Thursday, November 29, 2012

meeting up with old friends this weekend, why else would i come to vegas?

Friends like lightning, grouchie, and poker Johnny, all people whove done at least something to help at one point, and have probably all gotten mad at one point. also i dont really know Rob, but i understand he will be there too. Wish Josie wouldve came, but since she closed down her blog, maybe she no longer qualified to play in it.

as u know the only poker game i can afford is the $1-5 early morning stud game at sams town, ($2-4 limit which i wont do because the rake isnt beatable in the opinion of most experts) and the $2-6 spread limit game at TX station. So i am NOT going to vegas to play poker, and also i will not be playing any machines while in vegas, (except to claim my free play at a couple places). if u see me playing anything else, u are welcome to everything i have in the machine. (applies to las vegas only)

so then why am i going to vegas then for 3 nights? well i needed to check out after 28 days, but not really since the manager offered to let me extend it. also i needed to wash my laundry really bad. and its extremely important i put $200-300 into my bank account so i can cover fees and bills taken out and deposits.

of course i dont have all the money in cash either, about $500 of it is still on the walmart debit card too. but i am down to less than $200 in the bank. am still holding onto over $1300, and had i not bought $40 worth of lock poker money from vook this morning, id still be in the $1400s. im happy to report ive not played a sng over $5 today, and its up to $65 on lock now. this will give me a way to play poker in the privacy of my room in vegas since i wont be able to do anything else once my chores are out of the way. also i need to load up on about $20 worth of cheap roman noodles to bring back here after the weekend, i can heat them up with the coffepots they have in the bathrooms in the room.

i truly believe that if i played live $1-2 NL poker in vegas (even buying in with only $50, it would be so stressful on me mentally--if it was my own money that is--id lose every buyin) and thats why i wont do it. Isnt the whole goal of this exercise to teach me discipline and bankroll management? and to not try and rush winning? i dont think most people realize how badly my life would deteriorate if i lost my one place i can stay at without paying cash, or the rest of the $1300. but if i doubled the $1300 it wouldnt really change all that much.

i do think i can grind up at least $1000 profit online lock before new years however, and im certainly looking forward to doing it. i feel like its going to be what will save me. also im playing more at a time (except now when im typing up this blog and only playing 2 at a time). earlier today i was in 5 at once.

Thanks so much to poker Johnny, he is going out of his way to do me a very big favor and i so appreciate it, otherwise i dont know how i would get around. i am taking him out to eat with comps too. i'll possibly end up doing the same with lightning too.

like poker Johnny, i value the friendship of lightning very much and im glad he will have use of a car. i just hope he understands everything ive told him in private. I also trust him too, along with Johnny. i still wish he would get a better phone, i dont understand SMS or what it really means, and until pokerdogg commented about how twitter works, it seemed logical if u can get on twitter u can get online, and i thought he didnt realize if he was online he could get his mail. Guess he wont see the email i sent him.

I'll be playing a TON of online poker over the next month, besides earning my room and breaking about even on the VBJ each day and that will take about 4 hours a day on a weekday and about 10 hours a day on a saturday. am up about $200 cash in the 3 weeks ive been following the bankroll rules. (not counting comps). George has assured me i wont go broke if i dont overbet. but he also says even a guy spreading $1 one hand to 5 spots $100 each, would only get $60 an hour long run by counting (not factoring in alot more than that in comps). not the George who posted but a different george, he plays VP machines for a living and is a very wealthy man. actually he scours all the casinos all over NV for anything he finds that is plus EV, kind of like herbie and online sportsbooks.

but playing that machine IS NOT going to be what recovers my bankroll. all its going to do is keep a roof over my head while i do everything else. what i win at it will be very small, the $200 i am up in cash is quite a bit more than my expected EV was.

at least a year from now when all is said and done ill be so glad i learned not to overbet my edge and to have found my patience and discipline. and im so glad ill never be playing any of those vegas and laughlin VBJ machines again with the worse paybacks and comps.

and i am so glad Pete got me here this summer too, without it id have never got to attend my own meets, too bad koala disappeared and we wont see them meets next year. i wouldve liked to had seen them again, plus all the attendees and the new attendees.

now to save time tomorrow morning, so i dont have to make PokerJohnny wait, i went ahead and got the hotel manager to put fridays comped room dollars back on my players card today so i dont have to do it in the morning, the lady at the desk didnt like the extra hassle til i checked out, but she checked with her manager and they did it for me now. so this means ill be able to leave right away tomorrow.

im having a lot of real trouble trying to get google analytics added to my blog. its supposed to show me where my leads are coming from, who else has installed this and are they able to help in any way?

ive also got a bunch of wynn food comps i need to somehow turn into cash too besides the allegiant airlines $144 voucher.

this is going to be a long hard row to hoe before i ever have the money to go back to live poker and be able to afford weekly rooms in vegas again, but im doing what i need to do to survive, and keep in touch with everyone i care about and keep the blog up and running so i dont disappoint all the readers. have survived so far. i definitely dont take no risks with what i consider the case money.

SOMEDAY, I WILL HAVE LEARNED TO NOT WAIT TIL I AM DOWN TO THE CASE MONEY TO START USING GOOD DISCIPLINE AND MONEY MANAGEMENT. IT WASNT MACHINES THAT BROKE ME, IT WAS THE NEED TO ALWAYS GET EVEN. IN THE LAST 3 WEEKS, IVE CONQUERED THAT BY QUITTING OVER $100 STUCK 3 TIMES. THATS ALL THAT REALLY MATTERS.

Monday, November 26, 2012

Slowly starting to feel like im growing in discipline

Well, I'm happy to report ive been learning and following bankroll discipline, probably for the first time in a long time, and mainly because of fear. Yeah, fear. Fear of ending up totally broke, without a room to sleep in at night, with no way to come up with any money. The same fear thats kept me from returning to Las vegas, where id have to risk losing this entire $1300 between the cost of a place to stay, and what id probably lose at poker under so much stress.

my 28 days are about up, and even though the casino manager is willing to extend it for me, i would like to spend a little time with a couple of out of town friends, so im in the process of making a few arrangements. Also i really need some clean laundry, and im sick and tired of only 1 buffet meal a day and nothing else to eat entirely, including no food in my room. And i really need to deposit money into the bank, so theres enough funds to cover next months automatic deductions of phone and net.

earning the comps is getting very difficult because of these bankroll guidelines, i slowly am having less and less days prepaid up. the good news is if i check out, i can get back all the comps i prepaid up for future days rooms, if i check out early enough that day. such as if i checked out tuesday morning, id get back the comps ive used for tues nights stay, wed nights stay, thrusday nights stay and friday nights stay. am paid up til saturday right now. i used to be prepaid way over a week ahead.

am still holding onto over $30 on lock, depending on how this $5 sng goes. i've been noticing the lowest stakes cash games the players there are quite weak, sad thing is its so very little per hour u need awfully cheap housing.

pokerdogg i worry if i watch a long documentary my internet bill will go up $10 next month, thats how i got the huge amount of overage that one month watching some movies about 1-2 hours long.

So for 2 weeks or so, my money hasnt decreased since those early big drops to $1300. lowest its been since then is $1100+ and now its back in the $1300s. Not only has it not decreased, its actually up $107 in real cash, not even counting the value of room comps. Which proves that "george" was right about me being able to hold my own on the VBJ if i used a good counting system, and managed the roll properly. In over 2 weeks, i have never bet more than $13 on any one hand, and that has got to be a very big first for someone with the discipline ive always had. even when i had the bad day when i ended up down $183. Fear of being out of action entirely is what did this. The profit ive achieved over them 2 weeks proves the machine can return over 100% even without comps. (but very little--unless of course someone was well rolled--then they should make over $50 an hour and is why word cannot get out, well one of the reasons anyway).

Now id like to address some comments mentioned in previous blogs. by the way i was surprised by WEC's comments about Walmarts, it was the first time i realized he wasnt democrat. i dont know why he posts under the name pokeramp 24/7 instead of WEC. Also its nice to see some of the more conservative readers speaking up too. And i wish Zin could tell us how i could be sure no rattlesnakes can get inside his trailer. Pokerdogg thinks ill do OK at poker if i play my "A" game, but he forgot the most important lesson i need to learn right now is to follow bankroll rules. Which of course, mean NO $1-2 NL holdem in a live casino right now. theres no way i can risk what i have. if i lost it my life would be so much much worse off than it is now for the negative. Also Vince is worried he will be laid off anytime soon. And the reality of online poker is--all the good internet players quit playing online. Only the bad ones remain, and they are not coming back anytime soon. Its not really ur skills that dictate how u do at live poker, anyone can run bad. its the size of ur bankroll that has all the say in how u do, and whether u should sit, not ur skill level, this is a common misconception many people have.



Still looking for a person flying allegiant to take that voucher off my hands, since they dont service the northeast or florida. Or reno for that matter. its good til April.

