Sunday, November 19, 2017

why its so difficult for me to change

sad to admit, when i left the golden gate, i really was only down $1700 and i decided to go out to hoover dam lodge one last time instead of the strip to play BJ. i've won there almost every trip out there $500 or more. and a few hours after i was there, id had back all but $125 of what i was down for the night. then suddenly everything went wrong, and by the time i took the Uber back downtown and spent the rest of the night playing poker in the nugget, i really was down $3500. all because i couldnt quit while only down $125. then i lost over $200 in the poker room too, but in there i played pretty good, took a bad beat on the final hand when he hits the flush on the river. most of the time i was stuck very little in the poker room.

i went ahead and booked my plane ticket its leaving this afternoon and its nonrefundable of course. plus i booked 3 nights hotel for another $144 in the springhill suites. (not a bad hotel for this low of price). most would be much higher priced.

on the way to the airport ill need my uber driver to stop in the thrift store so i can buy me 1 more pair of used pants plus a coat or ill freeze.

its very difficult to not get incredibly angry at those who go out to the casinos to have a good time when u are unable to emphasize with that and relate to it because u never get to yourself because if u dont spend 100% of the time u are in there working instead of playing u wont be able to survive. $10 isnt much of an hourly rate and i sure miss the $20 per hour of some previous years. been living off previous winnings for some time now. if people were in my situation (some in vegas grinding away close to being broke are) theyd understand more why i get so mad at the lucky privledged few who dont sweat if they win or lose. nor bother to learn the correct way to win the easiest.

to relive stress, some people have a good woman in their lives they go home to every night. someone they know loves them and accepts them unconditionally (only if theyre black) and others dont have one because they dont drink, dont smoke weed, dont get high on meth, so women see them as killjoys and bigots who are no fun. especially if u dont know how to drive, are unable to learn how, and must stress over bills continually. and of course have a disability which makes u unable to socially relate to other people.

70 yrs ago (before world war 2) women cared more about mens feelings and accepted them as they are. my mom considers homosexuality one of the worst of sins just like God does and believed a womans place is in the home if she is married. she never once dated after my father died when i was 1, but of course then she worked a job to survive from time to time. plus got welfare and food stamps at times. mostly had to work though. but she wouldnt if she were married. a woman is supposed to be there for whatever her husband needs. if u read the Bible u will see what a blessing a wife is and what she is to be like.

nowdays if u dont support queer rights, u arent accepted in this world. it wasnt enough to want to get married, now that they have this, they want to force others who dont approve of their sinful life to participate in their weddings or be sued and lose their jobs and businesses. they bully people mercilessly, including me every time i ran away from home and hitchhiked by insisting i let them blow me. then others become homosexual as an adult because they were molested as a child. no gay people want someone over 18. all the gay men i ever met only wanted me if i were 15-19. no one since. but its only women who feel this way about homosexuality. many men still dont like it and its why men hide it while women want the entire world to know when theyre gay and they show it off by trying to be physically unattractive to men.

the problem is u cant risk the penalties of changing your beliefs. for if u do the Bible makes it clear u will spend eternity in hell. Its too bad God cares so much more about your sex life than how u get along with others. for if u try to get along with others, they wont accept u unless u give in and say God didnt mean what he said about gay sex being a wicked evil. but he is so focused on who u have sex with, u will end up like me without ever being with anyone and unable to physically no more due to poor health, but still wish u had someone to hug u kiss u and tell u they loved u and hold u close every night. knowing u will never get this because u wasted 20 yrs of your life and are now too old for the only women who have no issues or baggage but are way too far left. its no wonder Roy Moore preferred women much younger than him.

i will be so glad to no longer be in vegas for i do need a vacation away from here. i knew i wouldnt win forever in the golden gate, and im tired of high priced housing. and Uber fees too. no more paying $800 or so per month with Uber. i wish i could find me a normal landlord so id have far more towns i could settle down in long as a poker game exists.. but i cant trust anyone enough to not have me setup and murdered to tell them ive got over $16,000 in the bank still. (was alot more). if u let a random guy renting his house off the net know this, u are risking your life if u arent able to fight. and to think u might not be able to pay so they wont rent to u? this is laughable, for the only people who cant pay or wont pay their rent are those who are broke. not those with close to 6-12 months income in their checking account at all times.

Saturday, November 18, 2017

well i guess i wont be playing no more BJ in the golden gate downtown vegas, not after losing $3000

i woke up tonight in my room in the golden gate and decided to play some BJ (since the room is free, it is kind of rude and looks bad to the host who gave it to me if i dont play or play too low of stakes). and i wish id went by the bank of america and deposited cash on me so id been carrying less like i originally was going to yesterday. but being i had no coffee in the room (ive never understood or bothered to learn how to use the in room coffeemaker in most hotels) or no more bottles of water, i decided now would be a good time to sit so id get served quickly.

the first waitress told me she was only dropping off the order of the one older lady sitting alone (not counting me) on my table and goes home at 6pm, so the other girl would get my order. i decided to sit out on every running count of minus 1 or lower until i got a chance to order, so i wouldnt get heavily stuck while waiting on my drinks. not that this really helps since the bets in plus counts are so much bigger.

