Wednesday, October 30, 2013

The day i get out of Jean, i immediately start doing a lot better

This blog post was composed on the free wifi at the Gold Spike (not to be confused with the Goldstrike in Jean.) Walked over here from the Nugget when the game broke, but i might go back, theres still 1 other table going, but i lost the draw for seats.

yeah im really disappointed by my last trip out to the Goldstrike. went with $2320, figured that would be plenty, and started off so well, being up to $2623 in the first few days. Then i started both a combination of running bad and betting too much, and too many spots, but the difference was this time the bets lost, and i quickly started going downhill rapider than i shouldve. (including about $60-70 in VP losses) and a few bets of $50-70 each which lost that i had no business making. otherwise, the loss in Jean wouldve been about 60% as much is all.

So, being down to only the $1700s and not wanting to be out any more cash staying longer or paying Vince, ill have NO comps there again now. Used all my $101 comps accumulated at the gas station, buying cartons of cigs, (and 3 single packs) and gave them to Vince for 3 days rent and transportation. and when i woke up late tonight after a nice long rest in a spare room all to myself, i paid him an additional $12 in cash to drop me off at the Golden Nugget.

After a bit of a wait, finally got a seat, and a short time later got moved to the seat i really wanted when a guy left pissed. (the 8 seat). the guy in seat 9, who waved when he went to the table, seemed to know me and said hed played with me before. His luck wasnt so good. an old time stud player. Anyway ive only been there about 1-2 orbits, and i look down at 79 suited in my BB and check my option. (thank God no one raised). Flop comes up 8T 2 with me flopping the open ended straight flush draw. Quickly i glance at the TV, and see the J hi straight flush is $330, and the Q hi is only $90. i never did see what the 10 hi wouldve been.

I bet $2 being first to act, and get 3 callers. turn comes J clubs for straight flush. I bet $5, guy in seat 1 raises to $12, and then the guy in seat 6 (whose got a king hi flush) raised another $20. i then make it $52, and seat 1 folds, and seat 6 calls. river comes 7 (thank God its not the Q to lower the payout) and i shove what little is left of my $100 and he calls quickly and at the end of the hand, after tipping Meg $12, i have $558 in front of me.

But i keep playing, and i wonder if not leaving immediately is a serious err in Judgement. not too many had me covered, and table breaks soon and its best for me it did. i lost the draw for a seat on the other game, which im sure was a good thing.

Reason i went ahead and bet the straight flush on the turn, was i felt id make more betting it, and even if they fold i dont care because then i dont worry about the wrong card coming to screw up my $330

Also i think until i do a better job of playing LESS spots on the VBJ, (or finding a way to use Kimlees method of eating up neg cards, then 1 hand only) and have at least 3k to work with, i think i should stay out of Jean til then. i do feel though, i lost quite a bit more than i shouldve, but sometimes u dont see just how much the bad variance can be on VBJ

I was quite lucky to increase my buyins from 17 NL buyins to 22. thats still very dangerous, and ill never feel safe til i have about 40. and after that i need to start work on raising the buyin amounts til i slowly hit 40 buyins of 300. But even with them few buyins, i still think im better off playing NL instead of $2-6 spread, and also better off playing LIVE than online. Being back at Vinces though, i would have the option to check out the omaha on UP that i couldnt from Jean.

Friday, October 25, 2013

In case anyone is wondering why im back in Jean

tired of all the people around Vinces house, and tired of walking home at night from the busstop, or paying more for a ride there than what the rental cost is. its a bit of a walk. Just want to be by myself for a while and relax, and besides ive never had nearly this high of roll before to play the machine in Jean. the times i did have a high roll to play VBJ were machines not nearly as good in payback and comps, with the 1 exception of the lucky club promo while it lasted.