Sunday, November 25, 2012

Walmarts

Well, even though staying where i am isnt the greatest long term solution due to a few things (28 day limit in a row) (i need to wash laundry) and also a couple of other important things needing done, but ive found out one thing, FOLLOWING BANKROLL RULES WORK.

u see, about 10 days or so ago i was down to the $1300s, ever since ive followed the bankroll management rules of never betting over 1% of my roll on any 1 spot. (a little more liberal rule than the 1/200th rule i wasnt able to follow). also i was told if i followed the other rule i probably wouldnt be getting a wide enough spread. and ever since ive not violated those rules once, the highest bet i ever made was $13 on any of the last 10 days or so. and its worked for the most part, as far as me not losing all the rest of the money. been going back and forth between $1300 and $1100, and im still in the $1200s, well before my $80 net fee should be deducted out anytime now. its due on the 22nd, but was still in my bank acct as of this morning.

also i am missing out on some free play in vegas i wish someone was getting for me, $15 every week at the LVH, and $10 every week at the hardrock. $10 every other week at the wynn.

But the math is proven to work as far as not losing the money if i dont overbet my bankroll. am proud of myself for keeping my bets so small for such a long length of time, i wanted to be able to prove to myself i wouldnt go broke if i followed the math. its just grinding out the comps is harder, much harder than it was. and im slowly having less and less days prepaid up. like now im only paid up til next thursday and thats day 23 of my 28 day limit consecutively.

nice to know the $2-6 spread is going daily at the Riv at least according to their poker facebook page, and not sure what this is about a $100 high hand first 2 hours, i dont see how they can afford that, i hope the blinds arent outrageously high. also it seems to only go til 3pm too

no way could i play $1-3 NL if i was in vegas, at all the good games such as wynn i used to like simply to keep the phone plugged in constantly.

i would try a bit of $1-5 stud at sams town i used to consider too far away to ride the bus, but it only goes a few hours a day too. and i dont have enough money online to make any progress, am down to $18 again on lock, but once more is in there i still think it might be my ticket out. was disappointed to miss out on a seat in todays 100 seat satellite to the 100k, i wonder if anyone else played and won? i think i qualified on a merge site once that way, and ended up making anywhere between $50 and a few hundred way over a year ago, not sure.

--started typing this blog post about 12 hours ago before i slept, never got it finished. woke up, didnt finish the post, went downstairs, won $32, and went to eat. then came back upstairs and used my last $13 on lock to join 3 sngs 2 of which i am in now, the 3rd one isnt yet full. overall my actual cash not in the bank or on debit cards is only about $50 less than it was when i first started following the bankroll guidelines. so its not hardly moved for like 2 weeks. There is the proof the bankroll guidelines work. now that i know they work, i only wish i had the roll to put it to use.

Now about the title of this post. i originally was going to talk about something thats been bugging me. i've seen twitter feeds, and other stories and comments a lot in the past by others thats put walmart in a bad light. and i just read a news article about a law in OK prohibiting walmarts from selling items without a 6% markup over dealer costs. Supposedly the law is to protect other businesses, but the only thing its doing is really hurting the people who are really struggling to pay their bills and most deserving of economic help. Customers shopping on black friday were disappointed they couldnt get the free debit cards other states were offering with purchases, (their ads all had to say not valid in OK).

i've been told that not only in NYC do most people not have cars (find that very hard to believe) that also there are no walmart stores except for far out in the suburbs. that walmart stores arent legal there. Which is really ignorant, because a place like that with an awful lot of poverty and very high prices for food, etc, are where stores like that are most needed. In every community it moves into, walmart has done more to help those struggling financially that any other business. its provided a ton of a lot of jobs to people who would otherwise not have the skills and experience to get one. Gave a lot of people a way to get out of poverty. Now dont ask me why im not applying there, its because theres no available openings anymore, and there wont be until there is a BIG improvement in the ecomony, and businesses feel more comfortable hiring again. But in the past, and still today, its kept a lot of people employed who otherwise wouldnt be.

and its not just the jobs, there is also all kinds of people without much money who depend on it to clothe their kids for school, buy groceries at a reasonable price, and other things. without a walmart, a lot of people would basically go hungry because they wouldnt be able to make their food stamp dollars stretch far enough. So why do some Obama supporters, democrats, who propose to care about the poor, go around badmouthing walmarts? Because they are non union? That fact alone has enabled them to hire a lot more people.



Thursday, November 22, 2012

not a happy day

lost $117 last night, now back down to the $1100s. only got 1 clean shirt left, but im no longer around people at a poker table anymore so it no longer matters.

it would be nice if people would give me advice on the things i ask for, instead of the stuff im sick of hearing about. A big thank u to clint, (housing possibility), JJ booey (employment possibility) pokerdogg (helped me find the wireless on the laptop) although i still wont be using wireless because of that contract, and Vook for emailing me describing about different types of sngs. theres probably also others who dont come to mind right offhand.

theres no restaraunt here when im awake open in the middle of the night but the buffet and the regular meal will only be up during the day while im asleep, and ill enjoy Thanksgiving alot more if i sleep my normal schedule than i will if i eat the times u want me to eat.

what would really make me happy would be if a few readers transferred $3-25 dollars to me on lock to aa23eachhand so i could play $5 sngs and 5c10c NL instead of $2 sngs and 2c4c NL, at least then id feel like i had a chance to make enough to survive simply doing nothing but playing online in my room.

i must say, using the correct bankroll management has kept me from going broke. about 10 days ago i was down to $1300, and have floated back and forth ever since between $1300 and $1100 bankroll. back down to the $1100s a bad night, but ive held my own overall losses been small, grinding out the free room daily. if i could stay here forever, might take me 3 months to go broke. am too afraid to leave if i have nowhere to stay once i do.

it really irritates me all the people who used to tell me to find an alternative to google adsense (cant remember which people those were) wouldnt go thru the list i posted yesterday of alternatives and tell me which one they think would get me the most money, and money the fastest without a long wait, such as some pay every $10, some wont pay til u earn $100. so im not typing another blog til someone assists with this, because i believe the most appropriate way for me to earn money im best cut out and skilled for is online. the below article was copied and pasted from elsewhere, i just wanted to be sure people read it, because no one will go to the bother of clicking the link because i dont understand how to make links show up as clickable on my blog, maybe another blogspot blogger does?

Google Adsense Alternatives -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Everyone knows that Google Adsense is the leader in contextual advertising network. A lot of people are making thousands of dollars each day from Google Advertisements. No doubt, Google Adsense is the main source of income for lots of content rich websites and blogs.

But getting banned from adsense is getting very common now a days. Because Google’s terms and conditions are very strict such that many web publishers cannot use adsense adverts on their sites. The problem is that to choose google because most of the alternatives to Google’s Adsense are pretty useless. Most of the good ones such as doubleclick are only interested in very large volume customers and so are not interested in the little guy with his blog who wants to earn a small income on the side. This site provides an updated list of the best website monetization programs that are available to webmasters.




Has your adsense account been disabled? Then try below mention top adsense alternatives. I am listing here some of the best adsense alternatives that pay high.


Best Google Adsense Alternatives 2012 :
Adbrite
Bidvertiser
Chitika
Infolinks
Clicksor
Kontera
TechnoratiMedia
Luminate


1. Adbrite :

Adbrite is considered as one of closest alternatives to Google Adsense when you don’t have an Adsense account. They are much more accepting of smaller publishers including bloggers.Terms and conditions at Adbrite are not that much stick which you used to see with Google Analytics even you can get away by clicking your own ads (HA HA do not do this often,LOL! I mean accidental clicks).

• Can run along with adsense as long as you maintain a different look-and-feel.
• You need to be patient since it takes time to fill up your ad inventory.
• Many option to choose from like text, banner, invideo, inline ads.
• They even accept adult sites.
• Minimum Payment $5.

You'll probably need to test this out yourself as something that'll work for one site probably won't work for another. They have 6 different ad formats so you can probably test all of them to see which one will work best on your site.

Click here to visit Adbrite's website and sign up today.




2. Bidvertiser :

Bidvertiser is an excellent alternative to Google and offers some intriguing ad formats including what they refer to as free design. All the standard ad formats exist, however, and the payouts are excellent. You will not get enough earnings until unless you get very good traffic. Best for high traffic blogs.

Bidvertiser have also recently introduced two knew features that can boost your earnings:


Conversion bonus :
CPC performance for each valid click Bidvertiser will now track those clicks and if click convert into valid leads then publisher gets additional conversion bonus.


Revenue Generating Toolbar :
Revenue generating toolbar can do both drive more traffic to your website and also make money when users use your toolbar search menu option.

Bidvertizer pays you either in $100.00 increments by check or $10.00 increments by PayPal. Instant Activation of Accounts, So need to wait for your site to be approved. They also do not require you to complete any tax information or provide a social security number.

Click here to visit Bidvertiser's website and sign up today.




3. Chitika :

Chitika is an leading blog advertising company with a network of thousand’s of blogs and websites with brand advertisers and merchants. Chitika doesn't offer that many types of ads but its main advantage is that the ads it offers are very targeted. Chitika is very similar to Google Adsense where we are paid on CPC basis.

• Ads can be set to non -contextual and can be targeted to specific keywords
• The ads are contextual by default
• Can run along with adsense
• Min Payment $10

Click here to visit chitika's website and sign up today.




