changes needed in my life

 im going to keep this very brief, because its very difficult to type from my phone instead of my laptop and ive never done it before. 

after a few small wins today, and after getting back about $1000 from coinroyale management (because im such a GOOD customer for having well over 10k in online losses in a few months) for the error i made i told u about in my last blog, i got a partial compensation for hitting the wrong button. they said they normally never do it but they made an exception for me. 

so i was back to about 26 and a half and am now at 24k

i came home, thinking i wasnt winning nearly enough to get this roll back up, and i did what ive always been doing at home for hours for 1-3 months. (play and martingale BJ online. and i couldnt figure out how to stop myself). the min bets are only about 3c worth of bitcoin which makes martingaling 5 hands at once so easy. 

the vast majority of the drop from 57k to 24k was online BJ. more than any other issue. its an addiction i couldnt control. 

after losing 2200 (all of my bitcoin) i made an extremely rash decision out of rage. i went and threw both of my laptops off a high bridge into the water to prevent someone from finding them and deleting my bank accounts. 

how else can i prevent myself from nonstop gambling in the room?

i wont be able to publish any more blogs. for this took about 2 hours to type on the phone when it would been done in 10 minutes online. and ill be online much less. probably for the best. i cant stand typing from a cell phone. all my time will be spent playing at the live poker table til im too tired to do anything but sleep. just like when i was 21-25 and healthy. 

Monarch Blackhawk trip report.

 let me talk about a couple of hands of poker that would drive anyone up the wall. I had been playing for hours with $100, was up $30 early on, and had eventually added money a few times and id been there 4-5 hours and was in the game for $293, then $393.

i called a raise from the blinds with 44 in a 4 way pot and flopped a set on a board of Q54 with 2 spades. i felt the lady who raised probably had a big hand because she hadnt raised much, and was out of position. she bet $35, one guy called, so i shoved my last $200-300. i wouldve been glad to end it there, because i was anxious to go eat. and just taking down the dead money wouldve cut enough off the loss to go. 

when she called, i was praying she had AA and not AK of spades. (2 outs instead of 9). the other guy showed a Q then folded. and u know what she did have AA. and then the dealer dealt 3 2 for the turn and river. 

i wouldve left immediately but i wanted to wait for my blind. so i rebought $100 and 2-3 hands later this happened. i tried a $6 button straddle and figured id quit in one more round. i got dealt KJ offsuit and one other player made it $15 and i called and one other player. 

flop comes 7JK offsuit and the original raiser bets $30. i felt obligated to shove the $100 and prayed they didnt have a set. and they didnt i was ahead. (until the ace hit the turn of course). i did leave then. 

i came back to my room, ate, and played a little BJ online with the $3800 i had in bitcoin. my bitcoin had been increasing in value all week long, by several hundred dollars, about $300 in winnings and about $500 more by the recent uptick in the price of bitcoin. 

i was martingaling the bets and getting down quite a bit but on that final hand i had 5 hands out and got dealt 55 on the first hand against the dealers 2. i accidently hit the wrong button (biggest mistake of my life) and SPLIT instead of double down, and immediately got a 10 on both hands. out of my 5 hands, i only had 1 good hand of 20 in all the hands and did not take any other hits. 

dealer turns over J, then 6 for 18 and i lost on 4 of the 5 hands, and then i withdrew $1100 (which was what was left of the $3800). and put the 1100 back in my bitcoin ewallet. 

had i not took that extra 10 on accident, dealer wouldve turned over J, then 10 for a bust card, and id have won all 5 hands, and then i couldve withdrawn about $4300 instead of $1100.

ive never in my life made that error before playing online blackjack and it was probably all due to listening to Bob Neresians podcast about BJ advantage play while playing, and the earlier poker loss might had me sidetracked. 

only got $38 left online of the $82 i had the poker money online up to once a few days ago too.

so now my live bankroll is about 27600 which is the lowest its been in about 75 years. i still need to fly out of denver,  to somewhere its cheap. 

i dont want to play nothing other than omaha ever again. no no limit, no bj. i won over 1100 in omaha the first 2 nights i was here. 

but it doesnt go everyday. wed and fri