Its nice being somewhere where im NOT a burden to anyone. I just discovered cooldave no longer has the same phone, so i hope he didnt think i was a burden calling and texting 1-2 weeks ago on the weekend hoping to go play at the same casino. worried Josie thought that for sure. SI never arranges a time for us to go play, nor does Grouchie. Vince cant afford to play any poker himself. Poker Johnny never tries to contact me. nor does stack, double bubble, or others i used to hear from long ago in vegas like donkeytax Ian and zippy.

i could live in Jean forever if i dont get SSI and never be a burden to any friends, govt or the tax payers. without worrying about going broke. But i would get exceptionally bored if im here for too long, being no live poker and the only poker i can play is online bovada from the room. remember, i cannot access UP here, so ive still not tried out the new omaha yet.

but the main reason im here is im ashamed of my lack of discipline, insomuch as staying off the poor paying 1c2c5c etc spin poker machines with the 96%-98% paybacks. at least here in Jean all the money im running thru the VBJ is getting a much higher rate of return, and overall seems like im ahead about $175 on the VBJ since arriving in Jean. as long as i can play the VBJ and arent stuck really heavy for the day---theres NO temptation to run over to the VP machine for a break.

have heard the VBJ (other kind) exist in reno at gold dust west, one place in carson city where id also love to play a bit of poker for the first time, and also in elko. i didnt know about elko. i dont know whats cheap to live in elko, u try and look up craigslist rent ads, they always list only places hundreds of miles away cause no one reads elko.

got an offer for $19 rooms weekdays and $29 weekends with NO resort fees at the Pioneer in laughlin, but considering how much better ive done at $1-2 NL than $2-6 spread limit, and the fact my rolls doubled from when it was around $1000, ive decided i dont really want to go play poker at the riverside. Only logical reason to go there would be if i was taking one of them really nice $400-500 monthly apts Mc Gee used to have thats really nice and safe. But i dont think i could get approved to move in.

and i bought some bread, honey and peanut butter among other things on the way to Jean, but a jar of peanut butter dont last long, and it makes sandwiches a lot more expensive than u would think they would be. one thing that would make my stay here tremendously more enjoyable sometime in the future when im in far better shape would be not just a car of my own, but a REFRIGERATOR of my own i could own, id never want to waste the $10 a day fee.

mom is sending my attys secretary something she wanted the judge to see. sometimes i wonder if i should go there NOW for 10 days before my nov 15 meeting with my atty, just to get an uptodate drs assessment of me from the same dr mark sees she said wouldve helped me get ssi if i lived in KS, but hes not yet met me. its  a different dr than the last time. the old one wasnt much help.

id really like to play a little poker over this weekend, so make some offers and tell me how much u need for gas, but it cant be an exorbitant amount that would make it nearly impossible to win.

and one final reason i wanted to go to Jean--i feel at home here.  But if i lose $500 or more ill get right out of here, so i wont drop to as low a ceiling as i did last time when i was down to about $1350 when i left.

so far, im up about $175 on the VBJ, and have a roll of $2499, along with about $95 on bovada.

Tuesday, October 22, 2013

A good day--maybe because all i played was NL holdem, and no machines

New roll $2251, plus $32 on Bovada. I won a little this time off tonights $20 deposit. originally i thought my roll was $2257, but i found my Walmart debit card at minus $6 instead of at $0 before i deposited the $300 when i logged in online to look at my balance, so my $300 is really $294. i didnt realize those cards got negative balances.

I never touched a machine all day long, but i did hear the Gold Dust west in reno has a shufflemaster VBJ, not sure if this is true though. heard it from an eldorado dealer named Curtis in my SNG on bovada. An old man whose been dealing there 32 yrs. and he knew about the dealer who got fired for setting up the deck, and Jerry the union boss.

Started off the afternoon a little bit after 1pm playing $1-2 NL at the golden nugget downtown for $100. won a nice pot when the board was AK4, we all check, turn comes J to give me the nut straight, i bet $5 after 3 checks, and 3 people call. 3 of diamonds (no flush possible) comes on the river, and i bet $25. one young asian check raises me to $50, and here i am worried all will fold. i shoved for about $140 total, and he called me so fast i sure thought we were splitting but he rivered a set of 3s.

felt i had too much on the table, so i did the right thing by going to the bank, depositing $141, and then to the Gold Spike to use the free wifi. the really nice thing is they have nice couches and chairs to sit on, and are loaded with electrical outlets everywhere. spent an hour or so there. Later i came back to the golden nugget, and sat back down with $100.

first hand, i turn my $100 into $187, i had KQ hearts, raised to $8 in late position before id even got my chips delivered, a guy calls. flop comes AT3 with 2 hearts, and guy bets $15 into me, i just call. turn comes J for both the flush and the straight, but NOT the royal. and this may sound DUMB, but i forget who made the turn bet. anyway, the river comes J, pairing the board, and he goes allin for $55 and i worry he sucked out, i call and no all he has is an ace.

at one point i get it up as high as $299, but eventually cash out with $241 or something close to that.

got on the bus to the stratosphere, and theres NO game, only a tourny, odd for that time of the evening and rarely happens. so i then ride the bus to the LVH, (different bus).