i'd only sat there instead of going straight to the nugget poker room so i could get free drinks very quickly. the BJ tables are usually where u get priority service.

the only good news to report is when the new girl came on 15 minutes later, right as i was getting ready to figure out which person would listen to a complaint and have the power to do something, (rare) she actually brought the drink with her since the other girl happened to tell her. so i was relieved i didnt have to order and then wait for her return. so i gave her $2 instead of $1. i felt she deserved it.

so i came across a good count (the running count hit +7 and increased from there deep enough into the shoe to bring the true count over +1) and started raising the bets. a hand of $19. (from $5 min). 2 spots of $20. 2 spots of $45. 2 spots of $100. and i kept losing every single hand. i sat out (even being the only player) if someone stood where they could watch if i won or not, saying i was superstitious about others watching me lose every penny i have to my name. when they walked on (or sat and placed a bet instead of just watched) i then got back in, i wasnt about to leave while stuck until the good count disappeared.

some of the hands i lost doubles or splits so i wasnt exactly doubling bets, sometimes i needed to go to 3x the bets or so. plus sometimes added on. 2 new guys sat (was by myself most of the time) seeing i was explaining to people i was losing my ass and would rather be alone. but its hard to reason with drunks who dont give a fuck about u or how ur feeling and what makes u happy all they want is to sit and bet $5 and to not do it at any other table than the one u are losing on. alcohol, just like drugs, should be illegal.

i lost 2 spots of $235, with a double, then 2 spots of $450. i was asked by 2 new guys (who didnt see the losses) how i was doing and if i minded them sitting and i told them exactly what i was thinking. dont ask if u dont wish to know. i told them i could care less if the dealer and his mother died in a serious car accident and i hoped they went broke, became homeless and lost everything they had because if it happened to me it should to them too. i told them how i felt about them hiring dealers who werent white and are foreignors and how it should be illegal cause its racist, because u shouldnt have to be asian to get hired. unfair to blacks, whites, etc and all non-asian peoples. i told them how my main goal was to make sure no one had a good time unless i was too, and how people should be executed for people watching and how rude it is, and especially if theyre just out to have a good time not caring how this would effect the others who take the game seriously. i told them how this casino should be burned to the ground and how i prayed it took place soon.

security honored my wish to leave before i lost the entire $4100 i left the room with, and they even assisted me in gathering up all my belongings in the room and escorting me off the premises so none of the others who mightve wanted to hit me did so. so there goes tonights free hotel room.

so tonight as i prepare to leave vegas and go back to toledo where i can start getting my life right with God so i wont be so angry and wont be playing no more BJ since its not low enough stakes there there is 2 things i wanted to do before i left town. 1 is to play in the aria since ive never been inside and i was told they might not even know of the ban since my beau rivage card isnt banned.

the other thing is to play $2-5 nl in the wynn with a $1500 buyin. ive never played this high in the wynn, except for the time i got the $500 $5-10 stake many years ago which i lost. maybe since its night ill win, i only know id lose during morning day shift in $1-3 most of the time. maybe buying in deep ill win. ive stayed over $10,000 for around 2 yrs now and i hope ill still be over that during tomorrows flight or maybe early morning flight. so im going to get the strip bus. first i locked the bags up in another casino so i wont need to haul them with me.

some of u might think ill be better off never playing BJ in the golden gate no more anyway. but even with tonights huge loss, i still came out up in the long run. primarily due to over $7000 in wins in january.

Thursday, November 16, 2017

I folded pocket Queens

Lets talk about emotional issues and how they effect EVERYTHING to do with ones poker results. since everyone knows about my bad fold of QQ preflop in the poker kraut vlogger westgate game and video. video of me folding QQ go to the 9.35 mark

everyone on my twitter (and even my Uber driver on the way home was asking me about my fold there, since he follows different poker vloggers) and im well aware now it wasnt the best fold, but once im up for the day (a significant amount meaning well over $100) its hard to continue playing my best because i get paranoid ill destroy the entire nights profit. now if im behind, i dont fear losing the money (but i should) so then i get too much in a hurry to either make coin flips or win a big pot to get unstuck. people in my game would be able to win much more against me if they kept track of how much im up or down.

i did eventually leave the westgate Kraut game with over $200 profit, but i couldve done much better there. but the second i get scared of losing it back, i need to go, immediately. which is why i dont think others should object to those hitting and running. no one should feel forced to sit when they feel too uncomfortable to play their best anymore.

i totally forgot about how the 7-2 bounty would cause many opponents to make much looser preflop raises with this particular hand, simply because im not as used to playing in tables with this bounty than some of his vlog readers. to me, big raises and then much bigger reraises represent real hands preflop. bets in last position, or made too often, or on someones straddle, represent garbage to me, and then sometimes i lose money when it turns out to not be so.

