was stopping by the bank on the way, knowing i had plenty of money in there to pay him, and i couldnt get my card to work at the atm (since they had cancelled it without telling me--) and also it wouldnt work with the cab readers credit card meter. lets say then the cab driver calls the police and the police dont want to hear my cards been cancelled, and say i need to pay. see all the horrible trouble that can be caused by the bank not calling or email u immediately to notify u, instead of sending a letter in the mail?

and the bank wasnt really understanding me on the phone, because they claimed that cancelling the card was to "protect" me. its NOT me thats being protected, because im not responsible for fraudulent transsactions. its themselves.

had my bank not cancelled my card, id have never tried to use my walmart debitcard, and i wouldnt have ended up being charged twice because the debit card didnt go thru the first time when i forgot to tell the salesman over the phone its a mastercard instead of a visa.

so yeah, i have to go to my bank, and maybe wait 10 days before my other $281 is back on my walmart debitcard. what a pain in the ass.

Now i know to some of u $100 is a lot of juice, but remember mom offered me that out of the blue because she knew i needed it more than she did, and she wanted to help me out. i sure wouldnt have asked for that much. and she had no idea when she asked all this aggravation id go thru, nor did i. i thought it would be easy and id only be out $281 in the meantime instead of being out $562.

her birthday is coming up march 25, and i can repay her then. certainly not now, i need it too much. im in far more desperate shape than her. She owns her house, owns a car, has a more stable income, and doesnt manage her money as well as me in my opinion, because i feel like spending money on farmtown is a waste, and so is tea this expensive. she thinks it makes her healthier and she feels better physically. the reason the tea is so terribly expensive is herballife is a multilevel marketing company. Right now im just praying that check dont get lost or stolen, or ill really be fucked, and that walmarts dont make me wait forever to get that other $281 back, cannot understand why their website says it takes up to 10 days.

also, im really worried my new bankcard will get lost in the mail too. i hope the employees here are honest.

and i hope vook makes an effort to see me when hes in town soon. i explained to him about how the buses and free samstown shuttle works. he might be out.

and in other news, how much should i have before i get another bike? i dont want to really be below $3000 let alone below $2000. want to feel entirely secure i wont go broke. how much do u guys feel the $2-6 spread limit game is beatable for a week longterm? at what point should i play NL? how much will that phone battery cost? there is a nearby tmobile store where i can speak to someone in person close to samstown. who would want to go out to Jean, and fill their car up with gas with my comp dollars, and give me a reasonable amount but still less than they wouldve paid? I know if i had a bike, id do a bit of playing in the NL game at boulder station, but i dont want to walk it or wait outside across the street for a bus in the middle of the nite. i have no idea what that game is like either. still am considering moving downtown near grump to play at the nugget everyday, but feel my roll isnt enough yet, and not sure where to live downtown. Grump might know. also moving is going to be very difficult, because i dont have near enough suitcases to put my things in, and suitcases seem to cost a ton. is why i never buy them. Really wish a friend could spare bedding, kitchen things i dont have, towels etc too.

Wednesday, January 9, 2013

My money is now well on its way into the downhill slide i knew was coming, i lost $94 at samstown again today, $100 of the $94 loss was on the poker table, and the other $6 profit was on the VBJ. i was out $50 in the poker room first blinds round the table. Then i went and paid my rent today one day early for another week and there went $174 of my money.

Plus i need to spend some money doing a favor ordering something for mom of which ill be paid back extra money besides, although i still dont like it i guess i should do it. so yeah my rolls gonna be getting quite short. havent paid the phone bill yet, and ive got things i still need at walmarts,(more food) ive not even got me a blanket yet, still just using this old sheet. I am not sure what to play, i only know what i cant play, i cant have any more losing days.

yeah i felt like i couldnt afford to play NL earlier and didnt need to since i was doing good at $2-6. now im wondering if $2-6 is still beatable longterm and if i was just running lucky. right as i was getting to where i could afford NL again, now i feel like i cannot again. and of course i cant be purchasing the bike i need. if i had the bike, id ride it up to the $50 NL buyin at boulder sometimes, be a better game maybe. At least ive gone up a little on lock since buying from vook that last $62 for $50. that might keep me from depositing more there. its up to $94 on lock, meaning if i was to sell it back right now, id get $70. i sure hope i can afford to keep this place a week from now next time its due. Sure wish there was alot more online poker available.

cant find anyone who needs to fill their tank with gas either, i can buy anyone gas in Jean with my remaining $107 comps. and if they smoke, can get those too. If im going to stay in vegas, might as well try to get cash.

moms swears that i should buy something called ROACH PROOF to get rid of the roaches, says it worked for her once at a place i was a kid.

Monday, January 7, 2013

Dont know how im doing it, not had any daily losses in ages, and todays $100 plus win at sams town has me up to $2500. of course, rent and phone will be due very soon. I would like to make it my goal not to go back under $2000 again, which of course is still hardly any bankroll at all. could easily drop $500 in a week where id run bad, and im way overdue for this.