Talked to Mark, and he is glad i changed the title of that blog post from the other day. he also wanted me to mention the new stud game they will be offering fri nites there. thats not the best time to do it because Palace station is also starting it up fri nites. but i was told theyd also offer it sat nites too. its $5-10. Originally i thought the ante was 50c at palace and $1 at the LVH, but just today i found out from Mark its 50c there too, so i just now corrected and reupdated the blog.

anyway i win $249 in there, and eventually ride home with Vince for $12 gas, and stop at walmarts to buy food on the way. even though id bought a daily bus pass, still much more convenient. won a lot of the moolah on a call preflop with the worst hand, KJ suited on an $8 raise preflop. flop comes KJ2 rainbow, and both opponents have KQ and KA, and the money starts going allin. so was it a good call for $8 preflop?

nice to see the roll increase to $2251 from $1629 all in the same day. Keep that up, and id never worry about whether the SSI would be approved, plus id feel a lot better about myself.

Friday, October 18, 2013

finally some poker comment, my rolls much better than my last blog post, and thanks to MIB

and besides the things in the title of the blog post, last but not least is my SSI hearing coming up before a judge on Nov 20th. kind of forgot about this, not expecting it to be til mid 2014, but its coming up and i see my atty on nov 15. i need to call him, give him my new cell, and see if anyones testimony can help instead of waiting til nov 15. hopefully the disc he got from SSI with the records will include the old records in KS about what the old judge said when i got approved originally for SSI, and whatever testimony he got. not sure why i got approved much easier there, i still wish i had moms help. im just glad Vince was able to get that letter. Not that it will do any good, but we could be talking about a few thousand dollars so i should take this seriously. maybe even spend $100 on a local dr if it would help but no idea who id go see and how it would help.

whats not in dispute isnt the fact of the aspergers, but its my ability to work--thats why i feel others testimony would help about how every job i ever had i couldnt keep and lost very quickly. also it looks to others i was successful at poker and didnt need the SSI--and i really wasnt nearly as successful as i shouldve been. (due to the aspergers causing me to make many poor decisions with managing money).

So Benny from RTP and i played poker today at the stratosphere, and i have some hand histories to post. also we met MIB when he got off the bus by the stratosphere and came inside. happy to say hes found a job at another hotel as a desk clerk, and he also went with me and vince by his storage and gave me another laptop case since id broke the handle on the one i had. Which i was very glad to get and it was quite nice of him, so i guess hes not mad anymore.

Found out Carmen might be free by dec, which surprises me, but i feel bad i never wrote and it was all because i didnt have an address to get mail at and vince didnt want her knowing his address. so that means i still got no address to write her at. shes moved to another prison, although i think its really a halfway house.

am happy to report my rolls up to $2079, and that the wins have actually been coming from poker the last couple of days, instead of from VBJ. even played some HU plo for a brief period to keep the game alive.

Hand 1. I lose my $50 buyin, and rebuy $76 i had in oddball change. id won a pot, and then shortly thereafter i start the hand with about $142 i think, and i get dealt JJ and raise it preflop to $15 with multiple limps ahead of me (why i raised it so much instead of like $8-10). Archie (old man with asian wife) a very good regular calls on my left, and a couple others. flop comes 9JK rainbow, and one of the callers on my right bets $25, and i shove, thinking the pots big enough for me. archie calls, and that scares me, thinking surely he has KKK since he called preflop. but no, he has 999 and my JJJ holds up. i knew he had AA beat if he calls, so i was a little worried, and quite relieved to see 999.

