Friday, January 6, 2012

tired of my life

sick of not having a regular place to live, i wish i had my apt in KS to go back to before i end up having a complete emotional and mental breakdown worrying to death about money. im tired of not being able to cook my own food over the stove and in the microwave. that is so much cheaper than eating out, and comps at harrahs casino come in very slowly, only $1 an hour instead of $2 an hour, and the food is a lot higher than downtown. and the $1 tacos? i couldnt find where they sell them, looks like its not at a bar, and u have to go sit in a lounge and hope someone takes ur order and wait around. moving rooms all the time is a real pain in the butt and costs a lot of money in cab fees because i have way too many things to take the bus. i am even considering paying $240 a week to stay at the 4 queens just to be downtown when i run out of comps, the game there is better, easier to win in, more tourists unlike the strip, and maybe theres at least 1 safe cheap place downtown someone can let me know about that im not aware of.

good news is i didnt play any machines today. how i avoided playing any, as bad as i was feeling ill never know. maybe its because im too scared ill lose i stayed off them. its a lot easier to stay off the machine and not play at all, than to get off it once im stuck. (i doubt most readers know this). but thats how i got almost all of my losses on machines. (by not getting off the machine once i had a small loss.) and when i went back to ballys poker room late after midnite i actually managed to recover $55. and that put me back to just barely $4300. and also one reason im so low, my monthly phone charge finally came thru. (which subtracted just over $100).

is it really true that my roll will recover if i stay off the machines? thats the big question. and if i really felt this way, i would stay off the machines, and not get nearly as angry over losses at poker.

another nice thing about having my own apt would be id be more inclined to play online, and that would help to keep me off the machines.

ok--now let me address some of the comments from previous blogs in a place i know for sure everyone will see them. (for often i feel like my replies are only going to be seen by that 1 person-if that-and not by all).

posted by cokeboy--a guy whose opinion i usually respect and never thought him to be a bad person in any of his previous posts------Wow.....I don't even know where to begin. How is it ever right to execute someone because they have more than you? Most everyone works hard or goes to school to become better educated and earns their way to better living. Just because you're to lazy to get a job don't start saying its okay to execute those who have one. Plus, 30K a year is barely above poverty level, that's nowhere near rich....your views on society are so screwed up it isn't even's no wonder you can't find a woman to accept and understand you with all the hate and judgmental BS that comes out of you.

ok, now first, cokeboy should understand i dont really mean everything i say, and primarily have a long history of saying things when mad, and he should also take what i say with a grain of salt since im not all there when emotionally upset. I dont think ive ever been "too lazy to get a job". when i was young, (in my 20s) i did a few jobs before, but they never worked out, i always would get laid off or fired or be given so few hours i wouldnt want to work anymore. i know i was NO GOOD at anything but playing poker, it was my only interest and occupation i was qualified for, and was my ticket out of poverty. and it wouldve been had i had the discipline to ONLY play poker, and not my emotions get control of me so much. and to someone whose struggled so hard thru life as i have, $30,000 a year seems like an enormous amount of money. also i feel like because i was joking around as a 20 yr old kid pretending i was gonna rob someone, my chance to ever have a normal job was ruined for life and i dont think that should disqualify someone from working and contributing to society. people whove done time in jail should not be prohibited from being allowed to find a job when they get out of jail the rest of their lives, surprised any of u would disagree with this. I will never get over feeling like i was treated unfairly on this, the lady shouldve realized i was only kidding and never had any intention of robbing her in any way, especially after i told her that and left. i was so surprised they called the police i wasnt even trying to hide or run away. i just figured she knew it was a prank when i left without taking the money. this is the type of thing people with autism do, and they dont realize how society will view it. of course i did intend to scare the hell out of her, but scaring the hell out of someone isnt a felony.