4. Infolinks :

Infolinks are highly recommended and highly used ad program. A relative newcomer to the scene Infolinks specializes in In-Text Advertizing. You can show banner ads with AdBrite or Bidvertiser and show text links with Infolinks. You are paid in Infolinks on the basis of pay per click of the ads and not on the impressions on the links. Quick and easy setup with no changes to your website. They are actually the best adsense alternative for your blog.

Infolinks pays you either by bank wire, Automated Clearing House (ACH) ($400 minimum), or by PayPal ($50 minimum) . They make payments through Paypal, Check, Bank Transfer, ACH etc

Click here to visit infolinks's website and sign up today.








5. Clicksor :


Clicksor is one of the current leaders of the small publisher Adsense competition. This is one of the smartest advertisement revenue sharing programs with intriguing ads with the similar convenience that you usually get from adsense and so is highly recommended for beginners. Clicksor is the best alternative for Adsense as they have the third largest publisher network after Infolinks and Adsense. These ads seems annoying (pop-ups) to users but the earnings we gain are bit higher when compared to other ad networks.


They allow you to earn through different ad-formats like-
Text Links
Image Ads
Flash Ads
Animation Ads
Banners
Pop unders
Interstitial Ads (NEW)
Payments are based on net 15 terms on a bi-weekly schedule. You will have the chance to receive your payments either by check or Paypal and the minimum payout is $50.

Click here to visit clicksor's website and sign up today.






6. Kontera :

Kontera works in a similar way to Infolinks. Kontera used to accept high as well as low traffic websites into its network. Kontera is nice because it is simply Plug and Play and it provides an additional revenue stream for your website.

• Premium ads with market-leading CPC.
• Record high CTRs.
• The best relevancy and user experience.
• Works within your text ? no extra space required.
• Takes only a minute to set up.

Kontera provides payment by PayPal with a $50 minimum payout.


Click here to visit Kontera's website and sign up today.



7. TechnoratiMedia :

Its an Another high paying adsense alternative. But Technorati Media has also strict Terms and conditions. The ad network provides contextual biased ads and also provides very high CPC and CTC. It is the best alternative when you get rejected by Tribal Fusion, CPX Interactive and other CPM networks. The account will be approved only if your site has 200,000 visits per month. If your blog has good visitors then TechnoratiMedia is a good option. Technorati Media supports ads of multiple dimensions like 160X600, 300X250, 728X90.

The Minimum payout is $50 which maybe with the help of cheque or Paypal.

Click here to visit Technoratimedia's website and sign up today.


8. Luminate :

Luminate Inc. (previously known as Pixazza Inc.). It includes images’ ads that allows you to monetize your images by installing a pop-up below each image.It currently serves more than 150 million users per month and 30 billion page views per year. They are also partnered with Google adsense for displaying ads on images.This ‘first-of-its-kind’ platform gets operational when a user mouse-over’s an image, displaying the related products and information to that user. It takes into account the keywords that have been tagged with an image and then display the relevant ads accordingly.

The minimum payout is $10 which can be received on a PayPal account or via Standard Cheque.

Click here to visit Luminate's website and sign up today.

So, at the end. Thanks for reading the post. I hope that you like the advertising companies that i have suggested and the ads that they show.

Note: The descriptions are based on personal experience and do not represent any form of endorsement.

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

YEAH IM WORRIED

have done some online google searches, different ones this time, and i remembered to use the quotation marks, but still the searches arent what i want. a lot of the "$300 monthly" or $75 weekly rent" were NOT for places to live. even did searches for attics and garages, but even then the garage ones only turned out to be for parking cars, not to live in.

a basement would only work if it had its own private entrance and i didnt have to have any contact with anyone else living in the house, same way for an attic. it seems very few do, or at least if they do, they dont mention this in their craigslist ads. i remember too the time Britni did nationwide searches for me listing a bunch of cheap monthly place to live, in weird locations such as small places in Idaho etc. The problem with those type of searches is u have no idea of the ethnic background of all the other neighbors as to whether u would be comfortable living there or not.

i doubt if they still do, but 22 years ago the homeless shelter i stayed at a few times in Lima OH used to have a small building next to the shelter with a very small number of private rooms, that they rented out for $50 a month only to help homeless people get back on their feet, that u was only allowed to live at for 2 months while u looked for other alternatives.

often they were full, and they didnt rent to everyone. But it would be nice if the salvation army or other homeless programs in vegas had something like that. i wouldnt want to have to come to the shelter to sleep their hours (totally different than mine) and be surrounded by unsafe people who might steal my laptop from underneath me as i slept. Lots of old rooming houses in old HOTELS, not motels, got burned or torn down in the last 10 years too i lived at, can think of at least 3. i know most homeless people are always totally broke, because they manage their money much less well and continually spend themselves down to $0, mostly cause of alcoholism. also shelters dont allow u to stay there longterm, some of them only a few days. Usually they make u take a shower around other people where others can steal from u during the shower, a big no-no scaring me away. and dont just say "dont carry any money". if my debit card or ID got stolen that too is a huge and even bigger problem.

but yeah im worried, im not sure i wont go broke here, ive been told even that im now following the correct bankroll management, my risk of ruin is pretty high. especially since my counting system wasnt "advanced" enough, and was more basic and not the best for 4 decks. if i did side count the aces, how would i decide how that would change my betting strategy? i keep having many small wins of $10-30 and then some big $150-200 losses. and all my play last night over 3 sessions only got me about half of sundays comp room ive still not earned. im betting so low it would take about 12 hours play to earn my room anymore. and its rapidly approaching sunday. So i worry about this being a viable option in the future. Also i have very little money left on lock too. am back to playing $2 sngs again instead of $5, too bad i lost the $15 one. i made a total of $67 last night, but am still not even back to $1200. and my internet will be coming out of my bank in the next 2 days. Also please dont ask me to play them on lock without telling me ur screen name and just asking for mine. i like to know if u are at my table, i need ur screen name first. tired of this on twitter.

that being said, since i used the right bankroll management, (but maybe not the right counting system) my roll has been somewhere in the $1100s $1200s or $1300s. it hasnt moved up or down much, although it had 2 big $150+ losses, and many very tiny wins. u see when i have a small win, i want to get up and quit for the day and go back to my room. and when im losing, i want to sit there all night and try and wipe out the loss.

i think i could do well at poker if i just had a cheap enough place to live so i could totally play online at home, or if i was around a $1-5 stud game daily such as being near foxwoods or tampa because thats a game that takes a much much smaller roll than $1-2 NL as far as grinding out $1200 or so a month. does anyone else think $1100 will get me anywhere in a low stakes poker game in vegas, i mean would u come to vegas with this little, if u didnt have a place to live lined up or friends who would take u in? the reason most people dont worry when they get in my situation is they have friends they can stay with. i dont. the only men whove ever offered to let me live with them were guys i didnt know, so i declined.

i remember in 1989 i was panhandling in fort wayne IN, and a christian man and his wife let me stay in a spare room in their house for the night. im sure they only did it because i was so young then, most people would be afraid, and nothing bad happened to me. I cannot understand why Britni always said to find roommates online, she has often lived with roommates, but im just not into that. if i knew how to fight and defend myself i wouldnt mind living with others as much cause i wouldnt be so afraid. everywhere i ever lived, i had my own room that entered into a hallway in a large building not someones house. what i mean is i never had to hang out around other tenants, like u would in a room in someones home. i worry about who someone will invite over to visit and i worry people will use drugs, drink, smoke weed and all sorts of things.


Sunday, November 18, 2012

I feel better about myself than i did the other day, i have confidence things are going to be ok

I guess its due to more of an understanding of how math works than i had the other day, the additional discipline i developed after dropping 66% of the roll within 2 days, and the realization that in the last week since the big loss nothing really bad has happened and that im barely moving. would also like to say that im spending more time in my room grinding on lock than i am playing the VBJ machine, and im sure some of u would consider that "good news". in the past week ive went back and forth from the $1300s to the $1100s and am currently closer to $1300 than i am to $1200. Plus now my room is good til saturday of next week instead of friday of next week.

i truly think the best longterm solution is to find a cheap longterm steady place to live, for less than $400 a month, no utility costs extra, where i can sit and grind online poker for about $350-600 a week in profit. Not only would i be away from -ev games, and not have to be around other people while im playing, my greatest poker strengths could be better utilized. i would like the same type of setup that flushdraw has. very cheap housing, and a wonderful woman who loves and supports him and dont judge him for having so little money. Who doesnt see his poker playing as a dumb and foolish waste of his time like any other woman would.

one of these days i'd like to make a blog post listing all the ways id spend money if i was rich, including the ways in which i would support various charitable causes. But not today, i need to get this blog post up now so i can go to sleep for the day, and that post would require a little bit of thought.

i wish so many didnt have their blogs on wordpress sites, for it makes it harder to link their blogs to mine, or to subscribe to them. especially sometimes as far as subscribing to replies to comments i post. also i seem to be doing a better job of marketing my blog to more people than i used to, its picking up more readers and new comments. i do not have the money to do it now, but ive often considered paying money to market in certain places, and would also like to learn how to sell ads on here without using google adsense. i am not tech savvy enough to typeset the ads but if anyone is willing to pay for adspace let me know.

would also like to know if anyone is flying on allegiant anytime before april, i can get them a $144 voucher towards the fare at a slight discount. i need the cash far more than i need the voucher, but dont want to feel ripped off, is why i rejected an offer of $40. i might want to fly somewhere if i find the right cheap housing possibility.

and i now have good news to report, i just won my 2nd $5 sng while typing up this post, making my balance on lock back up to $37. which is the best its been. at one point within the past 24 hours it was down to almost $18. i want to be sure i dont have to re-deposit, no way could i afford that right now. also i need to play higher than $2 sngs to grind out $500 a week plus so i can live at home without ever having to go to any casinos, and so i can live anywhere in the country rent is cheap.

ive done online searches, typing in words like $285 monthly rent, and not having any luck, stuff comes up thats $285 daily instead of monthly, stuff where the deposit is $285 instead of the rent, etc. someone taught me once how to do searches, using quotes or hyphens or plus signs or what have u, and ive totally forgotten what they said and how to find that thread it was about a few months back. can anyone explain? my searches are too vague and not what im seeking.