Hand 2. i have AJ spades, and limp UTG. its limped around and then raised to $8 and we called, and the flop is 9TJ rainbow. Raiser bets i forgot the amount, i call, and a guy shoves, and the raiser calls. i feel its an easy fold, and the shover won the pot with JQ and i folded the winner. i fear the reason i folded is because i had over $300 in front of me, and was afraid of losing it back. the guy who shoved had about $150 and the caller had like $75. i never saw the callers hand but was surprised he couldnt beat JQ.

shortly after that i quit, and i came back an hour later with $50.

Hand3. i had my $50 ground up to $193, part of it won at PLO HU. the guy was a terrible fish from europe and so was another guy who quit. they were so bad Benny decided to sit and play. heres the hand i want to discuss. a black guy had recently sat, named steve, which he made sure i knew, along with his girlfriend. i had QK and raised to $9 preflop both of them called. flop comes 95J, they check and i check in last position, because i know they will call loosely. turn comes Q, he bets $20, she calls, i bet $70, hes allin for about the same amount, and she folds, he has J5 for 2 pair. and after losing that pot i quit.

Tuesday, October 15, 2013

From Vinces house

ive been getting in plenty of hours lately playing LIVE for a change, instead of online or instead of sitting around in Jean, etc. Not really all that thrilled with the results however, a lot of times id start out slow, never get ahead very much, and eventually either quit down part of the buyin, or end up losing the whole buyin. also i dont think i play as tight as i used to. u see i know i should fold KQ suited when its raised, and yet ive got into trouble a few times because i didnt fold it. also i seem to have actually done worse in loose games than tight games and thats sure wasnt the case in cali, they rake it differently so in cali u NEED a loose game.

But yesterday i had a WIN at TX station finally, a BIG win that is, not these $20 and under wins. at one point i was up $152, and when i left, i was still up $79 (plus $18 in my cashback id redeemed). Once i started losing some back all i could think of was getting out of there, so i called Vinces friend Jay and he came picked me up while he went to cash in his sports ticket. new roll is now $1489. and if i had the same deal of a place to stay out in cali id much rather be playing there in Pechanga.

yeah the roll hasnt gone up much at all since leaving Jean, and the free slot play was a large part of the increase. sometimes i think id be better if i had a sufficient roll to grind there in Jean instead of playing poker but id have to be more disciplined about cutting back on the number of spots and thats hard, because i dont want to spend over twice as many hours for the same amount of comps. But if i did have a larger roll to work with (lets say 3k, about twice what i have now) im sure id do a lot better at poker too, (id feel more comfortable playing longer with bigger amounts on the table, like $200 once my stacks doubled up) and i think id stayed longer last night at tx station instead of feeling the need to get out of there when id gave back quite a bit of the win, u see it was a good game at tx last night.

and as far as the omaha goes, id still like to play it more, but i just dont want to play it 4-8 too expensive of blinds, sams town does have it 2 days a week now instead of 1, ($3-6). was going to play at suncoast yesterday then realized it wasnt the omaha day but the stud day. Yeah the plan to go elsewhere is kind of on hold, i dont want to be without a place to stay at all. would like to be able to save up money while living at vinces, if i cant save up money here with my expenses cut way down, how would i ever save up money anywhere?

and speaking to other poker players seems im not the only one who keeps losing lately. Vinces roommate keeps losing, and so do others. also it seems online poker in NV wasnt nearly as popular as they thought it would be either.

and im sad to report that had i not wasted $49 on VP the other day trying to get even id have won more. but when i played VBJ the other day while in my free room at Circus for 3 days, it really helped in recovering poker losses. VP sure treats me worse than VBJ, and i know why its because low multi denomination machines have worse paybacks.

Thursday, October 10, 2013

Cocksuckers and motherfuckers (me) in the new LVH poker room

theres a huge bathroom inside the LVH poker room, which is nice, and some fairly decent promotions, but theyre not easy to hit. i just walked back to my room out $119 and pissed as hell. I better have another good score in the slot tourny in 40 minutes. Then i might get back $25 or so in free play, sure as hell wouldnt win the $5000 for 1st.

i wonder what RobVegasPokers report will say about the room, it might be a little nicer, although it wouldve been nice had he mentioned the bathroom. Also the Greg who deals there swears he isnt the Greg whose whitcolumn.