I dont even know if Claudia is even reading this blog anymore, i doubt it since she isnt talking. wish i knew one person willing to find out whats up down at the pokerstars carribean adventure, where she is dealing right now for a couple weeks, but i dont think any of my blog readers are there. All i know is if i cared about a friend and was worried about their mental health, the last thing i would do is quit talking to them. I wouldnt "farm the job out to someone else", thats not showing any care or concern at all. And i do feel really bad all the things i said angry she wouldnt talk the last time i spoke to her by phone in an effort to get her to see how much i could use a friend that scared her off.

since $2500 is still not hardly any kind of a roll at all, i hate to say this, but i still cant afford a bike, nor can i afford to play NL, except for the few times i have played it at places where the buyin is well under $100. I also hate to admit i still havent went back and bought that $8 blanket. i did make one effort, but they were already closed at 6pm. no idea why a thrift store would keep bankers hours when most of the customers would want to shop 5-9pm after they get off work. Nor do i understand why other businesses wouldnt be open more hours either.

Besides that blanket, i could really use some silverware that isnt plastic, a kitchen handtowel, (have 2 other kind of towels) some listerene strips, a lot of huge suitcases so i can take my things with me when i find a better place to live, and im sure theres cheaper and less roach infested places. also i wish i could buy plenty of fruit, fruit is good for u, but it spoils so fast and is so damned expensive.

i wish i could afford to keep a balance of over $100 on lock at all times too, that way i could play bigger games and my time spent there would be more worthwhile.

Saturday, January 5, 2013


Still doing ok, won $82 today, rolls still in the $2300s, and i wish i had some icecream or some fruit in here, having been buying the absolute cheapest items possible at walmart since im paying cash. which means NO candy bars, pop, etc. I get shocked when i see poor people buying expensive meats. I really dont feel all that comfortable walking about outside after dark. Especially thru the parking lot of walmarts, or up the street towards AZ charlies and boulder station, instead of sams town, or even a walk to the eastside cannery. nor do i like the idea of standing across the street in the middle of the night at boulder station heading back the other way towards samstown. lots of broke and desperate people out here and a terrible lot of them look like they are under 21. wonder how many are runaways.

i certainly dont have the roll to do so yet, and i left the poker room out $28, i am only up for the day because i won $109 on the video poker at sams town i shouldnt have been playing. But what i need--is another bicycle. and of course the cheapest and ugliest looking one i can find that might not get stolen. and this time i need all kind of expensive locks.

with another bike, i could zip right thru any scary lone isolated dark areas at night so fast, i wouldnt mind going thru the parking lot at walmarts, and zipping home from boulder station or eastside cannery in the middle of the night. But when should i buy it? what should i first have my roll up to? it will drop the middle of next week, once i start paying rent and phone. also my net will be $90 next month again. damn that 10 GB limit. I still think if i could find a safe cheap place near grump id be better off downtown near the golden nugget. paying $170+ a week for a cockroach infested place really isnt all that cheap, id like to pay monthly when i can for not over $500 including utilities. also i miss playing NL and im starting to think i might soon have enough for it. But i am running way above average and am probably due for some losses. what i dont want, is to ever go back under $2000. Lost a $25 sng tonight when on the bubble as a heavy favorite, AK against AQ so that was quite upsetting, ($50 swing). means i might soon need to buy more from vook. bought $50 off him yesterday, or id been up to $2400 now.

it shouldnt be neccessary to put UNOPENED boxes of cereal, macoroni, and noodles in the fridge to safeguard it from roaches is it? even unopened? mom said to keep ALL in there.

also curious what a $2-6 spread limit player with average promotions should be able to win longterm per hour. more than $6 i hope.

Thursday, January 3, 2013

Well to be honest, im doing better than i have been in a long long time. am back to $2200, won almost $280 today at sams town in the stud game, part of it came from hitting 2 4 of a kinds. went home when the game broke. Will go back out before all the stores close, because i still need to get me a pan, blanket, can opener, microwave dish, and a lot of other things.

a couple months ago i moved into Jean on Nov 6th. and about a month before that, around the beginning of Oct if i remember right, was about the time i moved out of my apt at Harbor Island and down to Laughlin to play the VBJ machine that wasnt any good. And at the time, i was using very poor judgement. But im not using that poor judgement anymore, am basically staying away from machines (only 1 screwup). Yet i know that without counseling, i can fail at anytime. But i dont know how to find a counselor. Maybe if someone else similar to Claudia were to write Rachel and explain the need, she would take me on again. ( But unlike what Claudia always used to tell me (that she would counsel me on ANYTHING) i think she only does compulsive gambling counseling for those who want to stop.