Friday, November 16, 2012

surviving day by day

finally ate, after i got out of the hole and up $16. am now in my room taking a break updating blogs and comments, and playing a few cash games and sngs online with the $21 i had on lock when i went to sleep.

roll is still $1100. also, i no longer have a mailing address it expired and i didnt renew. and im worried about how ill wash laundry once im out. also im worried about what ill do at the end of 28 days when i have to be out for 2 nights, guess i could go into vegas those days, and wash laundry, will need to ask vince or one other friend. also will need to try and remove everything from the walmart debit card and put most of it into the bank, for i need enough cash in the bank to cover the monthly phone and internet bills which is $180 a month give or take.

if i had enough online to be able to win $180 a month, transferring poker money to vook each month could solve this issue. also my room which was scheduled to expire on monday of next week, is now scheduled to expire on friday of next week instead, right before thanksgiving. Basically all i care about right now is being able to maintain a room indoors, and im glad the heater is working good. Sure does get chilly outside. and i wish i could save up a few hundred worth of comps, so i could get at least some cash when i leave by storing up cartons of cigarettes. or cover a room for a few months to where i could do nothing but sit in my room here and do all my playing online. But that requires having a far larger online balance. id not be in this mess at all had this happened in 2003. in fact my roll was this low a lot back then, and it wasnt the same major issue that it is today, prices were lower then too. inflation hits me harder than most people, and thats also why i am pro-republican being so poor. never understood why poor people want to vote democrat, they will still get most govt assistance regardless of who is president, but at least jobs will be a lot more plentiful in a republican administration, because businesses are republican for the most part, and will feel more COMFORTABLE that they can now afford to hire MORE people without worrying about their business GOING UNDER. i do not understand at all why people dont agree the unemployment rate wouldve fallen dramatically as soon as the stock market wouldve realized we had a new administration, stocks wouldve skyrocketed, businesses no longer worried about the cost of obamacare wouldnt be doing all the layoffs and price increases they are doing now (google dennys and papa johns) but instead would be doing a lot of hiring, and hiring would be so much of even people as hard to employ as ME mightve had a chance.

democrats are so fixated on social issues such as gay marriage, and getting high, they are willing to jeopardize the entire american economy just to elect a democratic president to get those issues through. they care NOTHING at all about the poor and how they will suffer when people get laid off. Mitt Romney and Mike Huckabee are the only ones who showed any true compassion for the less fortunate.

and Michele bachmann would make a much better house speaker than John Boehner because she wouldnt give in out of principle, she will fight for what she believes in. at least she won re-election. we need the house to be willing to say NO to raising the debt ceiling, otherwise we will crash like Greece did, and suffer inflation as nazi germany did, meaning im fucked royally.

the cost of housing actually has helped me, because its kept prices low. but the loss of jobs especially in vegas isnt good, its meant way more poor people and panhandlers id have to compete if i was out on the streets. tons more people standing in line waiting to apply at every available job too.

Obamacare has done nothing to give people like me free healthcare, u can get that free in any emergency room anyway just by not paying the bill when it comes. i dont know where u sign up for obamacare either to apply. does anyone? i should go sign up for food stamps like 47 million others, but ive never bothered to do it, didnt want to do it if i didnt have to, but am really getting in worse and worse shape. i think id qualify finally. whats BAD about obamacare, is they removed $700 million from medicare to pay for it, and now seniors are being denied lifesaving care and being told they will instead let them die and give them painkillers, and its why seniors overwhelmingly switched parties and voted republican in this last election. it was the minorities and the young who went for obama, because their understanding of economics and lifes experiences isnt as great. also they are much more liberal on social issues too.

and with that done, ill now post this, and go read some new comments on the old blog and see what needs responded to. good news is i am now at $27 on lock instead of $21, have been winning, but still am playing such low stakes theres no solution yet to be found by ONLY sitting in my room playing til next friday gets here.

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

i need to make a list of all that needs to be done, to help facilitate my staying alive and not going under, and this blog remaining open. for it wont if i can no longer pay $80 a month net, and $90 a month phone.

am still surviving out here alone and isolated in the NV desert, after about 8 hours or so of play, and mostly spreading $1-6 (the vast majority 1 hand $1) and on very rare occasions a hand or more of $9, i finally eked out $24 profit, enough to bring me back over the $1300 mark again, and then used my comps to get my room paid up til monday now instead of up to saturday. am staving off homelessness one day at a time. still dont feel like i have nearly enough on lock to grind in the room only. out of total fear, ive cut out $5 and up sngs, only am playing the $2 ones, and cash games of not bigger than 2c4c NL or PL and 5c10c at the highest. ($3 min buyin in that game). and of course, it being so simple to do so online compared to a live table, am hitting and running constantly to stay in action.

but somehow ive managed to get my last $4 on lock all the way up to $16. i cannot earn enough a day to make a living at these limits, unless someone i fully trusted let me live there 100% FREE. and provided food too. which is precisely why im afraid to come back to vegas. nowhere to live, and no way to eat. id pretty much have to return to vegas to look for work, (or any other BIG city) and the minute i got there id be homeless. can u actually picture me spending money on housing with this little money? probably u cant. with this money in vegas, id either be playing $1-5 stud at sams town 8am to 1pm, $2-6 spread at tx station anytime of day, or $2-6 spread at the riv on the rare occasions it would actually go. wouldnt mind someone posting here how often its been going lately. maybe a little $50 min buyin $1-2 NL in the afternoon during aces cracked at hooters, but not likely. and certainly couldnt afford any $100 min buyin games or anywhere thats $1-3.

of course if i was playing with a friends money, thats different, id be playing the game and casino they want me to play in. What i mean is im not going to put my own bankroll at risk. u claim by me staying and playing here i am putting my bankroll at risk? well yes in a way, but i trust the math a lot more than i trust peoples opinions, or my poker skills, and the math says its impossible to ever go broke if u dont ever bet over 1/200th of ur roll at BJ. i am putting it at risk of going down $100 or more anytime though, and thats pretty scary in and of itself.

so how much should i have on lock? and doesnt any of my readers besides vook play on lock since it moved to the cake network? and in the smallest of microstakes, playing only 1-2 tables at a time, what do u think the winrate should be on average per hour, (over $1 or not?) and is it beatable? i know the math at VBJ because of memorization when young, the actual figuring is a little harder and more work. it would require lots of stats i dont have but im sure some of u have played online and tracked ur results. especially flushdraw. as low as my roll is, even though i know by far the safest way to never lose it is to only play online with that little to work with, should i really risk putting it online now or should i wait til sometime next january after online poker is up and running just to be safe?

how many readers in NV are planning to play online once that happens, and how easy to win do they think it will be? id really like opinions on this, and would like to know of any poker forums in which there is a thread discussing this, and of course u are more than welcome to repost the link here.

there is NO way i could ever go broke online if i only played there with the full $1300. (using the right bankroll management i mean). i could however easily go broke making sure i slept indoors everyday and had a base of operations to play in. u see if i returned to vegas now and paid for rooms by the week, id be totally penniless in 7 weeks on housing costs alone if i took a place to live. which is what scares me so much.

not even counting food, transportation, or anything else. also i havent paid nov mailbox renewal fee, now 3 days past due, and have no way to pay it. i guess all my mail going to the flamingo will get sent back, and then i worry about the bank closing my bank acct, and no way to tell the government my address, etc. running out of money causes a huge host of problems normal people never even think of.

and my biggest concern is whats gonna happen when i need clean clothes again. well not my biggest of course.

id consider trying just grinding poker with the measly balance i had left, if i had transportation from someone back and forth to the casino and they were willing to sit in the game with me, or at least be nearby for when it was time to go. thats why i miss not having any close friends. close friends dont allow those they care about to fall into the cracks. Jesus says that we are supposed to love and help those who are not able to help us back. But now days no one wants to believe or follow the teachings of the Bible anymore. One of the greatest teachings of the Bible is to take care of the poor, and that didnt mean getting them on the govt dole, and expecting the govt to do it. it meant to do it yourself. Not to go out and tell them to find work either, but to actually offer them a job. i dont think anyone in their right mind actaully believes an employer would hire me with my background and issues in this economy. if i went in any place to apply, theyd laugh me right out.