My counselor who gave me the shitty advice (which is why i stopped going) said to write down a diary of my feelings (she just didnt say to publish it) so here goes. am still upset Josie thinks i stopped going because i got the package, that had nothing to do with it, i just didnt think her advice was any help. (the counselors advice)

Yeah the game there is $4-8 with $1-2 blinds which isnt a bad deal. about 20 qualify for the freeroll last week for 25 hours play, and they chopped it $190 each is what Luis told me last night. Which isnt bad per hour in earning if u dont lose ur motherfucking ass trying to get the hours in like i did.

Nothing but grinders and 2 possible tourists in there, a man and a wife, and they were about the only losers besides me. and one of the riv regulars who knew me was out about $50. a lot of them most all, only are there for the freeroll. Looks like they are having the same crowd and problem as the riv.

hand 1#

lets start with the hand i remember best the final hand. had about $32 left. had KT clubs, called $6 preflop and the flop was AJT with a royal draw. so i raised and he reraised. turn comes 7 clubs nut flush, and i raise allin. river comes J and he says i wont like this, and im already clenching my phone and glasses so tight as im walking off i almost break them as he shows the boat. that pot wouldve really helped.

hand 2#.

this hand was early on. i had AJ, raise preflop get one caller. flop comes A34, and he check raises me. turn comes A, (and he bets instead of trying a checkraise). so im thinking that means he thinks i have a pocket pair instead of an ace, and i just call. river he puts me allin (i was already very short off my first buyin of $40 before i rebought $79) and he has AQ.

hand 3#.

i had KQ suited, and get raised to $6 preflop. flop comes K89 and i check/call all the way and he has AK, nothing scary comes and i dont remember the exact cards, but the 8 did pair the river.

hand 4#

had the same KQ suited, and flop is 233 with 4 diamonds. turn comes 9 offsuit, and i call another $8 bet. river comes J dia, i check raise, and asian girl whose the guys wife has Ace hi flush and she only calls. i thought she mightve hit flush on the river, but odds are hers is smaller and maybe she only bet cause we all check.

and im sure i lost some smaller less significant ones too. too pissed off to play anything right now, and have no time, slot tourny starts back up 3.45pm and u need to be there 10 min early. im not sure what ill play later and where i should play, but i got out of there mad as hell and came to my room to blog about it to calm myself down. and of course all everyone will do is criticize my play. probably shouldnt called KT suited for $6 but it is a limit game and i was already out over $80. i also can play on Bovada cause ive still got $22 of my last $20 deposit and its also been quite a while since i sold my last ad.

so how do i avoid getting mad? the money means way too much to me cause the stakes are so high. $119 is a ton of money if ur roll is $1435. and now its only $1316. Im lucky its that, if it wasnt for the free $100 i found on my slot card, it wouldnt be that. How can i lose that much in such a tight $4-8 game? no wonder i hate fixed limit, i think that size of a loss was very unusual?

probably i should say FUCK ALL PROMOS and just look for games with tourists? or should i be taking advantage of freerolls and promos? i get conflicting advice all the time, no idea what pokerdogg is talking about when he says i should know what to play

Tuesday, October 8, 2013

Im busy working if u wonder why ive not been around posting much

playing a lot in places without free wifi, and i cant use my OLD smart phone without it. and ive got to get my hours in, much more so than ever before since im playing LIVE again instead of online. came back from Jean with $1354, (after net and cell both taken care of) and at one point was down to $1199 sunday night. Woke up about 4am, wanted to go to TX station, but wouldve been very inconvenient trying to get a bus over there, so instead i took the express bus into downtown and just got off at the nugget, not even knowing if theyd have a game since they arent on bravo.

they did, $1-2 NL and i got very lucky to at one point be up to $242 off my $100, and managed to cash out while still at $191. i think if i could only afford to play that game everyday, and not feel the need to cash out while up, id never have to worry about my bills again, but i think the min roll is really $3000 that i need and not $2000. its funny because when i was in my early 20s id think of $1000+ as a quite large roll that would last forever, but of course being older now im a lot smarter.

so then i rode the fremont shuttle over to samstown, (better than the city bus) and played there all day. Wouldve played longer but if i wanted to ride home with Vince and not deal with MULTIPLE transfers, i had to leave when he was driving around nearby, so i did, about 7pm. They actually started an omaha8 game around 5.40pm, very rare for a monday night. most of the day i was playing $2-6 spread limit holdem, and was up over $100 for the day, plus got the $25 off Mike when he bought the remaining 5 packs of cigs id got with comps out in Jean.