nobody who is homeless and in poverty is there because they "want to be"--this is a lie thats perpetrated by the wrong wing of the Republican party. (im talking about the mitt romney wing, the rich business elite wing instead of the Pro God and country wing). i really dislike the republicans economic policies a lot of the time when it hurts the poor. the only people who are homeless and want to be are those addicted to drugs and alcohol, and is why ive always held such bitterness and hatred towards drugs and alcohol, and those who use them. i see nothing fun or enjoyable about it, and cannot relate to those who do. ive lived a hard life, and i see how it makes people homeless and how they end up sleeping in public and panhandling for change all day long. the main reason people are in poverty and cant get jobs is because #1, obama wont let jobs be created due to the enviromentalists blocking them all (such as drilling for oil) and protection of endangered species, and 2# a lot of illegals and legals are allowed to immigrate into this country and take all the jobs away from those who want them, and #3 the decay and moral breakdown of the culture which is reflected in the way so many woman have entered the workforce instead of being home with their kids like they did 100s of years ago. when kids are not raised at home with their mothers, they end up turning to a life of crime and it hurts all of society. this also happens when kids are not raised to belive in Jesus too. the unemployment rate would go down to near zero, and everyone who wants a job would have a job IF THERE JUST WASNT SO MANY DAMMED PEOPLE IN THE LABOR FORCE.

u see i feel bitter towards those who have jobs because for one, ive not been allowed to get one by law, due to my felony conviction, (at least not the really high paying one where u get ur pay in tips) and also i feel like every time someone goes and gets a job they are taking the job away from someone who might be out on the street broke, desperately needing a job and unable to provide for their family, who could have the job if only someone else wouldnt have went out and got the job instead of them. u see alot of the people who have jobs have so much dammned money they dont really need to work. and to be fair to those who need the jobs, and dont have as much money, they should all STOP WORKING NOW and let those who need the jobs have the jobs instead. unless u can identify with being poor and in desperate need of help u will never really understand.

Mikej (unregistered) wrote, in response to sevencard2003:

Okay I was going to help you until you said that there would be nothing wrong executing me.

You are one fucked up person and I can't wait until you go busto..
ok truth be told, i think this person was going to give me a phony sports betting system just like allisond might be connected to him and BJ pro, just to try and get me to go broke. there's also a guy trying to get me to talk on Ymessgr i blocked name gamble4lyfe or something similar who was trying to talk to me about a system and i just never talked cause i figure its all the same people.

and now on to wec.

wec--it should not matter if the guy thought i acted unprofessionally towards the dealer. i dont care if someone mistreats someone else, i only care about how that person treats ME. if they are always nice to me, i see them as a good person, regardless of how they might be to others. i am sure hes probably acted worse to others at times in his life, and do u think he wants to be judged by that by a stranger later in life who meets him. hell no, im sure he doesnt either. and i know a lot of women who dont care how much their man robs, steals and kills other innocent victims as long as the man is sweet and kind to them and the children and always takes care of them financially and puts their needs first.

and so what if i talk about his friends play against my aa? his friend knows himself he was a donk that hand and even said so to me. u overlooked the place in the thread on 2+2 where i complimented both them on their play, which neither him nor any of the 2+2 readers ever replied to.

and u are 100% wrong if u think me being nicer to people would help me grow my roll to 15k. if i was a lot nicer to people, it wouldve cost me so much in lost money i would have probably less than $1000 now. because u see this is vegas, and in vegas people consider whether u are nice or not by whether u are tipping them money or paying blinds when u dont have to and returning their blinds when u dont have to. Vegas isnt like a normal city where people dont equate whether u are nice or not by whether u are giving them money. also if u think it hurts me when people want to take my money at the table, its really not, its only hurting THEM if they tilt because they are playing against me with thier emotions instead of thier logic. u should know this without me telling u this. and u are right no one gives a shit about how poor i am, but doesnt this show u how wicked evil and self centered society is, instead of showing that about me? people should care, and when u politely ask a guy not to call, when he sees hes a massive underdog, he shouldnt call just to be a cocksucking asshole and bust u long before id ever did anything to offend him. i know i hadnt at the time, because he told me how bad he felt about beating me. (the guys friend, not the guy himself who later ignored me on 2+2). also since i talked those guys into checking out ballys, i felt like i was largely responsible for their big win, and i felt like they owed it to me to thank me appropriately and to really appreciate me for referring them to ballys. i think the guys friend was a lot nicer than him, even though he did make that call and bust me. he is the one who took my blog info on his cell. and i typed it in for him to make sure he wrote it down correct.

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