but saying i could stay with someone for a week isnt really a solution, because what happens when the week is up? thats why ive turned it down, and also because i didnt know them really well, and they did something i dont want to say that made me highly uncomfortable. what i need is to be into an apt for longterm, (to me that means at least a month or so). the less expensive the better, because the MORE id want to make sure i never lost it and kept it longterm. like for example, someone i trust to rent me property they own (and dont live in) for like $75 a week or less, so id never have to worry about NOT being able to afford it, or having to leave, and there couldnt be any other tenants in the area id be living, (meaning if it was a room off a hallway, id need my own private entrance to the outdoors without going thru any common areas of the house, and a good lock). living in someones basement or garage would be acceptable because then id have the place all to myself. But im not comfortable living with strangers, which would mean id have to know them at least as well as i know lightning or grump.

i also dont see how anyone who voted democrat (in an attempt to kill off the few jobs that remained) can expect me to go find employment, being completely undesirable in the employment market, being the wrong race, the wrong sex, and with no work history and experience. i also dont understand how a lawyer on the east coast can vote democrat since he makes a lot of money, and i would think hed not want to pay higher taxes. nor do i understand how a farmer or a doctor would.

the one nice employee working here was on duty again this graveyard shift, and he gave me 3 more of those buffet tickets, my one meal of the day. but i do kind of wish i had food in my room.

yeah, finding someone to take me back here from a night of poker wont be easy, but it would enable me to try poker instead of losing it all on VBJ. although i dont think i will, or id already be broke. But easier would be growing my roll on lock a bit so i can devote more time to playing there. i did win my first 2 $2 sngs while typing this blog post, so i am now up to $20 on lock. would also love others opinions as to whether i am better off playing the turbo or the non-turbo double or nothing sngs, and im not sure who is most qualified to answer. i think very few of my readers actually play these, and i would like a list of all who do.

also, i wish all the negative political commentary here would cease, when i try and warn others as to all the terrible things happening in this country the mainstream media tries to keep out, and u need sites like worldnetdaily, godfather politics, and grassfire.net to find out the truth. those sites are about the only news sites i can really trust, even more so than Fox. they cover stories Fox is not comfortable covering, (sometimes fox is a RINO republican in the John Boehner mold instead of a real conservative). Jerome Corsi has the guts to speak out though. what im saying is the liberals dominate this blog too much, and the conservatives need the guts to speak up.


Monday, November 12, 2012

just trying to survive, and figure out what my options are. now is when i need friends more than i ever have.

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ok to start with in case herbie or anyone else wants to know, yes i finally got around to checking out the video craps machine also, and i was right about it not being a better game. someone told me before it was because u can get points on the odds bet without any house edge at binions. thats true, but u still have to make a pass or dont pass bet with odds of about 1.5% in favor of the house. on the VBJ, odds in favor of the house only about 0.3 to 0.4%. (if u play the hands correctly, many dont). at binions u must bet $20 on the craps machine for a point too, and VBJ only $8 coin in. so i thought id see the machine here. now here its still the same comp rate for coin in, doesnt matter if its VBJ or craps. but the max odds is only double odds, so if u take full odds everytime u are still losing 1.5% on 1/3rd of the money wagered and nothing on the other 2/3rd so maybe u are losing 0.5% instead of 1.5% IF the passline and odds bet are the ONLY bets ur making, most people make many bets at craps. also craps is terribly slow, so i still think the VBJ has to be better payback than the craps.

But at least no one can now say i havent looked at it to see if theres a way it could be beaten with comps.

also i must congratulate the hotel on its good service, the heater is now working fine in the room totally silent of the loud racket the other day and my room is no longer cold. feels good in here.

used the last buffet voucher i had today, hope the same guy is working tonight and gives me more. the buffet here really isnt much, but i eat anything. also im only eating once a day. not just out of poverty, but also out of habit a lot over the years when i was poor and didnt have a home fridge with food in it.

really bothers me i cant just sit in my room til saturday and grind out a few hundred in profits online, but they just have too low of stakes, too good of players on lock and i just dont have the money to risk dividing up my roll in this way. am back to $4 online and i only sent vook $17 the other day to deposit because i was too broke to deposit more, and now with $1200 im much more broke now.

played earlier for only about 45 minutes, never made a bet over $6, somehow managed to quit $20 ahead, and decided to return to the room. as little as i have and as poorly as ive done lately that seems like a good win. i could survive on that if i had a free room daily, but i think i only played long enough for like $1 in comps.

wish one friend in vegas would come and let me stay with them free but the only one i trust is vince and he cant, but if anyone can pay my rent to get me into an apt would be nice, and also a bike or a bus pass, i could give them my word id only play poker but with only $1200 i dont know what i could possibly afford to play, unless it was $2-6 spread at texas, riviera if it still goes, or $1-5 stud mornings at sams town. i dont know if thats enough to play $4-8 stud8 at suncoast, i doubt it. surely aint enough for NL, thats only $12 buyins, maybe enough if i was playing hooters with $50 during 2-7pm promo. but i dont really want to play NL with that little. what i do need is a stake. a rather large size stake or loan of about $2000 or more, and also money for housing included in it so i wouldnt have to use the stake for a room.

i can still get up to 6 free nights a month every 2 weeks in vegas. (2 3 days segments). the other 25 days id be homeless each month. now its hard to see how i can come back to vegas, my rooms here will soon dry up as my money dwindles and my bets become so small i earn very little comps. am barely over $1200 and cannot access all that, have to leave enough in the bank to function, and only have $458 of that in cash. the rest is in the bank or a little bit remaining on a walmart debitcard. so unless i had a free place to live, or someone else paid the rent, i cant go to vegas. also would need a stake if i was going to play $1-2.

its been many years since ive been this broke, havent slept outdoors in about 10 yrs either. am too old to be this broke. wish Jason wouldnt have told me. i couldve stayed in laughlin with the $2800 i left with and played $2-6 but thats not beatable either because of the way laughlin does thier $2 jackpot drop on $20. was very surprised to hear thats NOT how the riv takes their drop, i thought all places with a $2 jackpot drop did it that way. i wonder if others dont either?

theres a lot of comments i should address, but it would take so many hours i dont think ill address them all, and if i do it will be a ways into the future.

yeah i was told all my life as a child when the public schools wanted me to have psychological counseling and my mom moved me to private schools cause she was worried about a social worker taking me away from her due to social problems i was having in the public schools mom said that if the counselor isnt a Christian they will counsel u to turn away from Jesus Christ and his teachings, and blame the Bible for ur problems. so she was afraid of counselors, she thought they would consider her Christian beliefs the reason i had emotional problems, and would try and talk me out of believing the Bible is true. so this worried me about lightning so i was surprised and im glad lightning is a Christian, i was so afraid of him last year when i found out he was a counselor and it had a huge effect in why i didnt want to meet him at the train and wasted all that money on cabs. id forgot that he ever sent me the pants. anyway i never heard from Rachel, i doubt they would want to counsel me again. But id gladly try to go somewhere if the incentive was right, such as being given the large sum of money id need for housing and an adequate poker stake, maybe even on lock so i could sit at home, but i cant have a $150-200 a week rent over my head, the most i could afford is like $60 a week.

renting a room in a rooming house is one thing, when only u go to ur room and u lock the door and share a bathroom down the hall. being in someones house scares me, where rooms are normal bedrooms without locks and others around constantly. i am so used to total privacy.

michele bachmanns husband ran a counseling service, and i know she is a good person and can be trusted, is one of few people in congress such as allen west willing to speak the truth. alot of people troubled about their homosexuality and wanting to talk to someone who wanted to come to grips with their beliefs about it being sinful and wanting to somehow get out of it and lead a normal life, went to her husband for help, and a lot of them got it and are now married to a woman living normal lives. its such a lie to say people are born that way. is a child molestor born a child molester? is a rapist born a rapist? is a thief born a thief? is a cheater born a cheater? people who are bisexual, they arent making a conscious choice who they choose to have sex with on any given event same as a gay person makes a conscience choice?

its just hard finding a good counselor is all, dont want to give up poker, just want to learn to manage my bankroll and not be in a rush to get even. got to learn how to accept a small loss and quit, and to not play games with poor paybacks. a lot of what i lost this summer was on much worse paybacks, of say 97-98%, if i had that money back the more recent losses i couldve had enough to ride them out.

the money i lost on anything under 98% was 100% stupid and i feel like such as idiot everytime i had a big loss on like the BJ machine at wynn for example, or the VP at the hardrock, or at harrahs properties. i certainly did waste a lot of money foolishly. and im paying for it severly now. it was a terrible sin in the eyes of almighty God, just as much so as gay sex. And i guess thats why ive been so hard on gay sex, i feel i do so many other sins, i worry i wont go up when the rapture takes place and if u watch dr jack van impe (mom and grandmas favorite pastor) its coming very soon, and mom tells me all the time she is worried my heart isnt right with God, even though she knows i believe in him unlike the vast majority of sinners. She isnt sure theologically if all Christians are really going up, or just those who arent living in sin. so i feel like if i can prove to God i accept the Bible as truth and believe he created us and what he says in his word is sin is still a sin, maybe he will understand my emotional disability he created me with and not be as hard on me as i struggle to do the right things and live for him. its not that i care about homosexuality any, the issue really dont affect me personally at all if gays marry or not. but it does really bother me some because i feel that gays or gay rights supporters dont believe in the first amendment or free speech due to the laws they have passed on "hate speech" used to silence pastors who say its sin. i worry about the lawsuits they are forcing on religious believers who just want to be left alone, and not be forced to take part in it, such as letting it happen in their church or property or business etc. all of whom are now getting sued, and all the chaplains being fired in the military for not wanting to marry gays and counsel them its ok when they believe that NO its not ok becuase thats what the bible says.

people who are in the minority belief (christains nowdays--especially in the middle east) should have their religious beliefs protected at all cost, no matter what their religion, and that includes Jews, who get persecuted alot around the world. God has a real love for the Jewish people and the state of israel, Romney understood this, obama doesnt. he is on the other side. Romney too, unlike obama, believes in protecting religious freedom and not being forced to go against what u believe just because the govt says to do it.

and i already knew about all them succession petions, and signed them, but of course the vast majority of the citizens would have to agree, so i highly doubt it would ever get passed in any state. but if it ever did, they would certainly have the right to do so, especially texas. but the citizens of tx wouldnt agree, theres too many there who will say no.