so i paid Vince $40 of what i owed him for living here, and now have $1362, still got the money i left Jean with. But ive made no progress either.

the Suncoast, where i played the day before, and saw cooldave there, i lost $153 in, and i would be up for the trip had i just played only poker, and not had $76 of the $153 loss on the machines trying to get it back. i would give anything to break that bad habit.

also starting wed i will have a little bit of privacy. got an offer for a free slot tourney, $25k guaranteed, totally free for me, with 3 nights room. so ill have my own room, wed thurs and fri nights. been a long time since any casino sent me a good offer. no slot play included though. i certainly dont expect to end up with making any money out of it, the odds would be highly remote, but its free and i can use the room a lot more than the tourny. nice it included a friday night, so i set up with my reservation to make sure they wouldnt be full.

afterwards, im still considering the idea of going to KS on the train, also ive got offers to go to reno from the craigslist ad, 2-3 of them, from people seeming genuine and trustworthy, just got to decide if being up there would be a good idea, sure i could live on my own and cheap, but i dont think the games are any good there.

The only way to get the roll back up there, is to find a game thats beatable for $4-12 an hour, and put in an awful lot of hours doing NOTHING but grinding that game. ideas on which game in vegas to play and any promos i dont know about places im not banned at would be appreciated. wouldnt mind knowing about reno and phoenix and cali promotions either. maybe i should go back to cali, better games and i can win there, but id need another sleeping bag. i dont want to go back to playing on Bovada unless my roll got extremely small again.

Thursday, October 3, 2013

well i guess its time to get on out of Jean, and back to playing live poker (much easier than online) while im still up a little bit since coming to Jean

wasnt going to do it til i had a loss of $400 or more, and for a long time it looked like it would never happen. id been happy if id passed $2500 before it ever happened, and at one point it looked like i might. i was up to $2265 at most, and then was winning about $100 on the machine too, but that was in the middle of an exceptionally high count where i couldnt stop while ahead then, nor could i lower my bets. and by the end of the shoe i wasnt ahead anymore.

the good news is right now, with my final small win, and new roll of $1686, im still up over $400 on VBJ since coming to Jean and thats not too bad for 10+ days of playing it, and getting a room everyday too. ive lost 5 small deposits on Bovada and another $215 in live poker at southpoint since coming here though. For some reason that day Benny didnt want anyone knowing on RTP that he was in Jean, so he had me keep it quiet on RTP that day it was him, but now its ok to mention it since hes long gone out of this area. hell we both lost big at southpoint that day.

dont really feel like making a blog post, am not in the best of moods after such a big drop, (i was hoping when i took the big drop id still have close to $2000 left). also before tomorrow i got to pay virgin mobile $30 too so i dont lose my phone, since its prepaid ill have it shutoff immediately so it MUST be paid, same as the net had to be paid. they arent monthly contracts anymore. and thats why monthly contracts are PREFERABLE to prepaid.
so instead--ill have this guest blog post by MIB (man in black) that was originally supposed to be in the comments section of the OLD blog. i asked Josie if i should publish it or not, and she told me i should give MIB time to cool off, but never answered about whether to publish it, i told her to login, and look, and use her judgement, but i guess she never did. i left the decision whether to print this totally up to her--but she gave no word one way or the other.
and heres the blog post-------------------------------------

    1. Well it looks like I got an email from TBC. Here is what it said

      TBC Email:

      I went to find ur facebook page, (because id been feeling like since u like Johnny Cash, i must of misjudged u--and felt like i should forgive u) for the Bible tells us if we do not forgive others, and hold grudges when we feel we were mistreated, God will not forgive us. I dont know how u feel about Jesus, but i was going to go to ur facebook page to find out. Was quite disappointed when i couldnt find u on there, u must of removed me when u got mad. Looked thru lightnings friends list too, didnt see u, so i figured u must of blocked me off facebook entirely for u to not even show up there.