tonight i let emotionally upsetting things at the table affect me too and im out over $1700 tonight when i returned home. my moral sensibilities were offended due to the sheer number of women who were queer in my table and especially how rich the biggest offender was who kept talking about things she spent the money on and what shes planning to do with it. but then again i won $40 in this game, but i did give back alot of the win. but i did get to where i couldnt listen to the conversations of traveling overseas (how they could afford it being retired) and how they were "more enlightened"

so i left bored, to go play BJ in the golden gate, where i usually win. and i lost so much my host came by and i got him to give me this fri and sat nite free of charge. so maybe ill take the sun plane out of town instead of the thurs one. i've got 3 nites ive never used in silver 7 too, but thats weekdays only. often days arent available and are sold out.

too many players in my BJ game werent playing correctly, (annoys me) the loud music with dancers (annoys me) the fact they give them dog collars with their names to wear about their neck offends my moral sensibilities (annoys me) people smoking nearby (annoys me) new guy sitting too close to me instead of over in the other empty chair since i was playing 2 spots with 2 empty chairs. (annoys me). he comes in i have 2 big bets out there because its a good count and i lost multiple prior hands in a row. $275 and $275 bets. he gets dealt A7, dealer has 9 showing theres like 4 of us playing, his first hand. he wont hit like he should, then i double down on my 92, and get the A which wouldve given him 19 instead of the soft 18 he has now. then i hit my 12, (on my other hand that is) and bust with the face card which wouldve given me 21 instead of 12 if he wouldve took the ace. so i ended up losing 3 bets of $275 then i quit pissed off. i swear no one could be this dumb. i think the house at times gives shills money to play to try to fix things so good players lose and get too mad to think clearly. people say u should give others the benefit of the doubt, which i do, i give them the benefit of the doubt theyre not that fucking retarded and just trying to make us lose on purpose. (why i get so mad)

then i returned to the nugget, down over $1200-1300. sit back in a different game buy a massage and lose over $500 within an hour, not all on one buyin. but i had to get the uber quite a bit early. i start talking to him and he mentions he knows me from poker, asks if i watch any vlogs, then i find out hes seen my QQ fold.

only thing i enjoyed was the massage the black girl gave me who isnt usually working in there and the good looking girl in my BJ table in the golden gate who was with some other girl. surprisingly enough, the girl by me knew the correct way to play, noticed her friends errors and played much better than her friend. too bad i couldnt convince her to come to the nugget poker room, but she wanted to go eat.. she left before the big loss. now these 2 women definitely werent gay she actually liked men instead of hating them and was much better looking. for a moment i almost thought it was cdizzy, who ive not heard from today, no idea if her plane arrived.

yesterday me and alysia chang played omaha in the orleans but first she met seattle irish in the nugget. i left before she did and took uber because she just wouldnt quit the omaha game for nothing, no matter how tired. but i did win in the game $83. i think she never got unstuck her $250. i really appreciate the big favor she did me of storing my 50 christian books i never had time to read near all before my upcoming checkout fri morning or thrus nite this week. (tomorrow) now i can feel free to take the bus or plane without wondering what would become of these books i paid $60 for. we drove thru mc d and she bought the food since i didnt have change for $100 and i will return it in comps in the future somewhere.

Wednesday, November 8, 2017

poker in the nugget with the trooper plus BJ

well i havent played much but poker ever since i dropped down in the $15,000s. i guess thats one of the main reasons ive come back to just over $18,000. thank God i didnt have the big drop tonight, had too much in the game, but recovered my $460 earlier loss and eventually went home up $53 for the night.

the trooper was in my game for 2-3 hours earlier and hardly played a hand except for the poker grump 2-4 hand, where he flopped the wheel, and busted me when i shoved the nut flush draw. i expected 2 callers or more, but only he called. i thought id get better odds. i wasnt the preflop raiser and about 5 of us seen the flop for $12. i eventually quit the game down $460, long after he left. i caught myself making 2 really bad calls. i just couldnt quit with a loss, so i made the loss much bigger.

went to play some BJ, took $2500 out of the money behind the cage. seldom could raise my bet, so i bet quite low. never was down more than $500 nor up over $150. never saw any good plus counts except like 5 hands out of 200. i was just lucky in that i won a few key hands with doubles and splits. i wouldve won more were it not for my 45 minute massage at the table.

i was lucky in the golden gate too the day before. won over $150, and the other 3 off duty plaza dealers in the game were tipping so much the dealer colored up $150 in tips that hour too. there were like 10 of them off duty employees, most sitting in the bar. i dont think this bar has hookers. like the fremont bar, its just employees sitting.

but ive not played much BJ lately no more VBJ, or bitcoin BJ after those big losses. the only good VBJ in this area is so far outside boulder city its almost $40 to get there.

ive been using the bus more lately too, since uber isnt giving me discounts or lyft. and im doing a better job of waking up later, and going to sleep later.

when i returned to the $1-2 NL i brought the whole $2525 i left the BJ table with from my $2500 buyin. i eventually cashed out $3013. but i was down to $2250+ once. i won 2 key hands, one by sucking out. stole close to 3 smaller pots.

still wondering what will happen by nov 17 checkout, my time is rapidly running out. it will be quite difficult to be back over the $19,200 needed every time rent is up.