Saturday, November 10, 2012

i keep having dreams in which im in very old rooming houses where i used to live in my early 20s and before, most of which dont even exist today, or if they do im not aware of them. dreams about traveling thru towns, and staying at homeless shelters. Since im old, i dont want to sleep outdoors anymore, and i havent in like over 6 years now. But this is the first time my roll has been $1300 in a very very long time and im extremely worried. The last time my roll was that low, it wasnt as bad because i was getting SSI, and some of the time i had an apt to go home to i was paying rent at for $200 a month is all including utilities. u see i wish i had a place like that to go to now, but of only course if i was there entirely alone. why i wont go live with my mom, and she would charge me rent too. i've looked for cheap housing, and i just cannot find it. prices are NOT what they were in 1988-1994 when i was age 19-25 and i lived in those $40-60 a week rooming houses in old motels. some of which were in places like dubuque iowa and tama ia, small towns where i wouldnt be unsafe living that cheap. and of course, lyons ks in 2006-2007. and dont forgot in 2004, the apt for $230 a month in butte MT, where a little more than half of my online poker play was on paradise, party poker, or pokerstars instead of at the local bar games.

Butte has the small town feel, and it was safe. u couldnt find any hookers there, not even thru backpage.com. and the local republican party didnt have any real office headquarters to watch the election results in, which is as i talked about before why they offered to let me watch them come in at thier house. Which, except for being an Iowa delegate for pat robertson in 1992 was about the extent to which ive gotten politically involved in volunteering. Kind of wish i was back in a place like that, i need somewhere to live cheap, as im very worried about homelessness.

ive experienced far more poverty and homelessness than most white people have, and its had a deep influence of my fears of others who are also poor, but do not identify with me and who think i am the "rich oppressor". another big part of why i cant identify with them is because many are always holding a cig or a beer, which bugs me so much and is such a waste of money when u are that bad off for money. the fact i didnt do those things is why i always felt i was entitled to panhandle when broke because i was "putting the money to wise use investing it". panhandling as much as gambling was my whole life about ages 19-32, and is why my entire normal social life was skipped over, and why i have NO relationship experience, no job experience, no marriages, etc that others have had many times over. is why i am so backwards socially, and i dont know how much of that was caused by the autism.

i did what i had to do to survive, and i make no apologies for that, without it, id been dead or out of action totally. i can remember for years never having a roll above $2000 instead of never below. and i was seriously thinking for the last few years all those years were behind me, especially once i started getting ssi. And then i lost it because i dont believe in govt handouts unless u really need them, and that was the worst thing that couldve happened to me, now i cannot get reapproved for nothing. for SSI turned me down for reinstatement.

so after losing $461 due to losing my discipline to follow the bankroll rules i tried to follow, i went back to my room severly pissed off at MYSELF for my total lack of the discipline i need to break myself of my bad habits. Usually i turn to Josie for help, but shes not too happy with me at the moment and ive never meant to do anything to upset her or to mistreat her, ive mistreated others she knows, but never anyone i thought was a real friend. only when ive thought someone isnt or never was. i played a long time, about 6 hours, earning enough comps to carry my room now up til wednesday checkout, but was still out a little over $70 just due to bad variance. all the bets were under $10, but when trying to get out of the hole, i lost a few $14 bets, some $21 bets and then 6 bets of $42 each, and ended up stuck very huge. and went to my room to hang out online, and yes i do things in my room besides gamble, alot of time is spent playing candy crush saga on facebook with lovetoflop from allvegaspoker and neverbeg websites, she loves that game too, and i wish more friends on facebook would join so they could help me move up in levels etc.

but i cant just sit in a room and play games if i have to pay for housing, and if i leave this casino i will need to do that, and i am 100% sure if i played poker anywhere other than online, id feel that due to the rake and my roll being so low i wouldnt be able to beat the game. (online i feel i can beat low stakes games). Problem is online a lot of the low stakes games are so incredibly low i worry about winning over $1 per hour. on lock im comfortable playing 2 or 3 $5 sngs at a time is all. never been a multitabler. not as many $25 sngs run.

i wont be able to be here too much longer, am starting to have employees think im weird and everyone can see how upset i am about this loss. Such as a couple of other customers, and the cocktail waitress, and an afternoon slotperson, but as far as that goes, the night shift swing or grave slot floorman/casino manager is really nice and helpful and does things like i want it. i can talk to him and he listens without getting mad, which calms me down. but at times im almost the only customer. i just wish i couldve found out if the common wisdom is true or not about not ever going broke with a max bet of 1/200th of the bankroll. i guess that means now my spread is only supposed to be $1-6. maybe if id have followed the advice before i got so horribly low it might actually worked when the spread was a little wider. some people have even said up to 1% of the roll is ok instead of half a percent.

now as things continue to deteriorate im sure im lose the phone and the net but in the meantime we can still converse, once i lose my internet access the blog is done. i cannot afford to get paying them, nor for a place to get mail anymore. to facilitate this, i completely shut down the forum, deactivated it permanently meaning no trace of it ever exists. which is good, because without feeling the need to win everyday (many said i shouldnt) i wont go on tilt. wanting to report a win to make readers proud-- and feeling a sense of relief this blog will remain going-- causes me to try too hard to NOT have to tell others i lost. maybe im only deceiving myself, but i sure wish i could know for sure.

we all know id never be able to find work, thats why i worry so much. maybe id have no excuse had romney got elected, but we all know he did not, so look for massive unemployment and inflation soon. i see many conservative websites claiming 2013 will bring 50% unemployment and 100% inflation once the debt crashes the whole economy, which is obamas aim to destroy america and make it into the 3rd world country with no power to ever again be a force to reckon with any muslim nation. right after he got elected stocks dropped huge and many employers began laying people off due to not being able to afford obamacare.

had romney gotten elected the poor and unemployed wouldve soon had many oppotunities open up. i cant believe how dumb the poor were not to see romney as their only chance to get ahead in life, their racial hatred of white people must of really blinded them. obama only got 39% of the white vote but he still won.

and with that i must sleep, my blogs are getting rather long, and i guess thats what happens when u feel the need to talk from the heart. i miss having a really close friend to confide in like britni was, online hours a day to talk to.

Thursday, November 8, 2012

i didnt follow the advice

was given great advice, didnt take it. new roll $1900. now my new max bet should only be $9. and i didnt want to follow the advice, because i couldnt handle being stuck, and also because i didnt want to have to play far more hours to finally earn the comps for saturdays room. wanted to run thru the MAX coin as quick as possible. (not max bet) also the pit boss gave me 2 free buffet tickets.

flame away.
well-- after playing all night, most of the between 2am and 9am completely alone on the machine, my roll is now at $3100, and i earned enough comps for 2 additional nights, today and friday. new checkout date is saturday, and of course ill earn comps for that too, but it takes a lot more to earn on a holiday weekend.

once my comps get built up a few hundred instead of needing to be used on rooms, i can start using them to buy gas for truckers, cigarette packs to sell in vegas or Reno for cash, etc.

the reason why Jason wanted to make sure i didnt mention in my blog where this machine is located is because they dont want people to know about it, and come play it. he isnt because he dont need rooms, and he knows i did. he says his time is better used on +ev video poker machines than VBJ. alot of the value here comes from getting the rooms. But still, the machine is as valuable as the binions machine with the added bonus of being able to count the cards on it making it MORE valuable.

u see, if someone wasnt counting at all, and was flat betting $10 a hand and just using basic strategy, considering the value of using comps like cash for gas or whatever, u would get about $100.75 for every $100 ran thru the machine. so if someone decided to start flat betting LARGE (who could somehow use a huge ton of comps) they would probably remove this machine the same way the lucky club did, which is why i had to not mention the location in the blog. with beibg able to count them and spread ur bet from $1 to $500, that makes the machine alot more valuable since u can see when the shuffle is.