      Truth is, im not really afraid u were going to harm me and take my money--its just that u could physically do it and that worried me. ive always resented the fact i dont know how to defend myself. i wouldnt have this terrible fear of minorities if i just knew how to defend myself. But that certainly dont mean that u would--just because u could.

      I've been judging u harshly because of that day at Samstown. were it not for it, id have seen u the same as everyone else, and really appreciated and welcomed ur help. (various offers u made to me). Something just rubbed me the wrong way that day, since i was in need of money, found $20 on a VP machine, pointed it out to u, and u took it all for urself and refused to share it with me when i was the one who seen it and told u. Made me feel u were more desperate for money than me, and wouldnt hesitate to screw me if u got a financial benefit out of it, and been afraid to get close to u since. I felt like the only reason u didnt give me my half was because u knew u could beat me up if i insisted. And that made me afraid of u ever since.

      But God dont want me to judge u, condemn u or to carry the anger and bitterness around anymore. U are a good man, uve made multiple offers to help (me being paranoid too afraid to ever accept because i hadnt spent time with u getting to know u as a friend, (so id feel secure and safe). U arent as bad off as i worried u were, and if u were going to do something wrong to come up with a large sum of money so u could be back in action, u wouldve done it long before now. So i shouldnt worry about this.

      i hope u realize my aspergers makes it very difficult to see things in the same light as others do, and i didnt feel like i was being unreasonable towards u. But now that ive talked to close friends, and had time to think things over, i realize now that im been dumb, and silly, and i hope u can see it in ur heart to forgive me too. A person without a mental disorder probably wouldnt have worried the way i did. its just that most all ur offers involved u either being around me when i had money, finding out my address, or me being in a room in ur name. But i worry that with everyone--and i probably shouldnt. i wonder how many other good friends other than u i pissed away.

      i need to get out of Jean and into vegas soon before this $2000 goes down to $1400 or less, it almost did a few hours ago. im not sure where ill be living, probably with Vince so i feel safe, or somewhere downtown or on Boulder hwy again. the stratosphere game sucks too bad to live around there at one of the 2 places near there. But it would be nice to see u next time im at the stratosphere, and to apologize more effectively, ill take u to eat at the mcdonalds, burger king or carls Jr by there. I wish the stratosphere wouldnt got rid of their even money nickel VBJ, but im sure its for the best.

      I really would like to see u get into playing poker again. i would like to find one guy i could hang out and play poker with a large portion of the time, and everyone goes to places i cant, or has no interest. i hated seeing ur blog go too.

    2. My Response:

      The reason you couldn't find me is because after you kept messaging my friend Tiffany, I removed and blocked you. And in regards to I could possibly harm you, hell TBC my 12yr old daughter can harm you also. You aren't that strong. And in regards to the $20 left in the machine. You didn't point it out to me. I saw it while I was standing with you on my own. And if you resent me for not giving it to you that is fine, but to tell you the God's honest truth I ended up turning it in. I know I told you that I kept it but in reality I gave it to a security guard at Sams Town named David Kelley. He is a friend of mine from way back and I knew he would turn it in to lost and found. 90 days after turning it in I got a call that no one claimed it and the $20 was mine to keep. I claimed the money from Lost and Found and used it towards food for my household.

      Yes I understand that your Aspergers makes you see things differently then others. I have 3 Autistic Nieces so I understand it somewhat. However being told by you that you feel I am gonna rob and harm you just shows me that my friendship is not needed or wanted by you. Saying NO to an offer is one thing TBC, but to call me outright a criminal is fucked up.

      I would love to play poker and get back into action also but I don't have a Bankroll for it. Hell even if I had $1,000 I would be able to get started. But with being on unemployment and barely scraping by I prioritize how my money gets spent. And food and a roof over my head is way more important then sitting down at a poker table.
    and thats the end of his letter---and i wrote him back again after that but heard nothing the final time, although he did send one more letter. he wont be upset with me posting this, since it was his idea to post on the blog in comments, this was what he wanted posted.

    its just i felt bad for not trusting him for so long--and thought i did the right thing by surprising him sending a letter off apologizing out of the blue. in fact lightning and Josie said i did do the right thing, and said if i did things like that more often id have more friends and get more positive feedback. What i dont understand is why me sending him a letter telling him how bad i felt made him more upset, (at least it seemed like it did)