u see, what im saying is ALL the bad judgement was happening back in Oct and the months prior--(at the time i was throwing away the $6000 roll). And yet Claudia was still willing to talk to me back then. She was even trying to help until she got angry and put my life in serious danger by calling the police, (dont she know police in vegas have a tendency to shoot suspects they think are mentally ill?) u shouldnt go around telling police officers someone has weapons without proof. Luckily for me, they were quite nice. I think ive done extremely well, and used quite good judgement and decision making ever since i dropped to a low of $1100, because if i had NOT, i couldve easily been out on the streets along with everyone else totally broke. And instead, ive doubled the roll. So i feel like i should be congratulated on all the wise decisions i made by going to Jean in the first place, and then in coming back to Vegas and playing poker at samstown.

i do not know whether Claudias motive were pure or not when she sent the police to check on me in Jean. I dont know if she was seriously worried i might harm someone, or if she was just angry i was still emailing and texting her. and ill never know because she has never contacted me again since. Nor has she spoken to any friends i know and trust who can tell me the truth about how shes feeling, and i really need someone to find out whats up, so i can forget about her, and not worry about what she might be planning and just get on with my life. It was HER not me, who wanted to make sure i get hooked up with medical and SSI, ive never been comfortable at all with hiding my income from the govt, hiding the fact im not homeless, (like everyone else says to tell them--such as Vince and seattle irish) and i feel a lot better knowing i can support myself gambling. it makes me feel GOOD about myself. And goes along with my beliefs. SSI is a little different, because i feel EVERYONE who is disabled should receive that money, regardless of how much income they have, and its wrong to make u have under $2000 to get it. But what i dont believe in are welfare programs that go thru the govt burearcracies. they should be getting their help directly from rich people and churches without the govt being involved at all. Primarily this is what panhandling does. its up to everyone to choose whether to help or not, no one is forced. women with kids shouldnt be getting welfare, they should have to go out and find a man to help take care of them and get married. no wonder the marriage rate is so low and the only people getting married are gay people. i wouldnt be without a woman if this was the way life was, and this was always the way life used to be for hundreds of centuries. i could easily give a woman the same $200 a week to live with her im paying for rent and various miscellaneous expenses on my own. why do women let bums move in with them for free, and yet i cant find a good woman who will let me live with her when id be willing to pay what i could to help her out?

so yes, not knowing claudias mental and emotional state of health, i do not want to continue my SSI application, nor do i want Vince to take me to get medical care with welfare so i can get the diagnoses for autism that i need for a bus pass and for an atty to help me with my appeal. im too afraid of claudia and what she might do, because she wasnt willing to part on amicable terms, or talk to any of my friends, or email me to tell me i have nothing to worry about, and im worried she is going to try and get me in serious trouble with the govt purely out of hatred and revenge if i end up getting help simply because she knows too much. i dont know how much real hatred and bitterness she is harboring towards me on the inside since she isnt talking to taking my calls, but i fear the absolute worst since she wont respond. No one who is really a friend just sick of dealing with it all (Josie for instance) would let me suffer like claudia is doing. Josie wouldnt do that, she wouldve talked to lightning or grump if not me. Not so with Claudia, shes talked to NO ONE, and thats what is scaring the hell out of me. Im not able to get hooked up with social services like Claudia wanted me too because im too afraid to not knowing her state of mind anymore and no longer trusting her motives. She wasnt angry at first, and i trusted her completely, but not knowing if she is angry or not, im too paranoid. I wish i had the money to go get on the subway by her door and wait for her to talk to her so i wouldnt have to live the rest of my life in fear of what she might do. i wish i could feel comfortable knowing she will quietly go away, without her putting my life and safety in any more jeopardy than she already has. lightning told me she seemed "controlling" to him, (back from making me sign the contract, and telling me not to buy certain clothes at the thrift store when we were in there because she didnt like the color, and by telling me what i couldnt talk about in my blog for so long) Lightning himself is a college counselor, just like rachel, and is someone i trust 100%.

So if Vince is wondering why ive made no effort to bug him on getting me to that dr, thats why. i cannot take a risk of going to jail for someone telling the medical offices at the welfare dept that i am NOT homeless and have way too much income to qualify for medical assistance. Theres no telling what Claudia might be capable of, as much political power as she has being a woman of influence, and a published author. I think her intentions all along was to write an article as to why people with mental disabilities shouldnt ever be allowed to gamble, and i dont want to have to close down my blog worried about what claudia, or someone else, might say to someone. This blog means too much for me, and the readership is increasing no idea why, its up to over 1000 views a day now. I just wish i couldve known, that Claudia really cared about ME and not just about HER own comfort. This blog is such a great success story of the life of someone with aspergers, how they successfully make it in life just off gambling winnings alone, and how their life is so much better now than it was when i was sleeping outdoors in dubuque iowa with a sign on the side of the highway. and how they will someday be very rich.

I'm not going to put all that in jeopardy just to have the right to see a dr who can finally once and for all, give me the diagnoses of my autism/aspergers. i dont know for sure what the dr in KS said, mom dont remember who, and she originally said she learned i had it due to filling out forms by mail with an autism research place out in Cali. i do know when i got ssi in the past theyd said that was why i was getting it, but no idea why.

and now i must leave the house and get things done. wanted to hang out with pokerJohnny but he has dates with 4 different women, wtf, i cant even get one.