wish Herbie was here also to check it out, he lost a lot on the binions one, but got back a lot in comps. i am not sure he lost overall once thats included. i heard he did well on his other +ev bonus plays.

so after doing that, and buying some food in the convenience store, i am now less than $5 in comps. and done with the machine for now, will play a bit online with the measly $14 i have left on lock, which im doing now, and then will go back to sleep. i wish i had more on lock, might have to buy some from vook.

i have been lucky for my cash to go up, it really shouldnt, the main value is in the comps. i dont have the roll for the massive spread for it to actually be going up in cash, its just variance in my favor. when i arrived, i was a little less than $2775 after paying him a lot in gas. now im over $3100. i know ill lose soon, and my main value is in eating free and living in a motel room free, never having to worry about being outside at night with nowhere to sleep. but i can keep the loss small and manageable and get it back the next day or so if i follow the bankroll rules ive been given. pokerdogg and axb101 if he only read my blog like he did on AVP, would im sure agree with those bankroll management rules.

today im not too proud of myself, once i gave back $100 profit, i violated those rules, and couldve lost $514 if all had gone wrong. maybe even more if i continued to play. but i won the hands, and played on, but the vast majority of the time, i never bet more than 3 hands of $20, and rarely ever bet that. the time i bet high pissed, i had a bet of $100, a bet of $87 and a bet of $63. (i bet the entire stack on all). count was over +13 running count, very seldom does it get that high, and even though that wasnt the true count with only 4 decks thats pretty strong. will get that high only like every 500 hands.

Wednesday, November 7, 2012

Im not in laughlin and im not in vegas, and actually its better if NO one knows where i am.

Thanks to sickcallmggee and his taxi service, which cost me over $100 today. but the good news is im still over $2800, and i should never ever go broke on it, any experienced bankroll management person will tell u the chances are extremely remote of ever going broke if the highest bets u ever make are not more than 1/200th of the roll.

also, sickcallmggee has been posting on the old forum instead of posting here, he usually never posts here and always there instead. same way for about 3 or 4 others, never understand why that is. posting here more people see it.

i didnt want to stay in las vegas yesterday, since i was fully anticipating Romney to win, and was quite surprised he didnt. maybe too many dead people voted, we will never know the full story as to why he didnt win as expected. if it wasnt fraud, it must be the electorate is much more out in left field than it used to be. also the white % of the electorate only voted 38% for obama, but its a much smaller portion of the electorate every 4 yrs.

so instead i went to this VBJ machine i was told about in this little town between hawthorne and vegas. besides the VBJ machine they also have full pay 25c deuces wild machine paying 100.76% payback without adding comps or cashback. The professionals who told me about this place told me to absolutely not post the casino or town its located in, and said i should sometimes take a break from VBJ and play the VP instead, and that the bankroll needed to not go broke on the 25c machine with that payback would be $5000 or more. and that the royal is quite a bit of the payback longterm. which is why i prefer VBJ.

theres NO table poker around here, or transportation in and out of here, so i guess if i want to play poker ill just play online in my room. the professionals who make a good living playing +ev machines only told me that the machines i was playing in laughlin were NOT beatable without knowing the shuffle point, and they said they personally didnt have that info. they said the machine is ONLY beatable with a promo like 5x points or something and im starting to realize these 2-4 guys are definitely worth listening to.

now this VBJ machine, they said IS beatable by counting. But only because it shows u when it shuffles. it shuffles every 80 cards of 4 deck shoe. i was skeptical so i counted out the cards, and after 79 cards it dealt another hand, at the end of that hand it was 84 cards, and i knew something would be wrong if it didnt then shuffle, but sure enough it did shuffle. it shows the dealer actually picking up the cards and mixing them visually every 80 cards. holds up the game about 30 seconds. the min bet is $1 and the max is $500. so with my max bet of $15, i can get a better spread since i can spread $1 to $15 here instead of $2 to $15, and yes that will make a difference.

here is the big deal, considering the price this hotel charges for rooms, (for those getting comped instead of paying cash) im not going to go into too many details or people might figure out which casino its in, but for a theoretical loss part of the week of $4.20, i can get a free room, (using perfect basic strategy not counting)--of course thats improved if u do count-- and then on a weekend, the theoretical loss would be about $10.

so what im saying is i can basically live free here forever, and never ever have to worry as to how i can afford shelter. Nor can i ever go broke spreading $1-15 bets because any bankroll math BJ pro will tell u the chances of going bust following a 1/200th max bet rule is almost infinitesmal. i need discipline to follow those rules however. the discipline i NEVER had at binions on the beatable machine they had there with comps and the wheel spin.

what different now is i think ive developed that discipline. for the past 2 weeks in laughlin ive worked hard to develop that discipline, and i think i have finally got my max bet lowered to $16 (lets me double $8 unlike $15) i have stopped all the $20-40 bets i was making a few times in laughlin the other day. the discipline gets easier the more i work at it.

had i had that discipline at binions, instead of betting like 5 hands of up to $100 when i had a roll of only say $3500-6000, id have never ever destroyed my roll and blew up.

so i should listen to the people who know what they are talking about, and actually making money off +ev machines. not those who say it cant be done. and when they tell me NOT to play the machines ive been playing in laughlin and slotsoffun, i guess its time to listen to them. for they are far smarter than i am.

what makes this VBJ machine better than the 100.76 deuces wild machine is not only do i avoid the roller coaster ride of waiting for the royal, the comp rate is 10X better on the VBJ than on the VP, because this casino is treating the VBJ machine as a slot machine instead of a VP for the figuring of comps.

---------

also something weird happened today while i was playing it. i asked 2 employees to watch it while i went to the bathroom and as i was coming back, i found about $25 of so more on the machine and i seen what looked like the end of the hand. THE ONLY solution was the employee accidently hit the button, not realizing i was in 3 spots at once. either the $10 bet button, and i got dealt BJ, (making me not have to act) or a $25 bet button, and it just stood me since this machine will do if u do not act within 20 seconds on ur hand as it counts u down.

i cannot understand why they didnt tell me, unless they either didnt notice or decided to not mention it since i won. i know one thing had i lost, id been calling gaming if they hadnt made it right. i knew the exact amount i left with, and it was $25 more in my balance when i got back. ive never had that happen before.

----------------------

earlier today, i just watched the election results, and felt quite disappointed. Like a lot of friends of mine on facebook and twitter, i worry greatly about the future of this country especially when we are attacked by a foreign country or terrorist group, or when the debt crisis comes to a head and we are given 50% unemployment and mass inflation and panic.

i let it get to me too much, and i blew up on someone whose a flaming liberal on social issues, and i shouldnt have let it upset me so much. im talking about josies friend dugglebogey who i felt like has never accepted me in the past. i assumed he voted for obama, and i said a word i shouldnt ever say. later i found out he voted for gary johnson, which is about as bad, at least Ron Paul isnt the liberal on all social issues Gary is. Ron Paul is a Christian and is prolife.

the remark that offended me on dugglebogeys twitter said something deragotory about Akin, and akin was a guy i strongly supported to help the democrats lose the senate, and they shouldve lost that seat in MO too. so i was mad at him for denigrating akin, so i then said something deratogay back to him. i cannot understand why people let akins remarks into such a big deal. all politicians at times say the wrong thing, its his RECORD of being a conservative that matters, not some insensitive comment he made.

i let liberals get me worked up because when they are attacking akin, how do i explain this? i feel like they are not attacking akins beliefs but are attacking my mom, my son, and me and our religious beliefs and heritage, simply beccause all 3 of us, (and todd akin) all think alike. so i felt like he went after me before i went off on him.

that being said i should just keep my mouth shut. ive got to learn to be calmer and not get so worked up over things. i just got tired of seeing all the anti-replublican conservative twitter remarks. anyway im over it now, and apologize if he is able to accept my apology. i hope non Christans are able to forgive just like christians do.

-----
this is one of my longest ever blogs and with that i must go to bed. i hope i am doing the right thing by listening to the people who are most succesful at +ev games, and have the bankrolls to prove it. and also, sickcallmggee had his wife wash my laundry one more time for $20 before we left. and i used my comps to take us to eat in the LVH when we went by picking up free play while passing thru vegas. also i got my mail and a lot of junk and important mails.





Monday, November 5, 2012

things slowly getting better, arent they?

as usual, most of my poker playing since i came to Laughlin is online in my room. it sure was nice to be able to transfer $100 to vook without having to send in any documents to lock. so the $30 i originally sent him over a week ago, is already back to $85 he put in my bank account for the $100 i sent him. so if i lose the whole $40 i left myself on lock, which is entirely possible, i still made a little profit. i think lock is a fairly decent site with a little traffic, but its hard to find high enough sngs. i dont like playing ones below $10, seems like a waste of time.

the losses on the VBJ have stopped,but i still do NOT have the confidence i had when i came to laughlin that the machine is beatable. especially now that tonight on of likuntas friends, lorna's "ex bf" in a way, told me its not but ONLY because no one knows the shuffle point. he does however, claim the machine at circus is beatable because it shows u when it shuffles unlike the one next door at slots of fun. am back to $2900, which is about $1000 comeback from my lowest point. had i not lost $452 at poker in the golden nugget the day before, (and today i didnt even bother to call over there and try to see if there was a game)--id be back quite a bit over $3000.

won over $450 on the machine today.

and i know about a new machine thats beatable, not in laughlin or vegas, one id like to check out sometime. of course, ive promised NOT to discuss this machine and where its located on my blog. i must say, ive been told hotel rates are extremely cheap there, even on weekends. (when using comps). also ive never been there.

seems like yesterday i promised to talk about the hand i lost all my money on at the golden nugget. But first, the good news. the good news is after losing that pot, i didnt play any VBJ. went straight to my room (after going to dennys to buy food) and played online, and ended up falling asleep for a very long period of time. didnt play til i woke up about 11.30am this morning.

ok, this was what i remember about the hand. i hadnt had any luck hitting any flops the entire time, and i was hungry and starved and wanted to go back to my room. frustration was starting to kick in, and i was down $200+. to be even, my stack wouldve needed to grow to $452. i was on my 3rd and final buyin. i was dealt the A7 of diamonds, and called the preflop raise, the raiser seemed to be raising too often. and he was fairly new to this table. flop comes up 345 with 2 spades. preflop raiser bets $15. i call, since i have one overcard and am openended. other guy behind me calls. I put the original raiser on 2 overcards, (i was correct) and i put the caller behind me on a flush draw. (also correct). and i probably wouldnt have lost all my money if i was not able to have read their hands correctly.

on the turn, its Q hearts. i am first to act, and i shove. (fully expecting the flush draw to call and the other guy to fold, and if he misses his flush, i win). the flush draw calls, (the queen paired him) and the other guy also calls, for his AK suited is also the nut flush draw. another queen on river and i lose.

now some will say i shouldnt shove and been so impatient to win a hand, eat and leave. but dammit i did read both of their hands correctly, right? so how was my logic bad? anyway this shows u why even though i really need to go back into vegas and stick to poker, i dread what will happen with so short a roll, and the cost of housing to again stress me out and transportation the second i leave laughlin. even the cost of returning is stressing me out. For that matter, even the lack of hearing from pokerdogg and stump as of late stresses me out.



Saturday, November 3, 2012

women

am in my room playing online, am lucky to be back to $2700. my balance on lock is up to $142 now, but of course that will change as my $25 sng will be starting up soon.

would like to talk about women and how hard it is to meet someone who really cares.

there is a site i like to go to that used to be called myyearbook. its similar to the website called tagged.com which i also like. myyearbook is now called meetme.com which is a recent name change. anyway i seen a woman whose actually in laughlin, but i at first thought maybe its one of those fake profiles u often see on these type of sites, any guy who ever joined any similar site will know what i mean. so since she was in laughlin, and also on secret admirer had checked yes on my picture, i decided to write and offer to meet since she showed up as a match. its very hard on me to no longer have anyone to hug me kiss me and tell me how much they enjoy being with me. one of the reasons i thought the profile might be fake like some of them are, is it looked like a picture of a model instead of a real person and usually all the fake ones use the nicest photos.

so i wrote this letter, intending to let her know i wasnt someone just passing thru, but a "local" who spends more than just a day or two here. which is why i mentioned that i had a room at the river palms. i dont see one damn thing wrong with mentioning where i stay.

--message--


if this profile is for real and u are in laughlin come find me on the video BJ machine at the river palms. have a free room for 2 weeks. add me cause its not letting me add u

-----end of message

and the reason it wouldnt let me add her is because it said she only accepts friends requests from people she knows so i had to know her email address to verify i knew her.

now after sending such an innocent message--i got this message back. notice her last name is mexican, and im wondering if she misunderstood me because she dont know english too well, theres also a sentence in bad english in her profile which makes me feel this way.

--message--
Do you think I am a lay cheap lady who is so in aces to find a man to come stay with you in an hotel that sounds insult to me so I don't think I am the type of biteches you looking for on here. Have a nice day
---end of message

notice how bad her command is of the english language here, no idea what "in aces" means, and how its a total misunderstanding of what i said. certainly never said to come stay in my room, nor would i ever ever trust a woman i didnt know enough to be willing to let her know what the number of my room was.

so yes i was very much offended and quite insulted by what she wrote back. so then i sent these 2 messages, and i never heard from her back, and doubt i will, although it does show the message was read instead of showing as unread like some are.

it makes me wonder, are there actually men writing women on these sites who WOULD expect a woman to come to their room if they didnt know her? i find this hard to believe, and therefore i get quite and feel a woman is really stupid if she is really thinking thats what i want. id be way too scared of getting setup and robbed to let a woman in my room, and its one reason i never have a girl around me. i dont trust anyone.

and here are my last 2 messages i wrote after i was very angry by her first message that ive heard no reply from--

messages---

where else am i supposed to meet u? ive not left the casino, i spend all my time inside it testing out a system to win money since coming here. isnt meeting in the casino easier than meeting somewhere else? theres really NOTHING else in this little town but casinos u know. and i have no idea what u mean by "in aces". u matched with me on here, i have no idea why u selected me earlier as a match if u wasnt interested in meeting me, or where the hell i was supposed to meet u at other than the casino. its NOT like this is a town with other places to meet in. u seem to have a BIG prejudice against meeting in casinos.

and for what its worth, i certainly wouldnt invite u to my room or let u find out the number unless i got to know u really well to be sure i could trust u not to cause me any harm. i always must worry about my safety at all times, too easy to get setup and robbed. also as a Christian i dont believe in casual sex and i find ur use of vulgar language rather offensive. its not right to have sex unless u are in love with someone and are willing to commit to them and ONLY them.

i cannot understand why u would think id want u to come to my room just because i am staying at the casino for a couple weeks and told u i was. of course im going to tell u where im staying, otherwise u might think im not local and too far away for u. u seem to be very quick to think evil of people and thats a big sin, its wrong to judge others.

--message 2


8:51am Nov 2

2nd message, read the OTHER message first. after looking at ur profile in greater detail, it seems ur understanding of the English language is rather limited, and it might be why u misunderstood me so badly. what u said to me implying i wanted sex when i dont even know u was very offensive and insulting, and u owe me an apology bigtime. i actually think if u wouldve taken the time to be a real friend and got to know me, ud have found us to be quite alike in what we think and believe. ur profile says u are looking for true love, (me too) since i believe in only having one woman, and it says u are conservative, which is very good, i cannot stand obama and am doing everything i can to get Romney elected because of how obama treats our military. also it says u dont smoke or drink, i hate both and wouldnt ever do either. the only reason i wanted to know at first if u were sincere was the photo of u dont look real, it looks like a picture of a model, and i thought maybe this was one of the numerous fake profiles on these sites, so i wanted to let u know how to find me and where in laughlin to meet me at, so id know for sure u are a real person and serious about wanting to meet someone. u really misjudged me something terrible and hurt my feelings. i have aspergers and it makes meeting new friends and communicating very difficult for me and i see the world differently than most people. what im saying though, is u seem to be looking for the same type of thing i am, something thats real and lasting. Im very hypersensitive because i play poker and Blackjack to make money, and i feel often judged and condemned for it, and when someone wants me to leave the casino to meet them, i feel like they cant really accept me. am so sorry u wont get to know me as a friend, i could really use a friend here. its not really been a good week.

end of message 2---

now here is the profile of this woman--
http://www.meetme.com/member/45644966

notice how bad her english is--"and hopefully something attach to get along." someone attach? that would mean she wants a guy whose already married. although i dont think she means that.

------------------------------------------------------------------------
and now we all see how messed up i am and how hard it is for me to meet women. i have no idea in the least what i am saying wrong, then i get upset and angry for being misunderstood, and once i am angry i no longer care if i offend her or not because i feel so insulted and humiliated. then i usually end up getting blocked. this is why i need good women friends to give me advice and to help find me women to meet.

Thursday, November 1, 2012

im a little afraid to go back into vegas and play poker with such a low roll, just as afraid as i am to continue here until im broke. u see, i dont think my poker game is as good as it used to be, or maybe the other players are just getting better.

in my room playing with the $90 or so i have on lock poker, good news is ive won back about $300 on the VBJ, still need to pick up free play on nov 2, which i thought was nov 1, and im also eating food from dennys, nice they take comps. also i might have another $50 or $100 coming to me, i got a fairly decent score in todays slot tourny i get to do almost daily for having enough play. will find out winners and placement after 8pm anytime.

went to room to eat and to charge up a dead phone, will stay in the room and play online poker til about 8pm, unless of course, the nugget ever calls me and tells me they have a $1-2 NL game.

must try to adjust hours a little, tomorrow at 9am when im always asleep is the $1-5 stud group of 8 meeting at the nugget. ive managed to become welcome with the leader of the group and have his phone and he will be expecting me to show.Played in it last week but i had to wait 90 min since they always come with 8.

i have no idea where to live or what to play once i return to vegas, dont want to have to be moving in and out of the riviera all the time, and it might be nice if i could play the stud8 game at the suncoast every day, or the golden nugget downtown, or hooters, or the game at tx station, all i know is i worry i wont have nearly enough money to play any game. im as afraid to stay here as i am to leave, no idea where ill live.